


Why I Adore The Dark

by KingWinston



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn, justin and winston are roommates, monty has an obvious crush on winston, some walex, wonty - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:34:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 82,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingWinston/pseuds/KingWinston
Summary: Wonty boarding school au-I used to be scared of the dark. Back when I was I was seven-year-old Winston in my bedroom back home and the dark meant that there was something I wasn't able to see lurking in the shadows. I thought everything was clearer in daylight.But not with you. You're a completely different person when it's dark. You stop pretending because you're convinced that no one is paying any attention to you. You sit there, in the dark, and you smile to yourself because you think no one can see.I saw.TW// HOMOPHOBIA
Relationships: Alex Standall/Winston Williams, Montgomery de la Cruz/Winston Williams
Comments: 218
Kudos: 361





	1. Welcome To Boarding School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is written in Winston's POV.

**Chapter One**

"And call us every day, alright?"

My mother was already fussing over me but that's understandable. I was her only child and I was going to be away from home for a very long time. The longest I've been away from her was a week.

She leaned forward on her tiptoes like she wanted to kiss my forehead but I quickly took a step back.

We were already outside the house that I will be staying at for the next few months. I didn't want anyone to look out of the window and make fun of me for being a mommy's boy. I knew that boarding school kids can be ruthless.

My mother blinked twice and then she looked away. She looked like I had just slapped her in the face but she must understand that I'm not a child anymore.

My father was cooler about it. He leaned against the car as he tapped away on his phone. No doubt he was already late for whatever. He's always late for everything.

"Remember to behave kiddo," he said just as some boys made their way out of the house and down the steps. They took one glance at us and snickered. I hoped that they hadn't heard the awful nickname.

I felt my cheeks redden but I said goodbye to my parents and they waited outside the house as I dragged my suitcase up the stone steps and to the wooden door.

I almost walked into some guy. He had light brown hair and blue eyes but he was wearing the same uniform that the boys before him were wearing and to me, they all looked the same.

I expected him to tell me to watch it or maybe even glare at me. I had already made my mind up about boarding school and the people here.

But he smiled and me and opened the door further. He was on his way out but he was willing to stick around and help me out.

"Let me help you with that," he said as he eyed my heavy suitcase. He took it from my hand and then he walked me inside into the large hallway.

It wasn't like the Victorian type of house that I imagined, it was actually quite modern. There was a closet for coats and a small cabinet underneath it for shoes. The floor was wooden and the walls were painted a light brown colour that somehow fitted but made the hallway look even less welcoming.

"So you must be my new roomie then," the guy said and he offered his hand for me to shake.

I took it gingerly and I shook for a second before pulling away. "Winston."

"Justin," he said and I was surprised that there was no snarky remark about my name. I was contemplating using a fake name the whole way that my parents drive me here.

"So, uh, what happened to your previous roommate?" I asked in an attempt to make conversation. I wasn't sure whether putting my shoes and coat away would be acceptable just yet so I stayed where I was.

Justin looked up towards the stairs like he was expecting someone to walk down them. Then he turned to me again. "Oh, right," he said as if what I asked had just clicked in his mind. "He got excluded. Drugs and shit, you know? Gotta be careful around here how."

It shocked me how casually he mentioned drugs. It was like something you'd bring up over breakfast to your parents. My parents always looked down on anyone who took drugs as it was the person's choice to get addicted in the first place.

"Right," I said pretending to fit in but I felt more out of place than ever.

Justin looked up the stairs again just to see a middle-aged woman with shoulder-length blonde hair walking down. She was dressed smartly like a teacher or someone who worked in an office but she introduced herself to me as the caretaker of their house.

"Call me Mrs Jensen," she said and I had to shake her hand too. You'd think that by the number of times I've been dragged along to meetings by my parents I'd be confident in shaking people's hands but I was just as anxious every time.

Justin left us to head to school and I stayed with Mrs Jensen. She told me some house rules and explained some other things that I was already aware of. I came prepared so I wouldn't make a fool out of myself.

"You're not expected in school until tomorrow," he said as we walked up the stairs. I had already put my coat and shoes away on the designated hanger. They were under the name ' _Bryce_ ' but Mrs Jensen told me that they'll change it to my name as soon as they get the chance.

She showed me the bathrooms upstairs that were for the boys, the girls had their bedrooms and bathrooms downstairs.

She walked me down the squeaky clean hallway and then she stopped by one of the doors. The number engraved into the door was '2' and she unlocked the door with a key she had in her pocket.

"We lock the doors at night to make sure everyone sets off to school by then," she explained when she saw my alarmed face at the sight of the key. All I could think about was that someone could lock me inside.

"Right," I replied awkwardly not really knowing what else to say.

The caretaker pushed the door open for me to reveal the large room. One side of the room was empty while the other one was nearly decorated.

"I'll leave you to it," Mrs Jensen smiled at me and then she walked down the hallway again.

I closed the door behind me and I placed my suitcase on the floor. There was one bed, one desk, a large closet, am armchair, a nightstand and a lot of shelves. You'd think for the price that my parents are paying they'd at least think to put in a TV or something. Seriously? So much money for _this?_

Either way, I started to unpack. I took the bag off my shoulder too. That was the back that I actually cared about as it had all my cameras.

I placed the laptop on the desk and I set my cameras out on the higher shelves as that was the only safe place I could think of putting them. I hoped Justin wasn't the type to look through people's stuff.

I spent the day organizing everything and making sure everything was in the right place. I hadn't realised how much time has passed until the door opened and Justin ran inside.

I almost jumped out of my skin but he didn't seem to realise. He didn't look as neat as he did this morning and he went over to his bed and lay down with a loud thud.

"Hi?" I said uncertainly and I stood up from the floor where I was sat before when I was I putting my suitcase away under the bed.

Justin laughed in response and I started to worry if maybe I overstepped a boundary. "Hey," he then said and he sat up. "Have you been down to lunch yet?"

I looked at him. Mrs Jensen said lunch wasn't until four o'clock and- Holy shit it was already half past.

Justin saw the panicked look on my face. "Don't worry, you'll get a hang of it soon," he told me. "Just get over there before the guys eat everything."

So I left Justin behind in our room because he said that he already ate. I walked down the stairs and with every step that I took, my heart thudded louder and louder. I could already hear them laughing and talking amongst each other and I've never felt so out of place.

I stood in the doorway of the dining room as I watched them all eat and mess about.

Two girls were sat at the far end and one of them was touching the other's hair. "Hannah, no. I really like your hair long. Why do you want to cut it?" the other girl, presumably Hannah shrugged. "Chloe, what do you think? Should she cut her hair or..."

They continued their conversation about hair as my eyes shifted to the other people around the table. There were a lot of empty seats but so far there was only those three girls and another three guys.

The blonde one was stuffing spaghetti in his mouth while the other two encouraged him and laughed. One of them looked like he was twice my age and twice my size. He was laughing hard when the blonde boy almost choked on the food in his mouth. Disgusting.

The other one was Latinx. He wasn't laughing as hard but he wasn't ignoring the blonde boy either. He just looked like he was there because he had no one else to talk to.

"Come on sweetie, take a seat," Mrs Jensen said as she walked out from the kitchen. Immediately they all turned their attention to me and I looked away from them.

Mrs Jensen was pointing to a seat for me to sit on so I walked over to it and sat down. Someone coughed and then the girl named Chloe smiled at me.

She introduced herself to me and Hannah followed. Jessica was last.

I introduced myself once and I wasn't sure whether I should do it again after each name. I just decided to nod after each introduction.

The blonde boy I was sat next to introduced himself as Charlie and the tall boy sat next to him is called Zach.

"And this is Monty," Zach sighed after the other guy stared me down for a second but didn't say a word. I already had a bad feeling about him. I picked up my fork and I looked down so I wouldn't have to make conversation.

"That's Diego's seat," Monty then spoke and his voice took me by surprise. It wasn't deep and rough like I imagined, it was actually quite soft. I hadn't realised that I was staring at him until he scoffed and looked to the side.

Oh, how I wish Mrs Jensen was here so I wouldn't feel as awkward.

"No, it's not," Jess told me quickly jumping to my defence. Then she turned to Monty. "Leave the kid alone, Diego can sit somewhere else."

So I've already been labelled as 'the kid'. This day can't get any worse, I thought but I was wrong.

I tried to keep my head down and eat my spaghetti in silence but then Charlie started making conversation with me. I would have much preferred to talk to the girls about hair.

"How did you get here?" Charlie asked me after he swallowed his food. Oh, so he does have manners after all. "Did you get kicked out from your last school or what?"

Kicked out? No, my grades might have been decent at best but my behaviour was always perfect. I would never get kicked out.

I shook my head. "No, my parents just thought this school was a good choice." They want me to get into an ivy league but through my grades, not with their help.

Monty snorted like he was mocking me and then he stood up from his chair. I could already feel myself sweat as I dreaded whatever was coming next.

But he simply thanked Mrs Jensen for the food and then he walked out and his footsteps were audible as he walked up the stairs.

***

I wished Justin was downstairs while I ate with everyone else. He was actually cool to hang around with and I didn't feel as anxious around him as I did with everyone else. As soon as I came back to our room, he started a conversation with me like we've been friends for years.

"Yeah... Charlie's just a bit of a... Kid," he explained. He had just gotten out of a shower and he was looking through his clothes for something to wear.

I wasn't sure what I could and couldn't say around Justin so I just kept my mouth shut. I wanted to complain about someone but I didn't want it to backfire.

"He's nice though, once you get to know him," Justin mumbled and then he dropped his towel and sat down butt naked on his bed as he pulled his boxers on. My cheeks burned and I immediately looked at the opposite wall.

I haven't told him that I was gay yet and I was worried then. I don't want him to act all weird around me and accuse me of staring at him or something.

So I tried to drop it into the conversation as casually as I could.

"So have you got a girlfriend?" I asked him and I played with a loose thread on my duvet so I wouldn't have to look as Justin but on a clean T-shirt.

Justin sighed and he stopped for a moment. "No, but... There's this one girl..." he trailed off and then he pulled some joggers on. I still didn't look even though he was fully dressed. 

He shook his head and then walked over to his desk to pull out a bottle of body spray. "How about you?" he asked and he sprayed himself. "Anyone caught your eyes yet? Chloe?"

He raised his eyebrows suggestively like he thought he already had it figured out.

"No, erm," I said and I scratched my head. Here it goes. "I'm gay actually."

Justin didn't even seem fazed. He just nodded. "Man, I was way off," he commented and he put the bottle of body spray away just as the smell reached my nostrils. I better get used to the smell, I'll be smelling it every day, I thought.

So Justin turned around and leaned on the desk. He stared into the distance and he hummed. "Charlie then?" he asked and I stared at him. "He's like... Half gay too or something. Did _he_ catch your eye?"

I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from bursting out laughing. Charlie? Yeah, he caught my eye for all the wrong reasons. I simply shook my head.

"Hmm," Justin said and then he slowly walked to the door. "Well I'll be out for a while, got things to do but you can... Do whatever. I won't be interrupting you." he told me before heading out with a short wave.

But doing 'whatever' didn't sound as appealing when I had no idea what I was meant to be doing.

I talked to my mother for approximately three minutes before she told me that she had a work thing and she needed to go. I suddenly felt alone without my mother, my friends and even without Justin in the room.

I brought my knees up to my chin and I wrapped my arms around them. I stayed like that for a moment until I heard footsteps outside my room.

"Yeah man, kinda weird right?"

"Totally."

I recognized the two voices almost immediately. The softer voice belonged to Monty and the other one to Charlie.

"Who joins boarding school in the middle of fall?" Monty asked and my heart almost leapt out of my chest when I realized that he was talking about me.

"Really weird,* Charlie agreed with him and I scoffed to myself.

There was nothing weird about joining the school in the fall. They were just trying to find things to pick on me for. Just like the chair thing with Diego. Diego came back from wherever he was and he hadn't even noticed that 'his' seat was taken.

Their voices faded away as they continued to walk down the corridor.

I think I'll just keep my head down and try not to get into Monty's way. That'll be easier for everyone, I thought.

***

The first night was the worst. I wasn't able to fall asleep and Justin took pity on me and talked to me about school until I fell asleep.

He assured me that I had nothing to worry about and if I didn't make any friends straight away then I could always find him at lunch or break or whenever.

I was used to having my own bedroom, my own bathroom, my own everything. And then suddenly I was sharing a bathroom with two other guys.

Zach was stood by the sink with a toothbrush in his mouth while he rubbed at the sink to try to clean off some toothpaste. "Sorry, man. I'll be out in a second," he said as I stood by the door and I tapped my foot impatiently.

"It's fine," I said simply. Zach was the only guy (apart from Justin) that seemed alright so I just wanted to be cool around him.

Then he walked out of the bathroom after he put his toothbrush away and before I could walk inside, someone slipped in before me.

He grabbed the door with his arm and he blocked my way. I would have said something if I hadn't realised who it was.

Monty was looking like he had just woken up wearing just a black T-shirt and grey boxers. He looked me up and down and he raised an eyebrow.

"Use the ladies," he told me and then he shut the door in my face.

Zach was still stood behind me and he sighed loudly. "Monty, that's not even your bathroom!" he shouted and he knocked on the door.

"Go fuck yourself!" Monty shouted back. "I'm not waiting for Charlie to be done."

So all Zach could do was apologize to me and after a minute or two of waiting, I decided to go back into my room and get ready for school.

The uniform felt strange on me even though my mother had made me wear it a few times in the past two weeks just to make sure everything fit. I was used to the blazers, the trousers and the collared white shirts but the tie was what always bugged me.

"Leave it, man. You're just making it worse," Justin said as he watched me struggle with the tie in the mirror.

The only thing that tie was good for was strangling Monty for already ruining my morning before it even began.

I ignored Justin and I messed around with my tie some more.

" _Relax_ ," Justin said and a second later he was stood behind me fixing the collar that I had messed up.

"Sorry," I mumbled and I looked down at my feet. My shoes were new and they had already started to hurt my feet. I would have asked for plasters to avoid blisters but I didn't want to seem like a wimp. I thanked Justin once he finished sorting out my tie.

Justin gave me a pat on the back that almost scared the crap out of me. "No worries," he said and then he picked up his school backpack from his bed. "And try to stay out of trouble, alright? Have a good first day at school."

He was obviously just messing with me but then he smiled and I smiled back as I watched him walk out the door. I already knew that Justin wouldn't be having breakfast with me so I'd have to deal with the rest of them.

I eventually managed to get into the bathroom and then when I walked downstairs, all the guys were already gone and it was just the girls at the table. I hadn't met all of them the night before, I would have if I wasn't so late to dinner or lunch or whatever they called it.

"Are you sitting down?" one of the girls smiled at me and she nodded to the seat next to her. This was my first time seeing her but I already knew that it would be impossible to say no to her.

She introduced herself as Sheri when I sat down and the girl sat next to her was called Nina. "So... Winston," she said putting emphasise on my name like she was trying it out. "How are you finding it so far?"

I tried to focus on putting the pancakes onto my plate so I wouldn't have to look at her. "Alright," I said and we spent the rest of breakfast talking and, just like Justin, she said that if I needed someone to talk to then I could always talk to her. The girls were much easier to get along with. 

***

At one in the afternoon, we finally had a half-hour break to eat. I looked around for Justin but he was sat on the stairs with Diego and Monty and that immediately threw me off.

So I sat down at a table by myself until a tall boy with curly hair approached me. I looked up and he smiled nervously.

"Hey, you're Winston, right?" he asked nervously and I nodded as I put my sandwich down. He sat down opposite me and took his bag off his shoulder. "I'm Tyler, I was in your maths class this morning? I saw the camera in your bag and I wanted to say hi but..."

"Oh," I said. I hated maths and I was too focused on keeping my head down to notice anyone around me. Even when Monty got into an argument with the teacher, I kept my head down so he wouldn't have a reason to pick on me. He already tried to bump into me on his way into the classroom and I managed to move away just in time.

Tyler was waiting for an answer so I did the only thing I could think of and I asked him if he was into photography. Lunch flew by as we talked about photography and I was convinced that Tyler was the only nice guy at this school. Apart from Justin of course.

"What's your next lesson?" Tyler asked me when the bell rang and we got up. Tyler said that he's been at boarding school for the past two years but it didn't look like he had any friends. Not that I was complaining, it meant that I had someone to hang out with. It was just a shame that we weren't living in the same house.

"Erm, French?" I said uncertainly as I looked through my pockets for the crumbled up schedule. Not only did I choose to take French but Spanish too. It was going to be a difficult year.

I packed up my bag and as I threw it over my shoulder, I felt like someone was watching me. I looked around and my eyes rested on the boys still sat on the steps. It didn't look like they were planning to go to lesson any time soon.

It wasn't Justin looking at me, no. Justin was talking to Diego and it was Monty that was staring at me with a steel expression on his face. What did I do this time to get his attention?

He took a drink from his bottle of orange juice but his eyes stayed on me. I was practically frozen in place as I tried to work out if I had done something to piss him off.

I decided that, no, I haven't done anything and I looked away. Only for a brief second though. I looked back up and Monty's eyes were still glued on me. He took the bottle from his lips, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then he turned back to Diego.

I think I see what's going on.


	2. Go Easy

**Chapter Two**

I didn't go to a boy's school for three years of my life to not know that when Monty calls Charlie the f slur for no reason, it's not because he's homophobic. 

Even though he kind of is.

"Fucking faggot, you gonna suck my dick or what?" Monty teased Charlie as he wrestled with him on the couch. Charlie seemed to find it funny, he just laughed as Monty got on top of him and started choking him with his hands. And Monty claims to be straight.

It was only Wednesday and I already had enough of everyone. I wanted to go home. 

But we were sitting in the living room, waiting for, as Justin called it, 'Bonding Time'. Wednesday was the only day that we were all home as there was no football or soccer or baseball practices or whatever. 

"You gonna be my little bitch?" Monty taunted Charlie and it took all the energy I had not to say anything or even roll my eyes.

Justin had told me that Charlie was 'half gay' which I assumed must have meant that Charlie was bisexual. I couldn't understand why he was okay with Monty treating him like a toy in front of everyone.

"Erm, Monty!" Mrs Jensen said as she walked over to stand in front of the TV. "Language!" she told him off and then he let go off Charlie and rolled off of him. 

Zach and Diego were watching something on the TV but Mrs Jensen turned it off and then she sat down in the armchair. "So who'd like to start us off?"

I was sat down on the smaller couch, squashed in between Justin and Sheri. I wasn't sure if Sheri and Justin were friends but they seemed friendly with each other. And they proved to be quite good friends for the few hours that I've known them.

No one spoke up and we all looked around awkwardly. "Well, erm, why don't we go around the circle," Mrs Jensen said and then she turned to Courtney who was sitting on her right. 

I had only seen Courtney around a few times and the only friend she had seemed to be Chloe. She looked terrified that she was chosen to speak first. She looked around the room and then Monty snorted and whispered something to Charlie. I didn't even want to know what he said.

"Anything youre particularly proud of this week?" Mrs Jensen asked with a bright smile and Courtney bit down on her lip nervously. If this was the school's attempt to make everyone as uncomfortable as possible then they were doing a great job.

"I'm proud of myself for..." Justin quickly interrupted and he scratched his nose as he thought of what to say. Courtney looked relieved that he had stepped in. Then Justin's eyes landed on me. "I'm proud of myself for helping Winston move into our room."

He threw his arm over my shoulder and gave me a gentle squeeze while I laughed quietly. I looked up again and Mrs Jensen was smiling at us while Monty... He rolled his eyes at Charlie and then muttered something under his breath. 

What is this guy's problem, I thought. 

If the blatant homophobia hadn't confirmed my suspicions before, the fact that he was so against two guys showing each other affection definitely did. 

We had to keep sharing what we were proud of ourselves for and Mrs Jensen gave us words of encouragement. Then it came to me.

"I know this is only your third day here but is there anything you'd like to share?" the caretaker asked and suddenly all eyes were on me.

Justin gave me an encouraging smile and I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly.

"I guess I... I'm proud of myself for... Making a friend," I said as Tyler popped into my head. Sheri and Justin were alright but I couldn't sit with them at lunch or walk with them after school. They had their own friends and I didn't want to interrupt them.

No one made fun of me or made any comments but Monty raised his eyebrows slightly. Mrs Jensen seemed to notice.

"Your turn Monty," she said and she turned to him.

He sighed loudly and rested his hand on his forehead. "I got nothing," he said with a shrug.

It was the kind of thing I expected him to do, he wasn't the type to share stuff about himself with just anyone. Or maybe anyone in general.

"You do this every week," Mrs Jensen reminded him and it seemed to piss him off even more. He glanced at me from the side and then he rolled his eyes.

"Alright," he said and he sat up straight. He made a face as he thought of what he was gonna share. "I'm proud of myself for kicking Charlie's ass in football practice last night," he said and then he messed up Charlie's hair.

Mrs Jensen saw that it was pointless to get Monty to actually share something about himself and she moved onto Diego.

I didn't even listen to the rest of the group, I just tried to work out why Monty was acting the way he was. 

***

I think Thursday was my least favourite day of the week. Not only did I have French, maths and Spanish all in the same day, but I also had PE early in the morning. Fortunately, Tyler was in my class.

I got changed as quickly as I could and I was sat on the bench putting my shoes on as Tyler explained how football worked around here.

"If you're not on the team, they won't expect much from you," he said and he pulled his shirt over his head. "But you have to at least try or they get mad at you. Especially if you're on their team. Especially Monty."

Monty was then messing about in the locker room with Charlie. He had pushed him into the shower and turned the water on while Charlie was still in his clothes. He might as well have said that he had a crush on Charlie and saved us all the trouble of having to watch them mess around.

Fortunately, I didn't end up on Monty's team so he couldn't shout at me for not catching the ball like he did with Tyler. The kid was tall but he was useless at football.

It wasn't even proper football, it was a simplified version to make life easier for the rest of us. The football guys still treated it like it was the Super Bowl.

I never played football at Hillcrest but I still tried my best. I even tried to catch the ball but then-

"Move!"

I had my eyes on the ball and then a second later, someone barged into me and I landed on the ground with a groan. I stayed down for a few seconds and I tried not to wince at the pain in my shoulder. Then I took my helmet off and glared at the guy standing over me and grinning.

"Hey, what the hell?" I asked him and he leaned forward like you would when talking to a toddler. I get that this was football but the coach already told the football guys to take it easy and try not to hurt anyone. I forgot that Monty was an exception to almost every rule around here.

"Aww? Baby can't take it rough? I'll go a little easier on you next time," he teased me and then he rolled his eyes and straightened up.

I could already feel my face heating up so I grabbed my helmet and I put it back on to hide my burning cheeks. Monty ran back to join the guys and I stayed where I was. I rubbed at my aching shoulder and I breathed in sharply from the pain.

"Hey, don't pay any attention to him. He's a dickhead," Zach said and I felt his heavy hand rest on my shoulder. Zach was Monty's roommate and friend and even _he_ didn't like the way Monty was acting. But still, no one told him anything.

I glared at the back of Monty's head as he chest bumped Diego and then they praised him. Praised him for what? Almost dislocating my shoulder?

I sat out for the rest of the game. I sat on the bench next to Justin who swore that he had a twisted ankle but I had already seen him struggle to catch the ball. I think he was even worse at this than me.

"Did Monty hurt your shoulder?" Justin asked me and I loved him for always making conversation with me. It just came so easily to him.

Monty _did_ hurt my shoulder but I wasn't about to go around telling everyone that. I doubt Monty cared whether he hurt me or not.

Justin and I stayed on that bench until the coach blew the whistle and told us to get back on the field. We only had maybe five minutes left but I was willing to make them count for something.

I didn't try to catch the ball, I just paid attention to it until the ball was launched towards Monty. I should have known that he wasn't stupid, he's been playing football for God knows how long. But I still tried it and when I tried to push Monty away with the shoulder that wasn't hurting, he pushed me back just as hard as before.

This time I didn't land on the floor but I staggered and he left me behind as he ran with the ball. I gave up after that. I was annoyed at myself for thinking that this would work and I was fed up with Monty for acting like a dickhead all the time.

When the coach blew the whistle to signal that it was time to get back in the locker room, Monty almost immediately took off his helmet and lifted his shirt to wipe his face with it. I may have glanced.

Okay, I stared. But respectfully and only for a moment. He may have been an asshole but he sure looked good. I hated my brain for putting those thoughts in my head.

Back in the locker room, I got changed back into my uniform in silence. It was hard to make a conversation with Tyler over all the shouting. Monty and Justin were on opposite teams and Diego and Monty wouldn't stop reminding Justin that his team lost.

"Yeah, 'cos we had all the bad people," Justin tried to explain with a shrug. He can't say much, he was practically sat out for the entire game.

I stuffed my shoes into my gym bag just as Diego said, "You had Winston."

It was an automatic reflex to look over and see that they were all glancing my way. I didn't know what Diego meant by that. Was I okay at football? Or was it because I was the only person on the team who actually tried? I made eye contact with Monty but instead of looking away, he rolled his eyes. 

"Williams!" he shouted over to me and I had to look up after swinging my gym bag over my shoulder. He just stared me down for a second when he had my attention. "You were alright out there," he told me and my eyebrows twitched upwards without me even meaning to move them. Did he just... Praise me? He then glanced at Justin and he gave me a smug grin.

"But try that shit again..." he said and I just rolled my eyes. He didn't finish his sentence, he just went back to his conversation with Diego and Justin.

***

The girls started fussing over me the second I walked into the house. They had somehow heard that Monty hurt my shoulder during PE and they wanted to know if I was okay. I told them that I was fine (even though my arm ached like a bitch all day) but then Sheri pulled my blazer off and revealed a giant bruise that I had no idea was even there.

The first aid kit was in the kitchen so they took me to the kitchen where they told me to unbutton my shirt. At first, I was a bit self-conscious but then I remembered that the girls weren't likely to body-shame me. 

I stood in the middle of the kitchen with just my trousers on and my shirt covering just one shoulder while my chest and other shoulder were completely exposed.

Jess was pressing an icepack to my arm while Hannah looked around for pain relief gel or something. Obviously we weren't allowed to look through the medicine cabinet so casually and it was kept under a lock but Nina had made a copy of every single key there is. She took pity on me and decided to help us out as long as we didn't tell on her.

Sheri sat at the stool, swinging her legs while I stood there awkwardly with Jessica's hand pressing the cold to my bruise.

There were loud footsteps coming down the stairs and I immediately knew who they belonged to. 

"So what's there to eat?" Monty asked as he walked through the dining room and into the kitchen. For the brief time that I've seen him, he's either been wearing his school uniform or a flannel shirt. Right then, it was a green and blue flannel.

We had just returned from school maybe fifteen minutes before and he was already asking about food. Doesn't he know lunch is at four?

He stopped in the kitchen doorway and he rested his shoulder against the frame. Jess glared at him as he took an apple from the bowl and wiped it on his shirt. She took the ice pack away from my bruises and then rubbed some of the gel that Hannah gave her into it.

Hannah joined Sheri by the counter and they shook their heads at Monty in an accusatory manner. He didn't seem to care. The girls kept their eyes on me and I had to look down at the ground but not because of them.

Monty was still stood in the doorway, biting into his apple and staring at me. If I wasn't self-conscious about my body before, I certainly was then.

"Do you mind?" Jess snapped at Monty and he scoffed.

I dared to look up and he was still seizing me up and down. He raised his eyebrows slightly and then he turned and walked back out of the kitchen.

Yep, definitely self-conscious now, I thought.

Did he just want to see the bruise he made? Admire his work? Even with the gel on the bruise, it still hurt terribly as I walked up the stairs.

Fuck Monty for doing it to my left arm. That's my writing hand goddamit.

"How are we feeling?" Justin asked me when I walked into the room. I was glad I had Justin as my roommate, he was nice to have around.

"Exhausted," I said and I flopped face down on the bed. Tired of school, the people here and everything else. Sure, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I could have a shitty roommate and no friends but I have Tyler and Justin. I told myself that I would get a hang of it soon.

"Did Monty apologise to you yet?" Justin asked and I groaned. Monty and apologising in the same sentence? Just doesn't sound right. I would have loved an apology but I also knew that Monty didn't think he did anything wrong. He was just playing football.

I shook my head and Justin scoffed. But I didn't want him to say anything to Monty, I didn't want Monty to think I was some kind of cry baby that went around telling everyone that he pushed me once or twice during a game of football. 

"It's fine, doesn't even hurt anymore," I lied and I looked up to see Justin frowning. He didn't look like he believed a word I was saying but he let it go. 

I told myself that I'll just have to put up with Monty. And if he went too far, I would stand up for myself. Just not during football.

***

On Friday night, almost everyone was getting ready to go out. I didn't feel like it, I was still getting used to my room and everything else. I wanted to just have a quiet night in to develop some of the photographs I managed to take. Tyler could even come over and help out if he wanted to. But Justin already had plans.

"Look, man. I hate to be that guy but..." He stood in front of my bed looking uncomfortable as hell and I wondered what it was this time. "Would you mind evacuating the room for an hour? Maybe two? Remember that girl I told you about?"

I still had to idea who this mystery girl was but my guess was Sheri. Justin told me a lot about her, especially just before we went to bed. It was actually kind of relaxing. 

He wanted the room to himself and he was a good roommate. I wanted to be a good roommate too. I picked up my school bag and Justin wouldn't stop thanking me as I walked to the door.

"I'll owe you one," he said and he wouldn't stop grinning. "Just an hour or two, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," I said and I shut the door behind me when I left the room. I would have taken my laptop downstairs but I didn't want to risk anyone walking past and seeing the photos that I took. So I was stuck doing homework for those two hours that Justin needed the room.

Fortunately, the living room was empty as everyone was busy either getting ready to go out or they went out already. Either way, it was peaceful and quiet for the first time in days.

I sat cross-legged on the couch with a notepad in my lap and a worksheet on top of it. Spanish. I loathed the subject. Not because it was difficult (which it was) but because I had trouble pronouncing many of the words. I could easily fake a French accent after all the family vacations in France but I couldn't fake a Spanish accent. 

I muttered to myself as I translated the sentences into Spanish. The words sounded right in my head but as soon as I said them out loud, they sounded like complete garbage. Maybe my translations were a bit off.

I scribbled on my piece of paper until I hear a loud crunch like someone biting into an apple. I froze and I didn't have to turn around to know who it was. 

Monty didn't even have to try in Spanish. He fell asleep on his desk and he still got every question right and the top scores in the class. He even talked to Diego in Spanish in the hallway at school and sometimes in the classroom if he didn't want anyone to know what they were talking about. It was more than annoying.

Monty was good at Spanish which is why I tried to hide my worksheet as quickly as possible. But it was too late. He was already stood behind the couch, leaning over my shoulder and his eyes scanned the paper. I didn't dare to look at his face.

"That's wrong," he said and he jabbed a finger at my paper where the first sentence was. He took a moment to read again. "And that's wrong too."

Was he gonna offer to help me correct them or what? The last thing I needed was Monty as my tutor. I was trying to stay _out_ of his way, not put myself right in his path. I rolled my eyes quietly as he continued reading.

"And that's..." he paused and then he let out a small chuckle. "Completely wrong," he said and I finally dragged the worksheet away from his reach and put it to the side. He snorted. "Great job pal, keep going."

Pal? Monty turned around and he was already walking away from me.

"Why do you do that?" I shouted after him and he stopped in his tracks.

"Huh?" He slowly turned his head back towards me and I suddenly didn't feel as confident anymore. I pressed my lips together but Monty wasn't gonna give up. He started walking back towards me. "Why do I do what?"

And then he was staring at me in a way that he was impossible to ignore. Like the way he stared at me at lunch on my first day here.

"Nevermind," I said and he stayed where he was for a few seconds before sighing loudly. Actually, I did have something to say to him. "You know, my shoulder still hurts." 

I expected him to make a snarky remark but instead, he looked down at his feet and sighed. "Yeah... sorry about that," he said and I stared at him. Did Monty just... Apologise to me? But then he had to ruin it. "Just didn't think you were so fragile."

I rolled my eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door. "I'm not," I argued with him. Fragile? I may have been skinny but I wouldn't call myself fragile. "You just have really... hard shoulders." I wasn't sure if that was a weird thing to say to him but he laughed.

I _made_ him laugh and he carded his fingers through his messy hair. "Yeah..." he said and then he walked out of the room. He was still smiling when he turned his back on me.

I hated it when he did that. He acted like a dickhead all day and then he'd give me a sliver of his attention. It was like he wanted me to chase after him or something. But I wasn't gonna do that.

At least that's what I told myself.


	3. Trick Or Treat

**Chapter Three**

A week had passed of me avoiding Monty and never leaving Tyler's side at school. I kept on telling myself to just ignore Monty. Who cares that he was mimicking sucking dick in the canteen yesterday. Who cares that he kept on looking me up and down during my English presentation. 

I don't need to help Monty. He'll figure everything out by himself. He doesn't need me.

I needed to keep myself busy and Tyler was making that easy for me. He even signed me up to the photography club. Which he was in by himself.

"Yeah, it kinda gets... Overwhelming," he told me at lunch. "Yearbook photos, school dances, football games, anything really."

I was surprised that no one really treated photography like an actual job here. They just thought it was a hobby. A shitty hobby that would get you nowhere in life. Whatever.

"It would be nice to have someone help me out," Tyler said. I thought it would be good too, I could do something I enjoyed and I could help out a friend. So I agreed.

Tyler talked about it more as we walked to lesson. Maths. I was already dreading it and I tried to focus on what Tyler was telling me.

"Halloween is usually a big thing around here," he told me. "That's probably my busiest time of the year so you came right on time." Halloween was a week away and I never really cared about the holiday. If there was a party then I'd go and maybe find some cute boy to hook up with. But I didn't really care much about Halloween in general.

"So what's Halloween like around here?" I asked Tyler. Tyler was a bit awkward, I understood why it was hard for him to make friends but I was also glad that he decided to approach me at lunch.

I knew that he appreciated it when I made conversation with him but I also preferred it when he talked and I could just listen. Tyler smiled at me nervously. "There's a dance every year, in the sports hall," he explained. "The football team usually tries to scare as many people as possible and you're new so... Just watch your back, okay?"

I nodded and Tyler and I walked into the classroom. Monty was already sitting at the back of the class with Diego. The teacher wasn't in the room and Monty kept on scrunching up pieces of paper and throwing them at the back of Charlie's head. Charlie just laughed and let him continue.

Tyler raised an eyebrow at me and then we went to sit at our desk close to the window. Away from Monty. Tyler got his notebook out of his bag and then a ball of paper hit him on the shoulder. He flinched slightly and then pretended that nothing happened.

I stared at Tyler for a second. It seemed like he was used to it. He just opened his notebook and got his pen out to write the date.

"Hey, Ty-Ty!" Monty shouted and another piece of paper was launched our way. Tyler didn't react but someone should have. So I turned in my chair and Monty sat there with his eyebrows slightly raised and a smug grin on his face.

"It was him," he said even before I opened my mouth. He pointed to Diego and Diego stared at him with a slightly opened mouth. 

"Really fucking mature," I muttered under my breath and then I turned back around. Tyler was moving his leg up and down and I guess that he's never stood up to Monty before. Or anyone for that matter.

I was silently praying that the teacher would come into the classroom so I could focus on the lesson and not on my heartbeat. I wasn't used to talking back to people and my heart always started to race whenever I argued with someone.

But then I felt the light contact of the paper hitting the back of my neck so I sighed and turned back to Monty again.

"Throw it back Williams, dare you," he said and he raised his eyebrows playfully. I rolled my eyes. Obviously, I wasn't going to throw it back, I wasn't a child.

But Monty was being persistent. He threw another ball of paper my way and by then I was completely fed up with him. I grabbed the paper from the floor and I threw it straight at him. He dodged it.

"Winston!" Of course with my luck, the teacher walked into the classroom just as I threw the paper. Let's just say that she didn't look impressed.

"See me after class," she said and she shook her head at me. My cheeks were so red that I thought I was going to melt from embarrassment.

I didn't dare to look back at Monty but I could imagine his smug grin in my head.

***

"I hate Monty," I announced the second I walked into the room. Justin raised an eyebrow as he had no idea what happened, he was in a completely different maths class.

I threw my school bag on the bed and then I groaned in frustration.

"What's he done now?" Justin asked and he put his laptop aside to show me that I had his full attention.

"It's not about what he's done..." I said and I sat down on the edge of the bed. "It's more about what he made me do." If he hadn't behaved like a fifth-grader then I wouldn't have thrown that paper. At least I didn't get a detention or my parents would be furious.

Justin then laughed. "Oh yeah. Didn't you try to throw a paper at him or something?" Justin picked his laptop back up. Obviously my rant about Monty wasn't worth his time.

Then I was worrying about how Justin found out. "Did Monty tell you?"

"Yeah. Kind of." Justin replied and then he paused as he focused on the screen in front of him. "He mentioned something at lunch." So he was talking about me. I didn't know what to think of that.

I got dressed in some comfortable clothes and then I went down to lunch. The table was pretty much empty as the guys all had football practice or whatever.

I sat with Sheri and Nina who were discussing Halloween.

"Noo, we dress as cheerleaders every year," Sheri complained and Chloe rolled her eyes.

"What about... Nurses?" Chloe suggested and Sheri shook her head.

"Nu-uh not happening," Sheri said and I pretended not to be listening while I ate my mashed potatoes.

This Halloween dance seemed like a big deal, especially to the girls. I wasn't sure if I was keen on going.

"What are you going as Jess?" Chloe asked and Jessica just laughed.

"I'm not going," she said and she didn't explain further. No one told her to.

So Chloe's attention went to me. "Have you thought about what you wanna go as?" she asked me and Sheri rolled her eyes at me.

"Ignore her, you don't have to go if you're not comfortable with it," Sheri told me and I was glad that she was there to stick up for me.

"Yeah I don't even have anything to wear," I told them hoping that that would be a good enough excuse for them to leave me alone.

Jess left the table looking fed up with talk about the dance and Hannah followed her shortly after.

"We could go to town and get you something," Chloe offered. She thought that she was helping but she was completely oblivious to how uncomfortable I was.

"I'll think about it," I said.

***

As the Halloween dance got closer and closer, suddenly it was all that everyone could talk about. Even Tyler got swept up in it.

"I really like her," Tyler told me at break when we were sitting in the library and I was trying to copy down his notes for the English work. The teacher spoke too fast and I didn't quite catch all of it.

"Mhm," I said. Did I need to remind Tyler that talking to girls wasn't exactly my speciality? I told him that I was gay only a few days after knowing him. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t homophobic or anything and he wasn’t.

"Do you think... Maybe you could talk to her for me?" Tyler asked shyly and I looked up from my notes. I wanted to help but I thought that this was something Tyler should do by himself.

"If you want to go to the dance with her then you should ask her," I told him because it seemed like common sense to me. If you like someone then you should just shoot your shot, you know?

"What if she says no?"

"What if she says yes?" I replied and Tyler looked down like he was thinking about it. "Can't hurt to try."

"I guess..." Tyler said and he looked around the library nervously.

"Is she here?" I whispered and Tyler's cheeks flushed pink before he bowed his head to cover it.

"Don't turn around," Tyler told me so I turned around to see a blond- Chloe. It was Chloe.

"Oh," I said. It benefited me to listen to all the conversations at lunches. Chloe already had a date with Zach. I heard her telling Sheri that she was actually hoping Diego would ask her but Zach was good enough too. She should at least be happy that she had a date.

"What?" Tyler asked and I explained to him as nicely as possible that Chloe was already going with someone to the dance. Tyler looked heartbroken but there wasn't much I could do to comfort him.

_ "I _ could go with you, if you like," I offered because that was the best I could come up with. Tyler smiled at me but it was clear to me that he didn't really like the idea. We both knew that I was doing it out of pity.

"I think I'll just... Stay home," Tyler finally decided and my first thought was: not good. I didn't want to go to the dance alone. I only had Tyler around to talk to and if Tyler wasn't there then it could be super awkward.

But Tyler told me that I could just take his job and be there to take the photos for the yearbook, apparently, it made the night slightly less lonely and I agreed. Partially because I knew Tyler wouldn't want to be there taking photos of Zach and Chloe so I was technically helping him out.

Being there just to take photos also meant that I didn't need a date. I could just show up, do my job and nobody would think it was weird.

***

The minute we came back from school, all the bathrooms were taken and the girls locked themselves away in their rooms as they got ready for the dance.

"Girls," Justin said and he rolled his eyes. He wasn't planning on going, he told me that it was a stupid dance for fifteen-year-olds and he'd much rather prefer to stay at home. I wished I could do that but I made Tyler a promise.

Justin stayed and talked to me in our room as I got dressed. I didn't have a costume so I just put on a black turtleneck and black jeans. I reckoned that it would be easy for me to blend in. If anyone asked I could just say I was Ted Bundy.

Then it came to the hair part. When I was in my bedroom back at home, I could spend hours just styling my hair without getting interrupted but now Justin watched me every time and he made fun of me for caring so much. He didn't even brush his hair when he woke up so I wasn't surprised.

So Justin sat on his bed and he occasionally looked up from his phone to watch me for a few seconds before looking away again. I was almost finished, I was just trying to get the curls right so they wouldn't go flat and stick to my forehead when the door opened. There was no knocking, Monty just burst right in like he lived here.

"Let me borrow a blazer," he said like Justin didn't even have an option to say no. While Justin went over to his closet to look for a blazer, Monty leaned against the door and watched me. 

I thought it was weird how he always stared at me. I didn't even have to look up to know that he was doing it. I kept my eyes on the mirror in front of me as I brushed through my hair. I glanced up and Monty was observing me like I was the most interesting thing he's ever seen.

"Who are you trying to look good for?" he asked and I looked back at the mirror. I was silently praying that Justin would hurry up. 

"Oh, he does this every day," Justin answered for me but he stayed looking through his closet. I ran my fingers through my hair and it finally looked more or less how I wanted it to. Only took me about twenty minutes. 

"No date then," Monty observed and he raised his eyebrows at me. "Not surprised."

I glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" Obviously I didn't have a date, I was only there for a few weeks. I was lucky enough to have made a few friends. Monty didn't answer. "Oh, don't tell me  _ you _ have a date," I said and I rolled my eyes.

As attractive as Monty was, he was also disrespectful and mean. He talked about girls like they were objects in the locker room and I couldn't imagine any one of them dating him even if they did do all those things with him that he bragged about.

"Yeah I do actually," he said and he didn't elaborate further on who his date was. He probably doesn't even know her name, I thought. 

Justin walked over and gave Monty a navy blazer. Monty was just wearing black trousers and a white shirt. I think they were his school uniform trousers and shirt but I didn't point it out. 

"Just don't fucking stain it man," Justin sighed and Monty thanked him before walking out again. I knew that the guys all kind of stayed together but I wasn't sure who was close friends with who. It was fun to observe them in the corridors and at lunch just to see who was really friends with who.

Even though Monty and Justin spent a lot of time together, they didn't look like they were the closest of friends. Maybe once they used to be but not anymore. Monty seemed to be much closer to Diego than anyone else. At first, I thought that it was Charlie but Monty just treats Charlie like a toy, they're not really friends.

When I went downstairs and left Justin behind in our room, the girls were already talking excitedly in the living room. Sheri saw me first. She was the only girl not wearing a costume, I guess Chloe didn't manage to convince her to go as cheerleaders together. 

"Oh!" Chloe gushed when she saw me. I tried to smile at her but the attention on me made me nervous. "Wow, you look so good!" I smiled at the compliment but Chloe wasn't done. She reached into her bag and pulled out a set of vampire fangs.

"Emergency Halloween costume," she told me and she threw the unopened box my way. I wasn't sure if walking around with plastic teeth in my mouth for the entire night was something I wanted to do but I didn't want to upset Chloe.

She helped me out to make sure that they were in properly and I kept on licking over them at how strange they felt. I've never taken Halloween this seriously before. 

Monty and Charlie were in the kitchen, I could see them through the open doorway. Monty was smearing ketchup all over Charlie's face and shirt. 

"Does it look real?" Charlie asked Monty and he said that it did whereas it looked like Charlie dropped a plate of ketchup down his front.

It hadn't clicked to me until a few seconds after when I realised that maybe  _ Charlie _ was Monty's date. That's why Monty didn't say anything about who he was going with. But of course, I was wrong, Courtney came downstairs and it turned out that  _ she _ was Monty's date. Maybe it was just me but I thought that Courtney would rather go as Chloe's date than Monty's. 

"I like the teeth," Zach commented as he walked past and he winked. 

"Fanks," I said and I hated the teeth for giving me a lisp, I haven't had a lisp since middle school and there I was embarrassing myself in front of Zach who was trying to compliment me. I always read too much into stuff, he was just teasing me.

I walked out of the living room leaving the rest of them behind, I preferred to get there early and sort everything out. Fortunately, Tyler was waiting for me at the door. He didn't dress up much, just like me. He wore a normal suit and he had one of those light-up skeleton masks resting on the top of his head. He grinned at me as I got closer.

"Didn't think I'd be seeing you today," I said to him and I smiled back. He looked quite happy for someone who found out that the girl he liked was already someone else's date.

He shrugged and then he started walking us into the building. "Just thought it was the friend thing to do to come and hang out with you," he told me and he had no idea how much I appreciated it. Tyler really wasn't so bad.

***

At some point, Tyler took over and he took some photos for a while so I wouldn't be alone. He complimented my camera while I sat on the bleachers and I sipped on diluted orange juice. It was horrible but I was thirsty. It was stupid of me to wear a turtleneck, it was sticking to my body uncomfortably.

I took advantage of my small break to observe the dance floor and see if I could spot anyone I knew. Zach and Chloe were dancing together, her face and cheerleader outfit stained with fake blood. Then there was also Charlie and Diego who seemed to be arguing about something but in a jokey kind of way. I was surprised to see that Charlie wasn't clinging onto Monty's arm.

So then I started looking for Monty. He had a new addition to his Halloween costume. Before he was just wearing a plain suit, red contact lenses and now he also had a headband with devil horns on his head. I'm pretty sure he took that from one of the younger kids. Kind of suited him.

He was dancing with Courtney. Okay, 'dancing' may be an exaggeration. He had his hands on her ass and his tongue in her mouth as they grinded against each other. He didn't exactly look like he was enjoying himself.

"Here, you can have it back," Tyler said and he handed the camera back to me. I tore my eyes away from Monty and I took my camera back.

"Thanks," I mumbled and my cheeks flushed because I got caught staring at Monty. I didn't want Tyler to start questioning me. Except he wasn't like that. I still felt awkward about getting caught.

"I'll...just go to the bathroom," I told Tyler so I gave my camera back to him and I walked down the bleachers alone. I told myself to just ignore Monty and let him do whatever he wanted but... I just wanted to know him. It wasn't about being friends with him, it was about helping him to open up and see that there was nothing wrong with being... Whatever he was.

An asshole. That's what he was and I should have remembered that.

I was washing my hands in the bathroom when suddenly all the lights went out. I paused for a second and I looked up at the ceiling almost expecting the lights to turn back on. But they didn't.

I heard excited screaming coming from outside and when I left the bathroom, I realised that the electricity went out in the whole school. Even the music had stopped and now it was deadly silent. It was like being in a horror movie. 

I fumbled around in my pocket for my phone but instead, I found the fake vampire teeth that I put away earlier. I could hear a teacher's voice down the corridor, she was telling everyone to come into the gym and that it's just a power shortage and nothing to worry about.

I started to walk towards the direction of her voice but then a pair of strong arms grabbed onto my shoulders and pulled me back.

"What are y-"

"Be quiet!" Monty hissed and he pulled me back even further. I couldn't see his face but I recognized the soft sound of his voice and he kind of stunk of ketchup so that was a giveaway too.

He eventually took his hands off of me and then turned back to the emergency exit door. I stayed where I was. "Erm... I think they told us to go back to the gym." I said nervously and I took a step back so Monty couldn't grab me and take me with him.

He paused, sighed loudly and took one step towards me. "Are you coming or not?" It sounded like he wasn't going to ask twice. So he wasn't desperate to hang out with me but he also wouldn't mind if I did go with him.

I told myself to stay away from him and mind my own business but I found myself following him out the door. The cold air hit me in the face and I shivered lightly. Monty didn't seem to have a problem with the temperature, he just closed the door behind us and started walking away.

So first he wanted me to come with me and then he was leaving me behind. Typical Monty. And typical me for following him.

"Where are we going?" I asked once I finally managed to catch up to him. He took big strides when he walked and it was difficult to keep up with him but I managed. Just about.

He scoffed. "You ask too many questions," he said and he kept walking in one direction. Now that we were outside, it was easier for me to see him. He still had his red contact lenses in and the devil horns.

We were walking out in the open and anyone could see and catch us, Monty didn't seem to care. He eventually turned right past an old shed that looked like it's been here for a century and a half. I had a bad feeling about this, I didn't know where I was or what Monty's intentions were and yet I was happy to follow him to God knows where. I couldn't be more obvious if I tried.

Monty stopped and then he started looking around at the ground. I stood where I was having no idea what we were looking for.

"Do you have a flashlight?" Monty asked me without taking his eyes off the ground. He tapped his foot in one place where the grass was slightly shorter.

"I have my phone," I said and Monty immediately held his hand out. So I passed my phone to him after turning the flash on. Fortunately, I had a password on my phone so I at least knew that Monty couldn't go snooping around.

He flashed my phone at the ground and then he broke out in a grin. I shifted from foot to foot in order to warm up as I watched Monty crouch down and pull at something. I wasn't sure what he was doing until he pulled back an entire section of grass to reveal a hidden passage.

"Go on then," Monty said and he flashed my phone into the pitch-black hole. It wasn't deep, you just had to lower yourself in properly and your feet would be touching the concrete below within seconds.

I stared at him. He couldn't be serious, did he think I was stupid? There were about a million ways that this could go wrong.

"You first," I said and Monty rolled his eyes but threw the phone back at me. He placed his legs inside the opening in the ground and then he turned to me. "Think about closing the latch and I'll fucking kill you," he said and jumped in without hesitation. I think my heart stopped for a moment then.

I cleared my throat and then Monty took a step back so I lowered my legs into the passage. I put my phone into my pocket and I tried to tell myself to stop being a pussy and just jump. I held myself up by my hands and then I slowly lowered myself down.

I held the flashlight up and I looked around the... Basement? It looked like an old basement or something.

There were a bunch of old rotting wooden shelves and jars of whatever on them. Ew. I felt like I was getting kidnapped but I didn't dare say it out loud or Monty would tease me about it until the day I die.

A chair stood on the side and he moved it closer to the opening in the ground. "That's our way out," he said and then he wiped his hands on his black jeans. They left grey dust marks.

"What are we doing here?" I asked and I rubbed at my eyes where I was sure some dust had gotten in. Monty stopped in front of me and he lifted one eyebrow.

"What did I say about you asking questions?"

"Sorry," I mumbled and I was glad that it was too dark for him to see how flushed my cheeks looked. One question was running through my mind, why did he bring me here? But of course, I couldn't ask it. Monty wasn't acting like such an asshole when he was alone so I thought that maybe I'd have more luck getting through to him while we were alone.

He walked like three steps forward and then he turned back to me and held his hand out.

"What?" I asked. My heart thudded as I thought he was trying to hold my hand. But his eyes stayed fixed on my phone.

"Phone," he said and I groaned.

"Can't you use yours?" I saw that he had it in his pocket and yet he wanted to use mine, maybe it was dead.

"No," he said simply and he snatched the phone out of my hands. No fucking manners whatsoever.

He looked around the cold basement until he found what looked to be an old wooden crate. It seemed to be all rotten and crawling with all sorts of things but Monty just turned it upside down and sat down on it. I still wasn't getting my phone back.

I stood where I was as I watched him search his pockets. I wasn't going to sit down on that thing, I much better preferred just standing here.

Monty took something out from his pocket and I stared at it. "Is that..."

"Weed?" Monty finished for me and he grinned. "Yes." I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot as I tried to work out what to do in case he asks me if I want to smoke with him.

He lit the joint and then he brought it to his lips like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Didn't your friend get suspended for drugs?" I asked and Monty chuckled.

"Bryce..." he said and then he shook his head after blowing out through his lips. "Fucker wasn't careful and got caught." So I guessed that drug use was pretty normal around here, you just had to be careful. I wondered if Justin took drugs, he also spoke about it casually like Monty did but I've never seen him do anything remotely shady.

Monty continued to smoke as he looked me up and down. He's done this so many times before that you'd think I was used to it but every time he looked at me, it just made me more and more nervous.

"Aren't you gonna sit down?" he asked and the way he asked made my heart skip a beat. I quickly shook my head. Sit down where? In his lap? No thank you, I wasn't looking to get beaten up and left here.

"Suit yourself," Monty said and he raised his eyebrows like he did whenever I did literally anything. I wished that I hadn't come here. I hoped that Tyler wasn't worrying about me, I would send him a message but his highness held onto my phone like it was priceless.

I had a feeling that Monty had something to do with the power outage at school but I didn't ask. I wondered if they had their power back yet or if they were still stuck in the gym waiting for it to turn back on.

"Want some?" Monty asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. He held the joint towards me and I wasn't sure what to do. I had never taken drugs before, I wasn't some kind of innocent little kid but I never took drugs.

I wanted to shake my head but Monty was watching me carefully like it was entertaining for him to watch me struggle to say no to him. What would he do if I said no?

I never found out because I nodded and that was that. My faith was sealed.

I took one step forward so I could take the joint from Monty but that wasn't what he wanted to do. He got to his feet and he walked towards me so confidently that I felt even smaller than I was.

I had no idea what he was trying to do but he stopped in front of me, brought a hand up to my hair and then he slowly pushed it back to reveal my forehead. I didn't like how his fingers got tangled in my hair how his hand moved up across my forehead and how he kept eye contact with me all throughout doing this. I didn't like it because I loved it.

Then he grabbed onto my curls at the top of my head and he tugged hard. Why was I  _ enjoying _ it? It had taken me so fucking long to do my hair just the way I wanted it and now Monty was messing it up. The worst part was that I wanted him to. I wanted him to not only mess my hair up but also my clothes.

I hadn't realised how heavily I was breathing until Monty brought the joint to my lips and he held it for me. I was just embarrassing myself more and more. I slightly parted my lips and then Monty's fingers made contact with my lips. But it was fine, he was just holding the joint for me.

Fuck, I got so fucking worked up from just him touching me.

I inhaled the horrible taste and I tried my best not to cough even when it tickled the back of my lungs. The smoke-filled my lungs and I quickly blew it out.

"Again," Monty ordered so I inhaled again like the fucking bitch boy I was. His fingers were pressing into my lips and I told myself to keep it together.

I hated the red contact lenses he had on, not only did they cover his natural eyes but they also stood out in the dark and it just fucking scared me.

Monty loosened his grip on my hair and I slowly exhaled again. "Good," he whispered and I felt shivers travel up my spine.

I wonder how much differently that night would have gone if Monty's phone didn't ring, if he didn't pick up and if he hadn't stepped back. But he did.

I waited as he brought the phone this ear and he listened. I tried to listen in but I could only make out inaudible murmurs.

"Okay... Alright, I'll be right there," Monty answered and then he hung up. He put his phone back in his pocket and then he realized that my phone was in his other one. He quickly took it out and gave it back to me so at least he didn't leave with it.

He blew the joint out and then left it on the crate.

"What's wrong?" I dared to ask but Monty ignored me and he walked back over to the wooden chair by the exit. He suddenly seemed nervous and unsure of himself and I knew that something had happened. 

He stepped onto the chair, pulled himself up and got out with ease. I started panicking then thinking that he was just going to leave me.

"Hurry the fuck up, we don't have all day," he snapped at me and I never moved faster in my entire life. I stepped onto the chair and I grabbed onto the ground to pull myself up.

Monty decided to be useful, he reached down, grabbed onto my arms and he pulled me up. I had to crawl out onto the ground and then I rolled out of the way to let Monty close the opening again.

"Go back to the house," Monty ordered then and I glared at him.

"And where are you going?" I called after him once he began to walk away.

"Mind your fucking business," he shouted back and he didn't stop walking. But I stayed where I was and he turned around and saw me. He stopped and I could see him clench his jaw even though he was a few meters away from me. He pointed in the direction of the houses. "House. Now."

So I rolled my eyes and then I did as I was told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i put this chapter through about twenty spell checks and im sure that its still full of tyops   
> hope you enjoyed it, leave a comment if you did :)


	4. Daddy Behaviour

**Chapter Four**

I had no idea what was going on when I returned back to the house but Justin was on the phone with Zach. The dance ended early as the teachers couldn't turn the power back on and they would have to wait for an electrician to come and fix it. It would help if they knew what caused the power outage. 

"What the hell happened?" Justin asked me once Zach hung up on him. He already knew what happened, he knew more than me but what he really wanted to know was why I was back so soon. 

"I, uh, I left early because I had a headache," I lied to Justin but he seemed to believe me. Good to know I was still a decent liar. 

I got dressed into a loose T-shirt and joggers as quickly as I could so I could get out of the sticky turtleneck. It reeked of sweat but not only because of the heat in the sports hall but also because I broke out in sweat whenever Monty came anywhere near me. 

I was on my way out of the bathroom when I heard angry and frustrated voices coming from downstairs. I looked over the balcony and saw that the girls were back but there was no sign of the boys. Chloe was close to tears, Courtney was comforting her and Hannah just looked pissed off. They were all drenched in water from head to toe. 

I wasn't the only one who noticed that they were back. The girls that stayed at home, Jess, Sheri and Nina all came rushing out of their bedrooms downstairs to find out what happened. I didn't want to add to the chaos so I simply sat on the stairs and I listened as the girls explained what happened in the living room. Mrs Jensen came out from the kitchen to join them when she heard the distress in Chloe's voice. 

After a lot of crying and talking over each other, I found out that after the lights went out, the teachers locked everyone in the sports hall so that no one would go missing or snooping around the school. Apparently it was for their own safety. 

Then the fire alarm went off and so did the sprinklers hence why everyone came back looking like they went swimming fully clothed. The teachers found Charlie and a bunch of other guys from the football team messing around in the corridors and they took them away for questioning.

"Boys are so  _ stupid _ !" Chloe wailed. I couldn't understand what Tyler saw in her, she could be sweet but she was whiny and annoying most of the time. She was upset that her date with Zach and her outfit got ruined. Zach was inside the hall when it happened but they still took him away as he's the captain of the football team. 

"I think not going was a good call, huh?" Justin said and I hadn't realised that he was leaning over the balcony and listening in to the girls too. 

"Yeah," I said and then I stood up and I walked back to our room wondering what part Monty played in this. Was he a part of it or not? He certainly couldn't have set off the fire alarm because he was with me then. So maybe he was only in it for half the plan. 

I laid on my bed and I waited to hear the door open and for the guys (or maybe just Monty) to walk back in laughing saying that it was all some big misunderstanding. I knew that Monty was mean, he was a bully and he wasn't a good person yet I wanted to believe that he could change and it was all just a mask that he put on. 

They didn't come home until it was late and even Mrs Jensen started to get worried. They all looked exhausted and miserable and I quietly observed them from the balcony. Zach was drenched, Charlie looked like he'd been crying for the past hour and Diego and Monty both looked equally pissed off and frustrated.

The girls glared at them all when they entered the living room. Well, most of them did, Monty tried to sneak up the stairs but Mrs Jensen called out to him and he was forced to go back down. 

The girls were sent to their rooms, the living room door was shut firmly and I could hear the low murmur of Mrs Jensen's voice as she told the boys off. 

Justin came out from the bathroom and then we walked back to our room together. "Mess," Justin said uncomfortably not knowing what else to say. We sat in our room, Justin tried watching something on Netflix but he couldn't concentrate and I tried to focus on homework but my mind was racing. Fuck, I left my camera with Tyler, I thought. But it was okay because I trusted Tyler to take care of it.

I wasn't just thinking about the dance, I was also thinking about what happened after with Monty. He took me to some… basement and he managed to get me to smoke weed with him. That wasn't the part I cared about. I just wanted to feel his fingers tugging at my hair again. What would Monty do if I made a move on him? Obviously not in public, I didn't have a death wish but if I tried to in private… I was sure that Monty would have to give in. 

I fell asleep at some point and Justin didn't bother waking me up for dinner. Not that I minded, I didn't feel hungry and I was sure that if I ate anything I would have probably vomited it right back out. 

When I woke up it was just past six and Justin was snoring softly. I tiptoed to the bathroom and I listened for any indication that anyone else was awake. I paused outside of Monty's room but I could hear nothing.

I wondered what I should do. Breakfast wasn't until eight and I certainly wasn't going to go back to sleep. Then I remembered about the swimming pool that Tyler told me about. It was on school grounds but you had to use another exit, it opened at six every day. 

There was no rush, I got dressed quietly and then I emptied out my school bag and put a towel and my bathing shorts inside. 

I needed to sign myself out at the door so Mrs Jensen would know where I was and then I was on my way. Walking to school this early in the morning was actually kind of calming. There were no silly boys running around, no girls giggling and there was no rush to get to my first lesson on time. 

I slowed down when I was walking past the shed. I almost felt like I had imagined what happened between me and Monty. But the latch was still there and suddenly it felt like I was lowering myself back into the hole with Monty again. I blushed at the memory of him pressing his fingers to my lips. 

I quickly hurried past before anyone could see me and then I looked for the entrance to the swimming pool. The lady at the desk smiled at me and I noticed that the electricity was back. I walked past her desk, through the corridor and then to the changing room. I thought I was the only one there and I got changed in peace and quiet. 

I was excited to have the whole pool to myself but when I walked towards it, I saw that a blonde guy was already sitting on the edge and dipping his legs into the water. I had seen him a few times in the hallway but he wasn't in any of my lessons. He carried a cane with him and I didn't think I ever saw him smile. 

He was frowning at me and I realised that I was staring. Fuck I need to stop creeping people out, I thought. So I kept my head down and I tried to walk past to avoid further humiliation but the boy called out to me. 

"Hey, you can join me if you like," he said and he sounded desperate like he really wanted me to join him. Come to think of it, I never saw him hanging out with anyone, he was always alone whenever I saw him. 

I walked over to him slowly and that was the first time that I saw him smile. "I can't swim yet but I like to come here and pretend that I can," he told me and he nodded to the cane that was laying down next to him. I didn’t know why he carried the cane around and it seemed rude to ask.

What do I even say to that? It was a bit strange to start a conversation off like that. I sat down next to him but not too close and I moved my legs around in the warm water. 

"Sorry, I'm Alex," he then said and he shook his head like he couldn't believe what he started the conversation with before. He didn't give me a chance to reply. "And you're Winston. Bryce's replacement." That was the second time this week that I heard Bryce's name. Monty was the one saying it last night and I immediately started thinking about him. 

"Um… sure," I said. I thought Tyler was bad at starting conversation but Alex was even worse. Of course, I had to sit there and be nice to him, I wasn't looking to start drama not even a month after being at boarding school. 

I was wondering when it would be appropriate for me to jump in the water and start swimming away from Alex but he kept talking to me, asking about the Halloween dance that he couldn't go to and if I knew what happened. I thought that he'd want me to explain so I said that I had no idea what happened. So  _ he _ started explaining. 

I had to listen to another telling of the story and I nodded along politely. "It was all Monty's fault," Alex scoffed and then he had my full attention again. 

"Pardon?"

He turned to me and nodded. "Yeah, he admitted that it was all him, he planned it and turned the fire alarm on. The football team tried to take some of the blame but… it was all Monty. I just felt bad for Charlie, apparently, he wouldn't stop crying and saying that it was all his fault. Monty is a dick for using Charlie like that."

I listened to Alex and I wanted to shoot my brains out. He sounded so dumb, he clearly knew nothing about Monty. I mean, neither did I but Monty didn't do it. He might have taken the blame but he was with me when it happened. He was covering for someone. 

I nodded along and Alex seemed happy enough that I was agreeing with everything he was saying. An hour seemed to go by and I didn't even get a chance to dip anything above my knees in the water. 

"I, uh, I should get going," Alex then said awkwardly and he looked at his cane. "Would you mind helping me up?" I  _ jumped _ to my feet at the possibility that he was finally going to leave me alone. So I helped him up and he held onto my arms. I remembered how Monty held onto me when he pulled me out of that basement, his hands were firm and strong, Alex's hands felt like a girl's. 

"Thanks," he said and he offered me a weak smile. My parents always taught me to help out so even though I didn't want to, I walked Alex into the changing room and I left him to it. 

The first thing I did when I got rid of him Was dive into the pool.

***

I hoped that I could just sneak back in and shower before anyone woke up but I walked inside and bumped straight into Monty who was heading for the stairs. 

I hadn't seen him since last night and seeing him again made me think about all those things again. 

He was holding a plate loaded with pancakes and inside those pancakes (as far as I could make out) we're chocolate cornflakes, whipped cream, jam and crisps. I was too busy silently judging Monty's cooking skills to notice that he had taken a step towards me. 

He put his plate on the nearest side table and he looked at me and grimaced. I've never seen him look this disgusted before and for a second I got sick with worry. 

"What the fuck did you do to your hair?" he asked me and I raised my eyebrows. The chlorine in the pool has messed my hair up, my curls were flattened and they were damply clinging onto my forehead. Of course, I had to bump into Monty when I looked my worst. 

He wiped his hands on his jeans and then he reached up and started running his fingers through my hair. He avoided eye contact and focused on my hair. He tugged, pulled and ran his fingertips across my scalp. I pressed my lips tightly together to stop a gasp from escaping from my mouth. The last thing I needed Monty to know was how much I liked having his fingers in my hair. 

He frowned and shook his head but kept going. "Why is it fucking wet?"

"Went swimming," I said and I swallowed as Monty took his hands away. Fuck, just how I wanted to tell him to keep going. Monty made that face again, the same one he made every time I spoke by raising his eyebrows.

"'Kay," he said and then he took the plate and walked up the stairs without a second glance at me. I waited until he disappeared from sight and then I walked up the stairs so he wouldn't think that I was following him or something. The guys were starting to wake up now and I regretted not showering at the pool, now I'd be stinking of chlorine until the bathroom was empty. 

I had to wait over an hour for, first, Zach to be done and then Justin. Fortunately, Monty wasn't using our bathroom again. 

I showered quickly and carefully making sure to scrub off any remains of last night too. I felt weird like I was scrubbing off the feeling of Monty touching me. But I couldn't let him get to me so easily, I had to keep it together. I wished I had gotten the chance to ask Monty why he lied but he was never alone. 

It was a Saturday so everyone was planning on going out. Except for Monty. I found out that he was grounded from Justin. 

"Yeah… he like… fuck." Justin never and I mean  _ never _ cared about what he looked like but here he was, asking me for hair advice and using my hair products.

"That's way too much," I said as I watched him pour some of my hair gel into his hand. He grimaced at the gooey texture and then he put half of it back into the container. 

"I don't know how you do this every day," he muttered and he started pushing his hair back with his fingers. 

"Come on, what were you saying about Monty," I said as he went silent and focused completely on his hair. 

"Oh. Right," he said and then he brushed through his hair with my comb. "Yeah, he's grounded for a full month. No going out whatsoever which sucks as his birthday is coming up soon. Oh well."

A full month? Monty's birthday? Okay, this was a lot to take in. Then Justin turned back to me and grinned. "How does this look?"

He definitely put in way too much gel but it seemed to work out for him. I still didn't know which girl he was seeing, my first guess was Sheri but now I was thinking Nina. 

"Great," I said and then Justin grabbed his jacket and headed out of the door. 

Throughout doing my homework, I was thinking of a way to go into Monty's room and ask him if he was covering for someone or if it really  _ was _ his idea to set the sprinklers off. I would have to wait until Zach left because if Zach were to be in the room then Monty would certainly act like an asshole again. 

I heard a soft knock on the door but the person behind it didn't wait for an answer, he just pushed the door open. Monty. So I wouldn't need to go into his room after all. 

"Just giving Justin his blazer back," Monty explained. He closed the door behind him and then took his time putting the blazer on a hanger and hanging it on the door of the closet so Justin could see that it had been returned. This was my chance.

"Why did you lie?" My question caught him off guard and he frowned looking all confused. "I mean, did you really have anything to do with those sprinklers?" I had just convinced myself that he didn't so the possibility that he didn't lie completely left my mind. 

Monty rolled his eyes and he sighed loudly. “Why do you care?” He put his hands in his pockets and he stopped at the foot of my bed. He was so close to my bed, so close to being in my bed. I hated that I couldn’t stop thinking about him in that way. 

“Why’d you go so red?” Monty asked me then and he raised an eyebrow. I hated hated hated the tone of his voice. Why do I always have to embarrass myself in front of him?

“I, uh… It’s hot,” I said and I moved on the bed so that I was sitting instead of laying down. I sat on the edge and I looked over at Justin’s bed. I looked anywhere but at Monty.

“What’s hot?” he asked and I wanted to punch him for doing this. My heart was racing and he hadn’t even touched me, he just said two words to me. Why did I let him do this to me?

“T-the room. Here. It’s hot,” I said and I cleared my throat. That wasn’t so bad, maybe if my face wasn’t so red then I could have actually made it seem casual. Luckily for me, Monty didn’t really care.

“Right…” he said and then he scoffed and turned back around to walk out of the room. Once he was gone, I realised that he didn’t even answer my question. But if Monty had done it, he wouldn’t be avoiding the questions. He preferred to change the topic rather than admit that he lied to cover for a friend. He really wasn’t as bad as he wanted everyone to think.

***

Back at school, Tyler had a lot of questions about what happened to me. I used the same excuse, I wasn’t feeling well and I left early.

“Before the blackout?” he asked and I rolled my eyes.

_ “Yes _ .” I put my camera back into my locker and I told myself to remember to get it out at the end of the day. I was glad that Tyler took care of it but he didn’t have to ask so many questions. 

We started walking to lesson and then I noticed that Alex was standing by his locker, struggling to stand on his cane and put his books in his locker at the same time. I felt bad so I rushed forward and Tyler followed me.

“Need some help with that?” I asked and Alex smiled when he saw that it was me offering. 

“Please,” he said with a grin. I took the folders and books from him and I neatly placed them into his locker. I looked back at him and he thanked me. It was clear that Alex didn’t have any friends and I knew what it was like to eat lunch by yourself.

At lunch, I sat with Tyler again and I asked him about Alex. He seemed very uncomfortable.

“What is it?” I asked and Tyler shrugged. Obviously something was wrong or Tyler wouldn’t be acting like this. I asked again and Tyler sighed.

“We’re not really supposed to talk about it,” he told me and he glanced around nervously like he was worried that someone might overhear us. Then he turned back to me. “You heard about Bryce, right?” I nodded. He was the guy that used to be Justin’s roommate but got kicked out. 

Tyler put his sandwich down, he must have lost his appetite. “He, erm… He bullied Alex a lot. Alex is the reason he got expelled, he snitched on Bryce and now no one wants to be his friend. The football team never leaves him alone,” Tyler explained and I frowned. So Alex was getting bullied because he did something to get Bryce to stop bullying him? The logic of some of these kids amazed me.

“Winston, I know you… Want to help and be his friend but  _ I  _ can’t,” Tyler told me and he looked down at the table. “The football team is already mean to me, I don’t want to make myself a target by hanging out with Alex.”

I could sometimes hate Tyler. I stood up for him more than once and there he was, saying he wouldn’t the same for someone else because all he cares about was himself. I was starting to lose faith in getting a decent friend around here. Then I remembered that Sheri was still around. Out of all the girls, she was the most friendly and she and Jessica were the only ones who stood up to the football team. They were having some sort of silent strike, ignoring the guys at breakfast today because of what they did at the Halloween dance.

Thinking about Sheri and Jessica was enough to give me the confidence I needed to befriend Alex.

***

I knew that talking to Alex would have consequences. When I told Tyler that I would be walking home with Alex, Tyler mumbled something about forgetting a book but really he just wanted an excuse to stay back and not have to walk with me. At least Alex was glad that he had someone to talk to.

He wasn’t very trusting, he didn’t say much about himself but he asked a lot about me. My mouth was dry from all the talking by the time I got home.

No one mentioned Alex to me, not even at lunch. I was sure I saw the football team giving us weird looks as we walked together though, I expected at least one of them to say something. And that someone just had to be Monty.

He was still grounded and part of his punishment was to wash the dishes after every meal we had every day until December. I only went downstairs because a page from my notebook was missing so I thought that it must have fallen out. I looked on the couches, under the tables and everywhere else. I couldn’t find it.

“Williams, what are you looking for?” Monty shouted from the kitchen and froze realising that he had seen me. I was trying to stay out of sight so I could just retrieve the page and go back to my room.

“Nothing,” I said and then I got up from the floor after searching under the couch. Monty stood by the sink, washing the dishes in silence. I heard him ask Charlie to stay back with him and keep him company straight after lunch but Charlie just laughed at him. I felt kind of bad that he took the blame for the team and now he was sitting here getting punished by himself. Maybe that’s why I walked over to him.

“You wanna help out?” he asked and he threw a tea towel my way. I caught it just before it hit the ground and he laughed at me. “Those reflexes aren’t going to get you anywhere.”

“Insult my reflexes once more and I’ll leave you to scrub the dishes alone,” I told him and he rolled his eyes but he didn’t make fun of me again.

I waited until he washed the plate and then he placed it on the counter for me to dry.

“Why are you hanging out with Standall?” Monty then asked and my brows furrowed.

“Who?”

Monty sighed. “Alex.” 

So he  _ did _ notice. “Is this the part where you tell me to stay away from him?” I asked. The football team wanted to completely isolate Alex, make it so that he had no one. 

Monty stopped. He put down the sponge and the plate he was cleaning. He turned to me and looked me up and down. “Do you  _ need  _ me to tell you to stay away from him?”

I scoffed. As if I was going to listen to anything Monty told me to do. I wasn’t just going to leave Alex because he wanted me to, he can’t always get his way.

“Hey! Listen to me,” he said and then he grabbed me by the chin and he turned my head so I was forced to look at him. His hands were wet and soapy with dish soap and he was smearing it all over my face.

“Your hands are wet,” I told him thinking that he’d get the hint and let go of me. He didn’t. 

“And? Okay, Winston. Listen to me,” he said and I loved it when he used my name instead of my last name. But no, I shouldn’t love it. I couldn’t like him in any way. He moved closer to me and he loosened his grip on my chin. Still wet.

“You don’t wanna be seen hanging around with that freak. Why do you think no one else is hanging out with him?” he asked and I frowned and shook him off of me. I wiped my chin with my sleeve.

“Maybe because the football team-”

“God, you blame _ everything _ on the football team,” Monty said and he stepped back and rolled his eyes. He stopped and glared at me. “I don’t even care anymore, if you wanna be friends with that cripple then go ahead, I’m not gonna stop you.”

Not like he could stop me in the first place. I threw the damp tea towel in his face and I tried to walk past but he grabbed onto my wrist and pulled me back.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to stop me?” I said before he could get a word out. He was taken by surprise that I talked back and his grip on my wrist loosened before he grabbed back onto it twice as hard.

“What are you-” I asked but I never finished my question. I lost the ability to speak as soon as he spun me around and pressed me against the table that was behind me. 

My hips were pinned to the table, his crotch was pressing against my ass and then if that wasn't enough, he wrapped his hand around my throat from behind and he tilted my head back. It shouldn't have turned me on but it did. So fucking much. 

"I'm not gonna stop you," he whispered into my ear and his lips weren't even touching my skin but they may as well have. I was flushed red and hot all over. Monty noticed, he knew what he was doing to me. He knew too well. 

I swallowed hard and I tried to figure out what to say. I closed my eyes and told myself to focus but focusing on anything else apart from his dick being so close to my ass was a challenge. I don't know who he was trying to kid but he didn't exactly look straight at that moment. 

"But you should know what's good for you, right?" Monty asked and he gently moved his thumb up and down the red hot skin of my neck. That was his way of telling me not to hang out with Alex. He told me that hanging out with  _ Alex _ wasn't good for me. Like he was any better. 

"Right?" Monty asked again and I realised that he wanted an answer. I nodded quickly and I hoped that he couldn't see the erection that was pressing against the fabric of my trousers. I couldn't even think properly but I wish I had focused more on Monty, just to see if he got hard from that. How could he  _ not _ get hard from that? 

"Off to your room then," Monty said and he released me from his hold. I've never walked away faster, I didn't even look back. 

I should have known I'd be Monty's bitch from the first time he laid eyes on me. 

Oh, boy was I in trouble...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i hope you liked that and im not sure when ill update next because college   
> thank you for reading :)


	5. Monty The Bully

**Chapter Five**

On Tuesday, it was easy to ignore Alex. Monty told me that he didn't want me around Alex and so I listened. But then Wednesday came and Alex wanted to know if I'd be down to hang out. 

"Erm, I'm kind of… busy," I said awkwardly and I looked around. I didn't want Monty to spot me talking to Alex because God knows he'd throw a strop. He could be such a child sometimes. 

Alex's face fell and he looked down at his feet. I've never felt worse in my entire life. Alex was okay, he just made an enemy of someone he couldn't handle. He needed a friend but Monty made it clear that  _ I _ wasn't to be his friend.

He came out of one of the classrooms then and he saw me talking to Alex. He told Diego to go ahead and then he leaned against the wall behind Alex and he watched me struggle to explain to Alex why I couldn't be his friend with an amused look on his face. 

"Oh. Alright. That's-"

"Actually I'd love to hang out," I interrupted Alex and the thrill I got from seeing Monty's expression harden was worth it. I'd just have to make sure not to be alone with him anytime soon, God knows he had his methods of persuasion.

Alex beamed at me. "Really? That's great!" he said and I completely focused on him and not on Monty. My heart was racing and I kind of regretted it, I knew that Monty would get mad but at the same time… I liked it when I annoyed him and he had to put me in my place. 

"Yeah, erm. We could go swimming again?" I offered but Alex had other ideas. 

"Or I could come round to your house," he said and I immediately had my doubts. I hoped the football team wouldn't mind but it would also give me an opportunity to flaunt Alex in Monty's face. 

"Um. Sure. That sounds good," I said and Alex nodded. 

"Okay… see you then," he said and he started walking away. Monty immediately peeled himself off the wall and I ran for it. Actually ran. I never run. I dodged past everyone, shouted apologies and I tried to run to my next lesson as fast as I could. Fortunately, Monty wasn't in my French class and I was safe the minute I walked into the room. 

***

I avoided Monty like the plague for the entire day. I clung onto Tyler's arm like a kid because I was worried that Monty was going to come out of nowhere and drag me off to a corner where he could… do whatever. I wasn't really fussed. 

But maybe Monty was avoiding me too. Maybe I  _ really _ pissed him off because even when we got home, he wouldn't even look at me during dinner. He ate his spaghetti and he joked around with Charlie and Diego. 

"Fuck, you're like a big baby," Diego said as Charlie’s food dribbled down his chin. Monty laughed and Diego took a napkin and wiped Charlie's mouth and chin.

"You guys are gross," Sheri said and she left the table. Jessica followed her. They were still pissed off about the Halloween thing, what ‘Monty’ did was too far and he got off easy because he was an athlete.

"Someone needs to spoon feed him," Monty joked but Charlie opened his mouth and Monty put a forkful of food into Charlie's mouth. I glared at them but they were too preoccupied with each other to even notice. 

I was surprised that no one had ever joked about Monty and Charlie dating. Maybe they just didn’t have a death wish.

I excused myself and then I left the table too. Justin was in my room getting ready when I came in. "Off to see your mystery girl again?" I asked him and he grinned at me. 

"Yeah…" He looked at himself in the mirror and then he frowned. "I'll never understand how you manage to get your hair perfect every time. How do I look?" He turned to me and he looked so unsure of himself. Justin was sweet and I loved helping him out. I just wished he'd stop hanging out with the football team and then we could be friends properly.

"Perfect," I told him and he grinned. "You must really like her," I said and Justin blushed. He was trying really hard for whoever it was. 

"Yes, I do…" he said and then he looked at his hair in the mirror one last time. He swore under his breath, it still wasn't how he wanted it. 

"Have fun!" I shouted before the door slammed shut. 

"Right back at ya!" Justin shouted from the corridor. Even though I was happy that he had someone, I also wished he wouldn't go out so much because I liked having him around. 

I stayed in my room for a few minutes just doing homework until I looked at the time and I realised that Alex should have been here ten minutes ago. I was terrified that the football team had gotten to him. Monty was right (for once), I did blame the football team for everything and I was right to do so. 

I walked down the stairs to see if maybe Alex was downstairs waiting for me and I just didn't hear him come in. But he stood by the door while Diego and Charlie stood at the bottom of the stairs and interrogated him. 

"Who?" Diego asked and he raised an eyebrow at Charlie. 

"W-Winston. We had plans," Alex said and he looked at Charlie and then at Diego. 

Diego slowly shook his head. "Nope. Name doesn't ring a bell."

"Wrong house buddy," Charlie added and he gave Alex a pat on the shoulder. I hated how one minute Charlie could be a sweetheart and then he was acting like Monty junior. He was basically a mixture of Zach and Monty.

"Er…" I said and both Diego and Charlie whipped around fast to see me standing at the top of the stairs. Alex looked up too and he sighed in relief. 

Diego and Charlie looked pissed off that I interrupted their little Interrogation but they stepped to the side and they let Alex pass. 

"You okay?" I asked Alex. That was probably the first time that I realised that Alex was a person too. He wasn't just someone I could use to piss Monty off, he was a person with feelings and he needed a friend. I couldn't care less what Monty wanted, I was going to be Alex's friend. 

Luckily Monty was washing the dishes in the kitchen so he didn't know that Alex had come over. Yet.

"Oh. Bryce's old room... " Alex said when he walked in and looked around. Oh, I had completely forgotten that Bryce basically made his life a living hell. 

"Oh. Sorry, if-"

"No, no. It's fine," Alex said quickly and he sat down on my bed. "It's an upgrade from Bryce." He smiled at me and I smiled back nervously. I still didn’t know the full story of what happened between Alex and Bryce and it felt rude to ask.

"So, erm. What would you like to do?" This was the part that I haven't even thought about. This was gonna turn out more awkward than I thought.

"We could… watch a movie," Alex suggested so I walked over to my desk where my laptop was. I opened it and I heard Alex clear his throat. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm." Conversation would be good, it would make this whole thing less awkward as I waited for my laptop to load. But at the same time, I got anxious just wondering what Alex could want to talk about.

"The guys keep saying that you're a f- that you're gay," Alex told me and then he blushed when I looked back at him. Alex was in completely different classes to me, so people I never even spoke to were talking about my sexuality.

"What guys?" I asked him. The only people I told were… Tyler, Sheri and Justin. I think that's it. Maybe Monty said something, he was mad about me and Alex so he decided to get back at me by-

"This guy called Kenneth," Alex told me and I frowned. Someone named after a male barbie doll was saying shit about me? Suddenly it didn't seem to matter that much.

"Um," I said, not knowing what to do. I mean, I was out of the closet, it's not like I was bothered by people knowing that I was gay. "And? Does it bother you?" 

Alex quickly shook his head as I looked him up and down. "No! No, of course not," he said and I nodded slowly. 

"Good." Alex already had that look on his face. Not another closeted boy, I thought. But maybe Alex wasn't closeted, he didn't look like the type to mind if I asked him.

Suddenly I realised that watching a film wasn't what I wanted to do. I moved back, leaving my laptop behind and I sat down next to Alex. He was so close to me and he was just looking at me and kind of smiling nervously.

I shifted closer to him and he breathed in sharply. I wasn't going to make the first move, I've had enough experience with 'straight' boys to know how they liked to switch things around and say that you hit on them first. I didn't know Alex well enough to be able to determine whether he was like that or not. 

But then he leaned in. His face close to mine and his eyes almost fully shut. His lips brushed past mine and I brought my hand up to touch his cheek. 

He must have panicked or something because he pulled away hastily and he cleared his throat. “Right, so what film are we watching?” I wasn’t going to make it awkward, I moved away from him and I picked the laptop up.

“Erm, you can choose,” I said and Alex was happy to pretend that he never thought about kissing me. I guess that’s one thing he and Monty had in common.

***

The film was boring so it was hard to concentrate on the actual plot. I think Alex liked it though. I excused myself to the bathroom and I was glad to finally be able to get away from Alex and that boring film. I walked out of the room just in time to see Monty walking up the stairs. He was rubbing at his hands like they hurt or something, I guess he just wasn’t used to washing dishes every single day.

He didn’t see me, he had his head hung low and he was frowning down at his hands. I could have just walked right back into my room but I would have rather faced Monty than go back in there with Alex. 

“Hey,” I said and he immediately looked up. I guess I must have had a death wish or something because why else would I be drawing his attention to myself? He told me to stay away from Alex and I didn’t.

I expected him to say something, ask me what the hell I was thinking and then teach me a lesson. He didn’t do any of that. He just looked at me, scoffed and then walked in the opposite direction to go to his room. I stood where I was unsure of what had happened.

Maybe I really  _ really _ pissed him off? I was starting to regret inviting Alex over. Monty wasn't acting like himself. 

I went back into my room and as soon as the film finished, I told Alex that I was tired and then I waited for him to go home. He was sweet about it and I was starting to like him.

I waited a few minutes and then I walked out into the hallway. I could hear Charlie and Diego in their room and Zach was downstairs with Chloe. So Monty was alone in his room. I knew that the only time I'd actually have a chance at getting through to him would be when he was alone. 

So I knocked on the door but I got no answer. I knocked again, louder this time but there was still no answer. I knew that Monty was inside though because where else would he be? 

I opened the door and there he was, he was sitting on the edge of his bed with his laptop resting on his knees. He was too focused on whatever he was doing to even notice that I had walked in. 

"You don't get to decide who I can and can't be friends with," I said. I tried to sound confident but my voice shook when Monty looked up and glared at me. I slowly closed the door behind me. 

"What are you talking about?" he asked and I had no idea whether he was pretending to act clueless or if he had actually forgotten about the warning he gave me. 

"Er, Alex is-" I started but Monty scoffed and he had this smirk on his face. 

"You think I give a fuck about that faggot or you?" he asked coldly and for a second I was surprised at his tone. Then I remembered that this was Monty I was talking to. He wasn't the Monty I had made up in my head, the one who would pretend to be an asshole but then was nice to me. No, this was Monty the guy who was actually an asshole to everyone. 

"You seemed like you did when you told me to stay away from him," I reminded him and his eyes flickered downwards like he was embarrassed to even think about what he did to me in that kitchen. I forgot how much of a bitch internalised homophobia could be, I really shouldn't have mentioned that. 

Monty then looked up and I could see that something had happened, he was acting different. Not differently like he was at lunch, different completely.

"Sorry, I-"

"Just get the fuck out," he said sternly and he looked back at the laptop screen. I stood where I was. "Did you not hear what I said?"

Of course I heard him, I wasn't deaf, but something was bothering him and for some reason, I felt like it was my fault. I took one step towards him and he immediately reached for his pillow and threw it at me. If it wasn't for the fact that I could see how mad he looked, I would have found it funny. 

But he was furious with me for some reason. "Jesus, get the fuck out!" he shouted and that's when I finally realised that this whole thing wasn't a joke. Monty could actually hurt me if he wanted to, he wasn't going to go all soft for me like they did in the movies. 

I mumbled an apology and I got out of there before Monty got the chance to throw something harder than a pillow at me. 

***

I was still confused about Monty the next morning while I got ready for school. Justin wasn't in a good mood so I guessed that his date didn't go very well. He usually told me everything about his date but he hadn't said a word about it since he came back the night before. 

He was sitting on his bed, chewing his nails nervously while staring at the phone screen. I decided to ask because maybe he knew something.

"Have you noticed that Monty's been acting… weird?" I asked him and he looked up from his phone. I was just putting my tie on so I could concentrate on my reflection in the mirror rather than Justin. 

"Erm… " he said awkwardly which is how I knew that Justin knew something. "I'm not really… supposed to say."

"Oh." I got it, I was new and Justin was Monty's friend, he wasn't going to tell me anything. Or maybe he was. His eyebrows furrowed. "Why? He hasn't said anything to you, has he?"

He meant 'anything homophobic', I knew that look. I shrugged so it wasn't exactly a lie, Justin could interpret it however he wanted. Monty had called Alex the f slur so it technically wasn't a lie. 

Justin shook his head and he sighed. "Yeah, he's… His dad found out about the Halloween prank thing," Justin explained as I reached for my school blazer. "And his dad is kind of… an asshole. So don't take anything Monty says to heart, he's just dealing with shit." 

So Monty was acting like an asshole because of his father. I wished that Justin would tell me more but he looked like he had already told me more than enough. 

"Just don't say anything. Don't tell him I told you," Justin said and I promised that I wouldn't before he went downstairs to eat breakfast.

I stayed in our room for a couple of minutes. I wondered what Justin meant when he said that Monty's dad was an asshole. Like the strict kind or maybe the homophobic kind? Based on Monty's behaviour, I decided that it was both. 

When I was walking down the stairs, Monty was walking up. He saw me and I moved to the side and ignored him to show him that I wasn't going to bother him. But Monty had a change of attitude overnight. 

I thought he was going to walk past me but then he moved to the side and walked straight into me. "Woah. Watch where you're going," he said and he walked past like he hadn't just pressed his body against mine. It was so fucking confusing to deal with him. One minute I was scared of him and then the next I just wanted him to push me against a wall and fuck me. I swear, no one made me hornier than he did. 

I focused on my conversation with Zach at breakfast to distract myself from thinking about Monty. I hated that I never felt attracted to the gay guys, it was always the closeted football guys that caught my attention and the feeling seemed to be mutual. Even at Hillcrest, they all wanted blow jobs and whatever else but none of them seemed to want to return the favour. It was frustrating.

"So was he actually here?" Zach asked and I was too busy thinking about blowing Monty to even know what he was asking about. I don't think it was about Monty in general, I think I was just frustrated and needed to get off somehow. Literally with anyone, but there wasn't much privacy around here. 

"Hmm? Alex, was he here?" Zach tried again and my eyes snapped towards him. "Are you okay man? You seem like a billion miles away."

I blushed. "Um. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, Alex was here. We just watched a movie." I told him and I stood up before Zach could ask any more questions. God, I hated myself for getting so worked up over one guy. I should have stayed away from him. 

Even Tyler noticed that something was up with me when we walked to school. "Is it Alex?" he asked. "Has he done something?"

No, Alex was completely fine. I shook my head and I sighed. Would Tyler understand if I told him? "What's Monty like?" I asked him and his eyes widened. "Like, seriously. What's he like?" 

Tyler immediately got all nervous and uncomfortable again. He never talked about Monty but I could tell that something had happened between them, maybe knowing would put me off of Monty, I thought. 

"He's a bully," he said like he didn't even need a second to think it through. "People think Bryce was the bad one but… I actually didn't mind Bryce. When Monty would… when he'd try to hurt me, Bryce would always step in and stop him." 

"What do you mean 'hurt' you?" I wasn't naive, I knew that Monty was a bully from the second I laid eyes on him. I just tried to ignore that, I hoped that maybe that was just a mask that he put on. I didn't want to think that he actually enjoyed hurting others. 

But Tyler grimaced and he bit down on his lip. "H-he… I don't know," he said shakily and I regretted asking. 

"It's okay, you don't have to tell-"

"I want to," he said and he gave me this look like he thought that I should know. I should know what I'm getting myself into because sure, Monty was hot but that didn't override the fact that he was also a piece of shit. 

"He used to threaten me a lot? Still kind of does but not as much as he used to since I started… being around you," Tyler told me and we were close to the school now. I saw a blonde guy standing in the distance and he waved at us. Alex. 

"He also… he didn't exactly beat me up but… he pushed me around a lot," Tyler explained and I was trying my best to make sense of it. There was no doubt that Monty was a bully, I couldn't ignore that. But why the fuck did I always try to think the best of people? 

Tyler said that Monty toned it down a little recently so I liked to think that maybe that meant that he was making progress, that he could become better. 

Then Tyler sighed. "Did anyone ever tell you why Alex carries that cane around?" I shook my head, I didn't want to know because I could already tell where this was going. "He got beaten up the day they excluded Bryce. No one was ever punished for it, Alex said he didn't know who attacked him. I think you and I both know who it was."

"Monty?" I asked and he nodded. I hated that Tyler was so sure that it was Monty's fault without any evidence. "How are you so sure?"

Tyler shrugged. "It just makes sense. Monty was like… weirdly loyal to Bryce."

Oh. Weirdly loyal. I knew what that meant, Monty was probably crushing on Bryce or something. I wondered what Bryce looked like, was he similar to me? 

I didn't carry the conversation on because I hated knowing about Monty, his past crush and his history of beating people up for fun. I just wished he could be more like the Monty I created in my head.

Thursday. That meant PE first lesson. God, I hated sport so much and I was already prepared to fake a twisted ankle if we were playing football again. 

But it was much worse. "Who runs for fun?" I complained to Tyler in the changing room. Whoever invited long-distance runs must have had a really sad life. I put my shirt on and then my hoodie over it. I was gonna sweat so bad but was freezing outside. Only a psychopath would go outside in shorts and a T-shirt. 

So it was only fitting that that's exactly what Monty wore. Monty and half of the class. The teacher warned me that it was too warm for a hoodie which only made me want to keep it on more. A mistake. 

I ran for about two minutes and I was already a sweaty mess. Even Tyler was faster than me and I told him not to wait for me. I stood at the sideline, trying to catch my breath and considering taking the damn hoodie off before I could be dripping with sweat. I knew that I'd have to shower after and I hated showering with the guys around, I've seen them pull the curtains back on each other way too many times. 

"Your stamina no good?" Monty shouted as he jogged past with ease and he didn't even stop for a second. Okay, so I'm guessing his stamina is good, good to know. 

There was another gay guy in the class, Ryan I think he was called. He usually stayed back and he didn't really participate in sport. He was walking, not even trying to run and I was considering joining him. 

But that would be weird. I didn't even know him and he didn't look like he was looking for a friend either. So I walked by myself, hoodie tied around my waist and my hair a sticky mess on my forehead. I didn't know why I bothered with it on Thursdays.

I looked around for Monty, hoping he'd notice and start sorting my hair out for me but he was too busy wrestling with Charlie on the grass. It was always Charlie. 

At some point I think Tyler felt bad for me and he stayed and walked with me for the remaining ten minutes. It wasn't that bad, he even convinced me to stay back with him and help out with yearbook layout. That was something I was good at. 

We were all a sweaty mess by the time we got back to the changing room. The guys showered in the shared shower like they didn't even care who saw them naked. Some of them even walked around naked as they searched for their clothes. 

Tyler didn't shower, I was pretty sure he was self-conscious about his body or something because the minute he took his shirt off, he quickly put his school shirt back on before anyone could even catch a glimpse of his chest. 

Monty went to the shower and he showered alone, everyone immediately left when he said that it was his turn in there. Everyone was terrified of him and what sort of homophobic bullshit he would come up with. 

I waited until there were only a few people left (and Monty wasn’t one of them) so that I could shower. I was already gonna be late for class so I showered in two minutes max and I swear I’ve never washed my hair in such a short amount of time.

It took me longer to get changed and my hair was still dripping wet and soaking up my blazer but I didn’t care. The only person left inside the changing room was Zach, he was fully dressed but he was staring at his phone so he paid no attention to me.

I grabbed my bag and walked out hoping that I wasn’t late to lesson. But turned out I wasn’t going to be the only one late to class that day. 

I walked out and bumped straight into a large crowd of people. I stood on my tiptoes trying to see what was going on and why they were all filing on their phones. I pushed past some people to see that Monty had Tyler pushed up against a locker, he held onto his shirt and he was shouting stuff at Tyler.

Tyer looked terrified, paperwhite and he wasn’t even moving. Then I looked at the ground and I noticed the camera at Monty’s feet. Tyler’s camera. It was broken beyond repair and Monty kicked it into the crowd without taking his eyes off Tyler.

“Fucking freak!” Monty shouted in Tyler’s face and I didn’t need more persuasion to rush forward. It didn’t look like he had the chance to hit Tyler yet and no one else was stepping forward to stop him.

“What are you doing?” I stood closer to the crowd than I did to Monty and he turned his head and glared at me. Tyler was shaking his head, telling me to just let it go. I couldn’t just walk away and let Monty do as he pleased.

Monty didn’t answer me so I ran over and I tried to push him away from Tyler. I knew it wouldn’t work, not with Monty this angry but it at least distracted him for a moment. A very short moment.

Monty didn’t need long to push me away from him. It was a small push. For him. But for me, I staggered backwards and fell on the floor. I looked so pathetic, wet hair, sitting on the floor and I couldn’t even help Tyler because Monty then punched him. Hard.

I really don’t want to think about what would have happened if Zach hadn’t stopped the fight. 


	6. The Good, The Bad and The Hot

**Chapter Six**

“It’s ridiculous! And I’m telling you they’re not going to do anything about it because he’s a football player.” Sheri ranted to me. I was like her rant buddy or something, whenever she had a complaint about one of the guys, she came straight to me and usually, Justin wasn’t around because he was on a date. But his dates didn’t seem to be turning out well recently so it was the three of us in our room. I just listened. I had nothing to say about Monty, not anymore. 

Justin rolled his eyes and sighed. “You don’t know that, wait until tomorrow and they might decide something.” Monty was still his friend, they were teammates so obviously Justin stuck up for Monty. The fight happened just a few hours before but it was all everyone could talk about during the day and as soon as we got home. 

Sheri ignored Justin and she turned to me. “How’s Tyler doing?” I heard that question about a million times during the day. Tyler was sent home and so was Monty. No one heard from them for the whole day so all attention turned to me, the idiot who thought he could stop the fight.

“I think he’s fine,” I said with a shrug. I only got a few texts from Tyler and he told me that was going to be okay. Yeah ‘going to be’. Monty beat him up pretty badly, his face was all bloody when Zach pulled Monty away.

“Why did he even do it?” Sheri asked and she looked at Justin and then back to me again. Did Monty even need a reason to beat someone up? We already established that he was a bully.

Justin looked away uncomfortably, he obviously knew more than the rest of us. Sheri was sat by my desk, opposite our beds but she went over and sat on Justin’s bed. He sighed. “Someone told him that Tyler was taking pictures of him while he was in the shower.”

I scoffed. As if Tyler would ever do that. But then they both looked at me.

“Was he?” Sheri asked me.

“No! Of course not,” I groaned. Tyler was too busy focusing on getting out of there as quickly as could to be even thinking about taking his camera out. So I kind of understood why Monty got mad but… No. I couldn’t be making excuses for him.

Monty wasn’t allowed out of his room so no one knew what was going on with him and Zach wasn’t gonna say anything. He might have been the one to break up the fight but when it came to Monty, he was loyal as hell and he wouldn’t say anything if Monty didn’t want him to. 

We continued talking for maybe five minutes, just wondering if Monty was going to get punished for this or what. Justin said that they might let him off with a warning, that would be his second one this year. Another one and he’d be excluded. 

“I need some… a break from all this Monty talk,” Justin decided and he got off his bed and walked out of the room, neither of us stopped him.

Sheri gave me a sympathetic smile. “I think it was really brave what you did, stepping in for Tyler.”

I rolled my eyes. “Stupid, more like.” Not only did I embarrass myself, but I also didn’t help Tyler and I let Monty hurt me. Complete failure.

Sheri raised an eyebrow at me. “Don’t beat yourself up over it,” she said and she slowly stood up. “Not everyone would have been able to stand up to Monty like you did.” She squeezed my shoulder and then she left too. I was alone in my room.

I wasn’t really hurt, like my ass kind hurt a little but like... It could be worse. It was more about the fact that Monty didn’t even hesitate to push me away, he just did it. Who was there to say he wouldn’t do it again?

I laid down in my bed and I reached for my phone. I didn’t have Monty’s phone number or anything, no way to contact him. I could just walk down the corridor and risk getting in trouble for talking to him but was he really worth it? Did I really want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I’d always check up on him? Not really.

So I stayed where I was, told myself that I couldn’t care less about Monty. But I had heard everyone’s side of the story except for his and it was so tempting to-No. I was going to stay right where I was.

Then Alex texted me, asking if I knew anything about what happened. I really didn’t want to go through this again so I just ignored his texts. I wasn’t Monty’s babysitter, I didn’t understand why everyone was asking me. Actually I did, I put myself straight in the crossfire so of course people thought I knew something. If only.

I really needed a proper shower after the quickie in the changing room but I couldn’t wash my hair which sucked. I usually blow-dried it and now it was all frizzy and puffy, I didn’t want to make it greasy by washing it though. 

I showered and even though Monty didn’t even share the bathroom with me and Justin, I still couldn’t stop thinking about him. One part of my brain was like ‘Monty bad’ and the other part was like ‘Monty hot’. Both were right but I had to think about myself and what was good for me. Thinking about Monty showering wasn’t good for me. Definitely not. 

So even when I got hard, I didn’t jerk off because I didn’t want it on record that I pleasured myself while thinking about Monty. I didn’t want that type of guilt on my mind. 

I walked out with damp hair and just a t-shirt and the shorts that I sleep in, I walked back to my room very slowly just in case Monty walked out and I got the chance to speak to him without him knowing that I wanted to talk to him. He didn’t come out.

The lights were off in our room and Justin was already asleep when I came back. That was unusual, I made a mental note to remind myself to ask him what was up with him when I could.

After my daily short text conversation with my mother, I went to sleep but not after overthinking every possible thing going on in my life.

***

I didn't know the definition of awkward up until that breakfast. Monty sat and ate his cornflakes in silence, no one else made conversation with each other and most of the girls (all actually) just pretended like he wasn't there. I didn't understand them, like okay sure Monty hurt Tyler but-No. He should have controlled himself, there's no excuse. 

"Isn't it especially quiet today," Mrs Jensen commented and she was right, the only sound was spoons clanging against the bowls and occasional slurping from Charlie. 

The guys from the team kept on exchanging looks, probably wondering whether they should start a conversation to make this whole thing less awkward. 

I was swallowing my food down as fast as I could, all I wanted was to get out of there. 

Justin finished his food first as always. He put his bowl in the sink and then walked back over to me. "Wanna head out together?" he asked and he put his hand on my shoulder. This was new, we usually didn't do normal friend stuff. I nodded, anything to get out of the awkwardness.

The rest of them kept their heads down, ignored Justin and me and I was never this glad to leave the breakfast table. 

"That was… different," Justin said once we were outside. It might have been early November but it was kind of warm outside. Justin didn't really do this with me so we were obviously here for a reason. 

"So why are we walking together again?"

I usually met up with Tyler by that tree over there but he made it clear that he didn't feel well enough to go back to school yet. I think he was just terrified of Monty. At least I didn't have to walk alone. 

Justin shrugged and he put his hands in his trouser pockets. "Just thought you might want to get out if there."

Okay, that was the first part. "And?"

Justin paused and then he sighed. "And I kinda need some advice."

"Go on then," I said. Always there to help. 

"The girl I was seeing?" Justin said nervously and he glanced at me. "Since our last date, she stopped answering my texts." I knew something was up. 

"Did anything…  _ bad _ happen on your last date?" I asked and Justin scratched the back of his neck.

"No, she was just… acting really distant like she didn't even want to be there," he said and then he stared at the school in the distance. "I don't know, maybe I did something to piss her off."

People could be confusing, wanting one thing one second and a completely different thing the next. We walked on and I tried to get as much information out of Justin as possible in order to try to help him. I don't think I was much help but it helped to get my mind off of Monty.

Monty had to be in school, he was in an official meeting or something for the first two hours of the day. No one knew how it went because no one dared to ask, Monty came back in the middle of maths and he looked dazed, he just sat down and didn't say a word all lesson.

I was really hoping to just talk to him, you know? Find out if he's okay because I was really starting to worry. I didn't get the chance to do that though. 

He was never alone, always had one of the guys by his side and I wasn't stupid, I knew better than to approach him while he was with his friends. I'd just have to think of another way to talk to him. 

In chemistry, we were assigned a group project. A short one but we still needed a partner. It was everything I needed to find out how Monty was doing and I was silently praying that the teacher put us together. 

I got paired with Zach instead. It wasn't… terrible. He was still Monty's roommate so maybe something good could come out of it but I still would have preferred to work with Monty. He was paired up with Sheri and I don't think I've ever seen Sheri look so disgusted. 

"We can swap partners if you like," I said to her the minute the bell rang. Most of the guys were out of there, off to football practice and none of them could hear me. 

Sheri raised an eyebrow. "What?" I said. "I'm just saying, I… wouldn't mind working with him and you obviously-"

"That's really sweet of you but I can handle Monty," Sheri said. She picked her bag up and walked out of the class, I went after her. 

"I'm just saying-"

"Winston. Trust me, I’m fine working with Monty,” she said and she stopped us in the middle of the corridor. “You don’t have to worry about me.” I knew that Sheri could take care of herself but I wanted to take care of Monty. In more ways than one.

Zach came out of the class and he spotted me then. “Can we work on this straight after school? Really busy with everything so I’d rather just get this done straight after practice,” he said and he waited for an answer.

“Sure,” I said with the hope that I would still somehow spot Monty. It could work.

***

Zach had texted me to tell me that he was going to be back in a while. And a while could mean a long time. 

Justin was in our room with his own partner, Hannah and I didn’t want to interrupt them. I asked Zach if I could wait in his room and his exact response was ‘make yourself at home, see you in a few’. 

I made myself busy just glancing over the stuff on his side, books, clothes, games, anything I could look at without touching. His room was similar to mine except it was slightly messier and with fewer hair products on the desk.

But it wasn't his side that interested me. My eyes were drawn to the bed on the other side of the room. 

There were no books in sight on Monty's side, no games, no clothes apart from a dirty sock tucked away under the bed. Actually, everything was tucked away like he was trying to hide something.

I took just one step forward but as soon as I started, my legs moved forward by themselves. I didn't dare sit on his bed in case he noticed that the covers were moved or something but I stood by his desk and I looked through candy wrappers, papers and some scribbled notes. It was all written in code or something because it made no sense to me.

He had a pen holder and under that cup was a packet of something. It looked like he was trying to hide it. Of course, I wanted to know what it was but I couldn't read it without picking up the cup so I picked it up and then seconds later I was holding a packet of Viagra in my hands. What the hell would he need Viagra for? And it looked like most of the tablets were already gone. 

The guys talked in the locker room and I listened. They all bragged about having sex with girls and Monty wasn't shy about his experiences either. He never mentioned Viagra though. 

If he was… I suddenly felt bad for sticking my nose in his business. But I was even more worried about him then. Didn’t he understand that something was wrong if he couldn’t get hard for a girl? He was forcing himself to have sex with girls and that scared me, it physically made me hurt for him. 

Was his internalised homophobia that bad? This was basically self-harm, he had no idea how harmful this was for him.

"So then Zach tried to-" The door opened and I didn't even get a second to register what was happening before Monty stood in the doorway. His eyes rested on me and he stopped talking on the phone. He didn't even say goodbye, he just hung up and then he started walking towards me. I was frozen in place, not even sure what to do. I had no excuse for what I was doing.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked me. He was in our chemistry class, he knew we were working on the project together. What he meant was: what am I doing on his side of the room.

"I-I was just, like-" I tried to explain and it wasn't until a second later that I realized that I was still holding the Viagra in my hand. 

His eyes followed the box and he snatched it out of my hand before shoving it into his pocket. He was wearing his school uniform but the tie was in his hand and his hair was wet. So he made it out of practice first. 

"So?" he asked, still waiting for an explanation. "What do you think you're doing looking through my stuff?"

I couldn't form any words so I just shrugged. Monty scoffed and he walked past me before dropping his backpack onto his bed. 

He seemed less angry than he did a second before as he ran a hand through his wet hair. "Yeah, I need it, man. My cock doesn't work properly," he justified himself. He admitted it so shamelessly that I was wondering whether I had overreacted this whole thing. Maybe Monty was into girls after all.

"Oh," was all I could say and then he raised his eyebrows. 

"Yeah... Too much weed and shit. Wouldn't recommend it," he said and then he slumped down on the bed. I didn’t try to remind him that he was the one who made me try weed. It was like he always tried to ignore any past conversations he had with me, better to pretend they never happened.

He was also back to his old self, probably trying to forget his fight with Tyler and how he pushed me back. He pushed me away and I wasn’t scared to stand this close to him. I think my mother dropped me on my head when I was a baby.

He laid down, closed his eyes and I was still standing there wondering how much time we had until Zach would be back. I could ask him a million questions but there was one that I really needed an answer to. 

“Did you beat Alex up?” I asked him and he stared at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. I had to elaborate. “Are you the reason that Alex is carrying a cane around?” Tyler was sure that it was Monty but if it wasn’t… I wanted to believe that Monty wasn’t all bad.

He looked away and scoffed. “Who said? Your twink boyfriend?” I wasn’t sure who he was referring to but it’s not like it mattered. He was deflecting, changing the subject and I was becoming less and less sure of myself with every second that passed.

“Did you or did you not?” I asked him and he crossed his arms above his head. Then he turned to me.

“What if I did? Would it really be that surprising?” he said casually and he studied my face. “You already know I beat the shit out of Tyler, why wouldn’t I do the same to Alex?”

And that was that. Monty really wasn’t worth it. I had given him too much credit and he wasn’t even trying to justify himself.

I wasn’t going to insult him because he wouldn’t have cared anyway, this was Monty we were talking about. 

I could wait downstairs for Zach. I didn’t say a word to Monty, I just walked out. 

***

Neither Justin nor I could sleep. I was getting over my imaginary idea of Monty, the Monty who was a decent person and Justin was worrying about the football team and his girl.

He already told me that he wasn’t doing so well at football and when I asked him why he couldn’t just leave the team, he scoffed. Apparently there was something shameful about dropping out of the football team. 

“Almost eleven,” Justin grumbled and I heard the sound of his phone hitting the mattress. At least it was Friday so we didn’t need to be up in the morning. 

I tried falling asleep but I only tossed and turned and Justin did the same. “Alright. What’s up with you?” he asked me eventually and he laid down on his stomach with his chin resting on a pillow. It was usually me listening to him, not the other way round so I just shrugged.

“Oh, come on. Let’s skip the denial part,” he said. “Just tell me what’s keeping you up.” I didn’t know where to start. I sighed and I tried to go back to sleep but then Justin turned his lamp on and I had no choice but to engage in the conversation.

“I actually kinda like the denial part,” I mumbled but Justin didn’t hear me. He was waiting, tapping his fingers against his pillow. “I kinda… There’s this guy.”

Justin nodded when I paused. I didn’t know if Justin was okay with me telling him all about my guy problems, if you could even call it that. “Yeah…”

“And… I don’t like him,” I said. I couldn’t like Monty, there was nothing to like about him. Justin listened and his expression didn’t change. “But he’s… really hot.”

“So you have a crush,” Justin concluded and I groaned and hit my head on the pillow. 

“No, I  _ don’t _ ,” I told him. How could I be crushing on Monty?

“Okay. Not crushing then. But you want him too…?”

I blushed. There were a lot of things I wanted Monty to do and beating people up wasn’t one of them. Justin seemed to understand because he raised his eyebrows and he had this stupid grin on his face.

“Shut up,” I said before he even got the chance to open his mouth. I didn’t need Justin to point out how much of a horny mess I was, I already knew.

“Hey, no judgement from me,” Justin said and he didn’t stop grinning like this was entertaining for him.

“Are you finding this funny?” I asked him and he laughed. Here I was, trying to explain myself and he was just laughing at me.

Justin shook his head. “No, it’s just that… You never share anything with me so this is… nice.” Oh so he enjoyed listening to me rant about whatever I was ranting about. “Tell me more.” 

What was there to tell? I hummed and I focused on the design on my black and white duvet. “So, erm. He’s not that nice. Actually he’s kind of a dick but-but at the same time he isn’t? Like I actually find myself always focusing on his good side more frequently than anything else.” Other than how hot he was of course. I paused and I glanced at Justin. He wasn’t grinning anymore, just studying my calmly.

“Sounds like a crush to me,” Justin said and before I could once again tell him that it was most definitely not, he told me to continue.

“Okay. I don’t really know what else to say though.” It wasn’t like I had spent hours and hours alone with Monty, most of what I thought about him was what I imagined him to be like in my head.

Justin shrugged. “Anything. Do I get a name?” Definitely not, that was out of the question. I shook my head. It was one thing liking Monty, it was another thing having people know about it. Wait, did I just say liking? I didn’t mean that.

“He’s just… very confusing. Like, I understand why he’s being confusing but at the same time, I wished I could just have some time alone with him. Just to talk, find out what he’s really like when he’s not pretending.” I was rambling on and I wish someone had hit me and told me to shut up but I just kept going on and on and on until I was sure that Justin regretted asking.

“Like, I can tell he’s not all bad, you know? It sounds weird, I know, but I just can’t help it,” I concluded and Justin yawned.

“Talk to him,” he said and it was the kind of thing you’d expect a straight guy to say. He didn’t know what it was like for gay guys who could get beaten up just for looking at a guy for too long. I most certainly was not going to ask Monty for some time alone with him.

I just said thanks though and then I went to bed. I didn’t actually sleep but I pretended to. Fortunately, my life problems seemed to drive Justin straight into a deep sleep.

The next morning, I woke up and I needed to shower just to find out that Monty was using our bathroom again. Monty in our shower. It was almost like he could read my mind or something.

“God, he’s such a dick!” I groaned as I got dressed. I wasn’t gonna stick around and wait for him to be done because he could take hours in there. Justin looked me up and down and he chuckled to himself.

“He’s not all that bad,” Justin said. Of course, he was always defending Monty. If only he knew that this was the same person I was ranting about the night before. Justin was going out and he invited me alone. Zach was coming too, I think it was some kind of rebound outing to help Justin get his mind off of that girl.

“Is Monty coming too?” I asked a little too hopefully but Justin didn’t catch on.

He shook his head. “He’s grounded, remember? He can’t even be out after eight now because of that thing with Tyler.” ‘That thing with Tyler’ aka Monty beating Tyler to shit. Remind me again, why do I find Monty attractive?

“So what happened in that two-hour meeting with the principal?” I asked because I was sure that Justin would know. “Did he get a warning?”

“Nah, they said there wasn’t any evidence to prove that Tyler was innocent because the camera was smashed,” Justin told me and I raised my eyebrows. Basically the school cared more about the football team than the safety of their own students.

“So first he gets away with beating Alex and now Tyler. Great,” I said and Justin stopped brushing through his hair and he looked at me.

“Alex? Monty never even touched Alex,” Justin told me and I turned around and we stared at one another. Tyler told me that it happened and Monty basically confirmed it, so what was Justin saying? 

“What about the cane?”

“It was Diego who beat Alex up,” Justin told me and he licked his lips nervously. “Monty just told Alex not to tell anyone because… Diego is already on two warnings, one more and he gets kicked out. So… Just keep this to yourself.”

So Monty was doing all this for Diego? This is what I was talking about when I mentioned his good side. Then something clicked. “Wait,” I said and Justin looked up. “Diego was behind the Halloween prank, wasn’t he? Monty just covered for him.” 

Justin’s mouth opened and closed, he didn’t need to use words to confirm what I already knew was right. “Son of a bitch.” I muttered under my breath. Monty was really risking everything for this one guy. “Why?”

“He and Diego go way back, they have this weird… bond thing. I don’t know, they’re kind of like brothers,” Justin explained. 

I needed to talk to Monty. 

***

I waited outside the bathroom for him. Creepy, I know. But I doubted that he would beat me up just for that. It was actually my bathroom, not his.

He came out after a few minutes and the bathroom was all steamy. The steam hit me in the face first and that was followed by a familiar smell.

“Is that… my cologne?” I asked him and I squinted. He was just wearing a towel around his hips and it was very hard to keep my eyes focused on his face and not anything below his shoulders. He was still kind of… Wet. Fresh out from the shower.

He shrugged and he ran a hand through his wet hair. Oh, it was my cologne alright. Was I mad at him for using my stuff without permission? Maybe I would be if he didn’t smell and look so fucking good.

Then I remembered what I was actually there for and it was much easier to stay focused then. “Why did you lie about Alex? You said you beat him up,” I said and Monty raised his eyebrows.

“I never said that though,” he said and I frowned, having no idea what he was talking about. Okay, he didn’t exactly say it but he hinted at it. “You just assumed it because…” he paused and he sighed before leaning back against the bathroom door. “Because you already believe the worst of me, don’t you?”

I was up all night trying to think of any of his redeeming qualities, how could he say that I thought the worst of him?

He tried walking away and I surprised even myself by snatching at his arm and pulling him back. “Will you let me fucking answer or what?”

He froze in place and I could see, even feel how tense he was. But god, those fucking muscles felt amazing, I just wanted to run my hands up and down them. He shrugged me off and pulled his arm back, away from my grasp.

“Or what,” he answered and then he walked away. This time I didn’t stop him because I knew that he wasn’t… He wouldn’t listen to me. He just needed some time and then I could talk to him. Hopefully.


	7. Spanish Lessons

**Chapter Seven**

How do you talk to someone who leaves the room every time you enter it? It’s not like I could handcuff Monty to a chair and force him to listen to me, he’d probably flee the room with the chair still attached.

I think maybe he was trying to punish me, or I was just looking too into it and he didn’t actually give a shit about me anymore. He got bored and that’s it, he’s gonna find some other guy to tease and who’s hair he’s going to run his fingers through.

It’s been almost a week since I tried talking to him outside the bathroom. I haven’t really spoken to him since, I’ve tried asking him questions about homework or asking him to pass me the juice at breakfast and he ignored me and let someone else do it. I wasn’t going to beg for his attention though, I’ve had enough of his games. 

I said that I wished Justin wouldn’t go out so much and it was going great. Except that then he was in our room 24/7 and I got no privacy whatsoever. I hadn’t jerked off in like a week. 

Justin seemed to be doing fine, since Zach and I went out with him he said that he was just going to focus on himself for now. 

Speaking of Zach, we handed in our assignment the day before and we got the highest score in the class. Monty muttered something about us trying too hard but that’s okay, he was just jealous. 

I think… Zach and I could be friends if it wasn’t for the fact that he was still friends with those idiots from the football team.

We were getting our Spanish test results back and I could only hear Monty bragging about how he didn’t even have to study. Of course, he got full marks.

“Mr Williams...” the teacher said as she walked over to my desk. Tyler glanced my way, he got over seventy percent and he wasn’t happy with his score. Then the teacher just shook her head and she placed my test face down on the desk. I knew what that meant. 

I didn’t even look, I just slid it off the table, folded it in half and shoved it into my backpack. I already knew that my parents were going to be having a talk with me.

“I’m sure you did fine,” Tyler told me as we were packing up our stuff.

“Mhm,” I said but I think even he believed it less than me. I took one look at him. He didn’t really have any visible marks after his fight with Monty. There was a lot of blood but Monty hadn’t really bruised anything.

I zipped my bag up and then I felt someone walking up behind me, I knew who it was because I was used to him and his perfume.

“Did you do okay?” Zach asked me referring to the test and I just kind of shrugged. “Oh.” Trust me to keep embarrassing myself in front of the hot guys. Why couldn’t I embarrass myself when I was around Alex instead?

Zach walked out of the classroom with me and Tyler which was really unexpected. He was like a giant, twice my size and I’m going to be honest, I loved having him stand next to me. 

He swung his hands when he walked and every time he did, his hand would brush past my hip and I got the weird feeling in my stomach. I had to move away though, I didn’t want to get hard in the middle of the hallway.

“Who even needs Spanish?” I said to try to make a joke out of the situation but I knew that my dad was going to be pissed. First, he’d make a big deal out of me getting a bad grade and then he’d tell me not to worry because I could just work at his family company anyway. As if I actually wanted to work there.

“I’d offer to help but I’m only just scraping by myself,” Zach said once Tyler turned the corner to go to his class. It was just me and Zach. He looked down whenever he spoke to me and I had to look up. I wondered what it would have been like to get picked up by him.

“I could ask Monty though,” Zach said pulling me out of my daydream. Monty? I raised an eyebrow confused on what Zach was talking about. “He brags about his perfect scores all the time, I’m sure he’d love to help.” Were we talking about the same Monty?

“Er, it’s fine. I wouldn’t want to bother him,” I said and I was still kind of hoping that Zach would offer to help instead. I liked Zach, he was nice to have around. He didn’t get the hint though.

“Oh, you know our Monty, he loves to help out,” Zach said with an edge to his voice and I was sure that something was going on between them two, I just didn’t know what. 

He patted me on the shoulder and he left and I didn’t even know what to do. I didn’t want Monty to think that this was my idea, another desperate attempt to get his attention again. I hoped that he’d just ignore me like always.

***

I didn’t think that Zach had told Monty yet, he was acting pretty normal at dinner. He joked around with Charlie as always, he ‘accidentally’ spilled a glass of orange juice on Charlie’s crotch and then teased him about it for the rest of lunch.

I finished my food at the same time as Justin and I offered to carry his plate back into the kitchen. So while Justin went out (he said he had a study date with someone), I was washing my hands in the sink. They weren’t dirty but I always liked to wash them after dinner just in case. I was so absorbed in rinsing my hands that I hadn’t even noticed that Monty entered the room.

He was carrying a bunch of plates and forks and he put them into the sink. “You staying to help out?” he asked and his hand brushed past my lower back as he moved to the side. I wondered what made him change his mind and start talking to me again.

I was about to say no when Monty moved so that he was standing behind him and he leaned over my shoulder for the washing up liquid. The thing about being a virgin, always being horny and not even having time to jerk off, was that you got hard pretty easily. Especially when a hot guy was pressing you against the sink, one hand on your hip and no space at all between your ass and his crotch.

We’ve been in a similar position before and I got hard then. I could already feel my cock starting to take interest in what was going on so I quickly moved to the side and took a step back away from Monty.

“I, uh, I actually have some homework I need to get to,” I said and I didn’t look him in the eye. I wanted his attention all week and only now was he starting to pay attention to me, it really pissed me off. 

I tried to get out of there but Monty stepped to the side. “Spanish?” he asked and he raised an eyebrow at me. So Zach did tell him. He had this weird expression on his face like he was trying to work out why I wanted to leave. I’d remind him about his fight with Tyler but it was too soon and I could tell that he didn’t like talking about it.

“Amongst other things,” I said and I shifted from foot to foot. Was he gonna offer to help or make fun of my test score?

He nodded slowly. “Right. You still want my help with that or what?” Why was he acting so nice? It was honestly frightening especially because it just came out of nowhere. What was he up to?

I shrugged and Monty looked back at the sink full of dirty dishes. So what was he gonna do now? I couldn’t decide whether I liked seeing Monty like this or not, I liked it when he was sure of himself and he knew what to do but he looked so uncertain. 

Then he cleared his throat and all of that changed. He stood straighter and he looked me up and down. “Alright. I’ll come to your room when I’m done,” he said and my heart skipped a beat. I imagined this in another reality, Monty and me being fuck buddies, agreeing to sneak around and him telling me that he’ll see me in my room. I liked the sound of that. Didn’t mean we’d have to be friends or anything more than that.

“Yeah?” Monty asked for confirmation and I quickly nodded feeling like an idiot for not responding straight away. He let me pass then and I skipped up the stairs. He said he was gonna help me with homework, right? And I was there acting like he had agreed to fuck me.

I like to think of this one day as the first step we took to becoming fuck buddies. 

I had everything ready, my papers and notebook on the bed along with my pencil case. I told myself that I wasn’t going to do anything unless Monty made the first move.

Monty teaching me Spanish? There had to be something about it that turned him on too. Or maybe it was just me thinking with my dick again.

I texted Justin, told him that I had a ‘study date’ too and if he could try to avoid crashing it. He responded with a thumbs up so I took that to mean yes.

It took Monty almost half an hour to wash those damn dishes and when I finally heard the soft knock on the door, everything was so heightened that I almost jumped out of my skin at the sound. Monty never knocked but there he was, asking for permission to come in. 

“Hey,” I said when he walked inside. He looked around the room and at the bed where I had set everything out.

I tried not to read too much into the fact that he locked the door behind him or the fact that when he walked closer, I could smell my cologne on him. I wasn’t even going to call him out on it.

“Did you not.. Bring anything?” I asked him when he hesitated and then he sat down on my bed. He sat opposite me and he stretched out his legs but his back was touching the headboard. 

“Wait,” he said and then he patted his pockets. He pulled out a red pen and he grinned at me. “I’m gonna be the teacher today,” he said and he cracked his neck and looked around my bed. “So where’s the test then?”

I reluctantly handed the piece of paper to him and he laughed when he saw the score. “Jeez, how stupid are you?” he asked and I felt my cheeks redden. Just because I was bad at Spanish didn’t mean that I was stupid.

“Fuck you,” I said and I snatched the paper out of his hand. It kind of got crumbled in the process but it’s not like it mattered. Monty just rolled his eyes at me and sighed. 

“How long is this gonna take?” Monty asked and his eyes searched my face. So he was back to being intimidating again, great. 

“I need to do this today so… Would you mind staying here until I finish?” The teacher emailed me and said that I needed to get it done before tomorrow and send it to her because I failed the test. I hated Spanish more and more every day.

Monty didn’t seem to mind. “I can’t leave until you finish?” he asked me and I nodded. “Okay, sounds good to me.”

I thought he'd try something but he behaved himself, I asked for help and he explained stuff, corrected my grammar and he sat back and watched as I wrote in my notebook. 

"So where's Foley then?" Monty asked while I was busy trying to concentrate on spelling. 

"Out," I said simply and then I looked up and I saw that Monty was reaching for my laptop. I had forgotten to put it away and so it was still on my pillow. "Monty, don't." 

He grinned and he put his hands on my laptop but didn't make any effort to pick it up. "Why? Have you been watching something dirty? Porn, hmm?" He was teasing me and I knew it and yet I still blushed. It only seemed to entertain him even more and he leaned forward and tried to grab the laptop to annoy me even more. 

There was nothing that weird on it, just school work and photography stuff. But I launched at Monty, pushed all my notebooks and shit aside and I straight up launched at him. 

So there I was, laying on top of him and he didn't move a muscle. For a moment that is. 

Then he realised what kind of position we were in and he pushed me back and pinned my wrist into the mattress. 

“You wanna take care of that?” he asked and I had no idea what he was talking about until he glanced down and then back up to meet my eyes. Fuck, I continued to embarrass myself in front of him. How did I get hard from that? It was all Justin’s fault.

“I-I…” I said not knowing what to do. I wasn’t expecting him to point it out, how do I even respond to that? He loosened his grip around my wrist and he pulled away. His eyes were wide and his voice was quieter when he spoke. Monty looked down again and then raised his eyebrows at me. “Go on.”

Was he really telling me to start jerking off right there and then? It must have been another one of my dreams, the one where we always somehow end up fucking. I stared at him, completely frozen in place and unsure of what to do. We were in the middle of a tutoring session and he just wanted me to… Fuck, what if I had misunderstood what he meant? 

“What…” I was completely lost for words. Monty returned to sitting opposite me and I slowly sat up. “You want me to…?”

“What? Don’t tell me you’ve never jerked off before,” he said and I gulped. Okay, so we were on the same page. I didn’t reply mostly because I was speechless.

“I’ll wait,” he said and then he leaned back and laid on my bed, his head was propped up by my pillows and he had a clear view of me. Was he actually just gonna sit there and watch? I would have preferred him to join in but I wasn’t going to say that out loud. 

I turned away from him, I already knew that my face was tomato red but I wasn’t going to face him while my hand was in my boxers. I unzipped my jeans with a shaky hand but I didn’t pull them down, if Monty wanted me to then he’d have to say it. 

What was I even doing? Jerking off in front of Monty? This wasn't smart at all. 

I was already so hard that it was starting to hurt, yeah Monty’s presence could do that. I didn’t want Monty to see how nervous I was even though I think he could see. I wrapped my hand around my cock but it was dry. What was I supposed to do, ask Monty to pass me the lotion? I don’t think so.

I had to spit in my hand and I managed to steal one glance at Monty. His lips were pressed in a thin line and his eyebrows slightly raised like he was impressed. I could do that for him too if he asked.

I started off with slow loose strokes, I didn’t usually do this. When I jerked off, I just went at it until I came but I was putting on a show for Monty. If he wanted to watch then I was gonna make sure it was worth watching. 

I sped up and I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. I didn’t want to make too much noise too soon so I had to bite into my bottom lip when I moved my thumb over the head. I opened my eyes and Monty was still staring. He tried to seem all cool about it but he moved his leg so that I couldn’t see his crotch, I bet he was trying to hide an erection. 

Then I blushed even harder at the thought that he got turned on by watching me pleasure myself. He said he was straight but he couldn't get hard for girls. He was still pretending that he wasn’t turned on by this though.

A few more fast strokes and my cock twitched in my hand. I breathlessly moaned Monty’s name because surely that was going to get a reaction out of him. It did, it fucking did and I grinned to myself.

He closed his eyes and he swore under his breath like it was too much for him. If only he knew how I felt. My skin was burning hot, my hand all wet and sticky with spit and precome and I was this close to the edge and yet I was trying so hard to hold on just for him. 

He slowly opened his eyes again and he was pressing his teeth so hard into his bottom lip that I was surprised he wasn’t bleeding yet. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him and I wasn’t even embarrassed. If he enjoyed watching me then why shouldn’t I enjoy watching him? 

I looked down at his crotch but he was still covering himself with his leg pretty well. He was in a daze, his eyes wide and his lips parted slightly like he couldn’t even believe what he was seeing. I had never seen him look that vulnerable before.

I let out a soft whimper and Monty’s hand flew to the zipper of his jeans. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from breaking out in a grin. But he didn’t move any more, his hand stayed where it was and not a single out of his muscles moved. How could he do that? How could he have enough self-restraint to not jerk off but not enough to stop himself from beating someone up?

My hand was moving so fast then that my hips jerked forward slightly and I knew that I was close to losing it. But it was Monty who was in control, he liked to be in charge and I wanted to use that to my advantage.

“Fuck, can I come?” I asked him and he didn’t even hesitate to nod. It was a shaky, desperate nod like he wasn’t even sure what he was doing giving me permission to come.

All it took was one slight twist of the wrist and I spilled all over my hand and into my boxers. My other hand clutched at my bed sheets for something to hold onto, something to ground me back to reality. 

I couldn’t see Monty, my head was hung low and I was trying to catch my breath but I could feel the mattress move. I turned my head and he was standing at the side of the bed then. I looked up at him but he was looking down, he picked up his red pen and stuffed it into his pocket. Then I saw.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He was so hard and so… Fuck, how was that thing ever gonna fit inside of me? I couldn’t look away until Monty turned away from the bed and started walking to the door.

“What are you doing?” I asked him breathlessly and he stopped by the door. He didn’t look as dazed now, he snapped out of it. 

“Leaving,” he said with a shrug. So he was just gonna leave me there? Okay, at least I wouldn’t have to clean myself up in front of him. But still, I was worried about what would happen next. We couldn't just pretend that this never happened. I blinked a few times and Monty rolled his eyes and looked away. “You finished, didn’t you?”

I blushed. Oh fuck. How could he be so hot and so… I should have trusted my gut, he wasn’t planning to actually help me and he had something else in mind when he offered to help. At least he helped me finish.

He took hold of the door handle and then he looked back at me again. I was unsure of what he was going to do now, he was probably going to say something to make me blush again. Not that I stopped blushing since the time before or anything.

He smiled at me and cocked his head to the side. “It’s nice to know you’ll do as I say,” he said and he winked. The fucker fucking winked at me and he walked out.

***

It took every muscle in my body to not tell Justin every single detail the second he came back. He didn't say a word about his study date either. Even when we got dressed for school, he just focused on his shirt and tie. It was weird to not have him engage me in conversation.

For once I wouldn't mind him asking about my life, I needed advice. I didn't know what to do, would Monty just pretend that it never happened? How does it work now? 

I would text one of my friends from Hillcrest, Scott, but he'd probably say that this wasn't good for me and I needed to stop it before it went any further. I  _ wanted _ this to go further. 

I got toothpaste on my blazer when I was washing my teeth and I cursed under my breath. Of course, no day could go smoothly for me. I practically ran downstairs and to the living room to see if Mrs Jensen had washed my other blazer yet but there was no clean washing there. I couldn't go to school with a stained blazer. 

I stood by the kitchen sink and I rubbed water into the stain. It was… kind of working? 

"Hey." Monty entered the kitchen and he wasn't even dressed for school yet. I knew that he liked to go downstairs before breakfast started just to pick up any snacks before anyone else could get them. 

So he was speaking to me. I glanced back at him and he seemed fine. His hair was all over the place and I really wanted to just sort it out for him. Actually no, it looked fine all messy. 

"Hey," I said and he stood behind me and opened the cupboard close to my head. 

"Watch your head," he said and I ducked to let him look through the stuff. He took out a bar of chocolate and then closed the cupboard again. 

I wanted to talk to him but I had no idea how to start. Then he looked over my shoulder. 

"What have you done to your blazer?" he asked and he gently took it out of my hands. He could be gentle, he could be rough, but I liked both sides equally.

I let him look over the wet patch and he raised his eyebrows at me. "You're such an idiot sometimes," he said and then he threw the blazer over my shoulder. "Just wear it, no one will even notice."

"But-"

"Stop being such a drama queen," he scolded me and he rolled his eyes. He started walking away then. 

"Monty, wait!" I called after him and he stopped abruptly and turned around. 

"What now?" he groaned. I think I should have been the one asking that question. What happens between us now? 

Monty cleared his throat and waited for an answer. I didn't say anything, kept my lips set in a thin line and then Monty took a step towards me and looked around to check if we were alone. 

"If you ever… need help with Spanish homework again?" he said quietly and he raised his eyebrows. "I'd be happy to… help." Was he saying what I thought he was? Judging by his facial expression, yes he was. 

I swallowed and I took one step closer to him too. "And if you ever need help washing the dishes... "

"Got it," he said and I could see a smile tugging at his lips. Was this really happening? I think it was because he reached forward and touched the side of my neck. I thought he was going to kiss me and my heart thudded in my chest. But he wasn't like that, he just rubbed his finger across a sensitive part of my neck and my whole body went limp. 

"Get it together Williams," he said but instead of his voice being harsh as always, it was soft and it only made my heart beat faster. I sighed softly and his hand left my neck. I didn't even know what to say to him. 

"I can't," I said breathlessly and I tried to ignore the way he made me feel. He made me feel  _ good _ . 

He laughed at me. "What? Are you gonna get hard from me just touching you?" Would it be so bad if I admitted it? But I wasn't hard, not fully anyway. 

"I gotta... get ready for school," I said quickly and I had to walk past him. He wouldn't stop grinning and I didn't mind. I really didn't mind it. 

He was bad, very bad for me and I didn't care. 


	8. The Beginning of The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beginning

**Chapter Eight**

Waiting for some type of... indication from Monty was torture. He’d tease me, you know, walk up behind me and reach over for something and it was  _ torture  _ when he’d touch me lightly and then pull away. 

He knew what he’s doing, he’s not stupid. But I still kept staring at him like a lost puppy, practically  _ begging _ him to fuck me. And then the opportunity came along. 

"So… explain to me what's going on." I was sitting on my bed, watching Netflix while Justin (as well as everyone else in the house) got dressed up for some reason. I didn't understand what the big deal was and why everyone was acting so giddy but Justin always filled me in. 

"Some concert," Justin said and when I asked what concert he shrugged. "Don't know man, it's just a concert. It's fun though, right? Music, people, dancing and staying out all night. There's lots of cute girls - or guys- around. You should come." Everyone else was going and I wanted to feel like I was part of things but going to this big event in this new city just gave me a lot of anxiety. I was already thinking the worst like getting lost or getting kidnapped or hooking up with some guy and then getting beaten up. Nah, I'll pass. 

"I would but I've… I've got some stuff to do still," I lied to him. I didn't have any homework left, I kept myself busy by doing school work because it was something that took my mind off of Monty and how annoying he was. 

Justin raised an eyebrow not believing a word I was saying. "Suit yourself," he said and he threw his jacket on and left after shouting something about not staying up too late. 

It looked like everyone was leaving so I was looking forward to having the whole evening to myself. Mrs Jensen was around but she stayed downstairs in her room unless someone needed her so I kind of had the house to myself. It was weirdly exciting.

I stayed in my room for about half an hour and it was awfully quiet. I went to the bathroom after a while. I was washing my hands when the door opened. It was Monty.

He walked past me, briefly touching my hip as he did and then he stopped next to me by the sink. I rinsed my hands and then I reached for the towel as Monty stared at himself in the mirror. If I looked like that I'd stare at myself in the mirror too.

"I thought everyone went out," I said and I cleared my throat. Monty's face was close to mine, his hip was almost touching mine and I wanted to get closer to him but I didn't want to seem desperate.

"I'm grounded. Remember?" Monty said, raising his eyebrows at me. I had completely forgotten about that, he still had like a week or two left of his punishment for something that his friends did. He didn’t ask why I didn’t go to the concert, he just stared at himself in the mirror like he was waiting for something.

There was no one else here but us, I was sure he wouldn’t mind hanging out with me. “Do you, erm…” I say and he slowly turned his head and looked at me, making me blush. We both knew about the deal we made but neither of us mentioned it since. “Do you wanna hang out?” I asked and Monty titled his head to the side.

‘Hang out’. He knew what I meant and I knew what I meant but he acted clueless. “Sure. What would we do?” he asked me with a grin.

“Erm. We could watch a movie?” I suggested out of panic and Monty grinned wider and looked away.

“Right. Let’s watch a movie then,” he said and then he walked past me and ruffled my hair. “I’ll see you in your room.” My room. He was gonna be in my room again. Whatever. No big deal.

But did Monty really want to watch a movie or was he going to get straight to the point? Would he want to fuck or would I just blow him and he’d go? So many questions.

***

I never imagined I’d be having my first time tied to a bed. Monty wasn’t happy with me.

“You started without me?” he asked and he shook his head. “You shouldn’t have.” The tone of his voice made me shiver and I waited while he made sure that my hands were tied securely with my scarf so I couldn't slip them out. 

He walked in and caught me jerking off, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t come in my pants the second he touched me so I was kind of doing it for him but he wanted to do everything himself, wanted to be in control.

Monty pinned my hands above my head and then he grinned to himself. “That should work,” he said and then he got off the bed and left me lying fully clothed. 

I couldn’t believe how much control I gave to Monty, he stood at the side and he just watched me with his head tilted to the side. “Monty…” I said and I tried to struggle my hands out of the scarf. 

“It’s okay,” he shushed me and then he put his hand on my lower stomach. I was still fully dressed but I could feel how warm his hand was so I relaxed. His touch wasn’t just comforting, I was still hard because Monty walked in before I could finish and my dick twitched at his touch.

Monty took his shirt off and threw it on the floor before getting on the bed again. He hovered above me with his knees resting on either side of my legs. “Do you trust me?” he asked and I almost laughed.

“Not one bit.” Okay, I trusted him a little. I knew that he wasn’t all bad and I trusted him enough to let him do this to me but I didn’t  _ really _ trust him. 

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Well can you trust me just for now? You can stop trusting me when this is over,” he said and it was just his way of telling me that I was safe with him in this room. I gave him a shaky nod and he pushed my hair away from my forehead. “Good. Now relax a little,” he said and he smiled at me. I didn’t know he was capable of genuine smiling but it kind of helped. I knew that this wasn’t Monty the Bully I was dealing with.

Of course I didn’t tell Monty that this was my first time, I didn’t want to and he didn’t ask so I wasn’t exactly lying to him. I didn’t ask him if he knew what he was doing either but I doubt he had sex with guys before.

He acted like we had all the time in the world as he slowly unzipped his pants and got undressed down to his boxers. Then he leaned down and stopped when our lips were just centimetres apart. I had to focus on his face and his eyes and he had the most beautiful eyes. I always found brown boring but I think it’s my favourite colour now.

Here he was, just trying to fuck and I was studying him. I needed to get a grip but it was hard when Monty placed his hand on my heart and it stayed there for a moment.

I knew that my heart was thudding, I was excited and terrified at the same time but I didn’t want Monty to know that, I felt like he’d make fun of me but he didn’t. “Cute,” he said and he pressed his lips to mine for a brief second before pulling back. That was the first time he kissed me and it only lasted less than a second but it was making my heart race.

So he didn’t think it was weird of me to be nervous, I needed to stop thinking of ways this could go wrong. I should have trusted that Monty would keep me safe.

He slowly pulled my boxers down and I blushed and got nervous all over again because he was staring and there was nothing I could do about it. 

He didn’t touch me. Even though I wanted him to, he took a long look at my dick and then looked away guiltily. I wasn’t going to complain about that, I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable but I had to think of something to keep him going.

I knew how much he loved my neck for some reason so I tilted my head back, exposing the unmarked skin all for him to have his fun on. He grinned mischievously and then his lips were on my neck, gently kissing at first making my heart flutter and my cheeks redden. But then he got rougher, he sucked and he bit and he licked everywhere, making me moan his name. I didn’t want him to stop but I knew I couldn’t have my neck all purple and bruised or someone would say something.

If my hands hadn’t been tied, I would have simply pushed his head away, tried to distract him so he’d focus on something else. But I didn’t have my hands and I had to make do with what I had.

I thrust my hips upwards and started moving them in a circular motion having my cock grind against Monty’s crotch. He breathed in sharply and quickly pulled away. He looked stricken at the sudden action like he's never felt something like it before. That's because he kept on forcing himself to have sex with girls when all he needed was one guy to show him how it's done properly.

He reached out to trace the bruises on my neck with his thumb and he stroked over them gently. I closed my eyes to feel as much of his touch as possible and I was surprised at how he could go from rough to gentle in a few seconds. 

It was just my neck he was focusing on until I felt something brush past the head of my cock and my eyes snapped open. He was rubbing the palm of his head over the head in slow circular motions while he stroked my neck with his thumb. He didn't look at me, his face was buried in my neck like he was too ashamed to look up and I hated that. I didn't want to be getting pleasure out of this if he wasn't comfortable doing it. 

"Monty you don't have to-" I started only to be shut up by a rough stroke all the way up and down my length. I clenched my jaw and exhaled sharply through my nose at the action and Monty kept going only slower. 

I wanted to kiss him but I didn't know how to ask, didn't want to weird him out but he was the one who was in control and deciding what was going to happen. I may have been whimpering and moving relentlessly at which Monty decided to shut me up with his mouth. 

"You're gonna have to be quiet," he said and he kissed my lips leaving them swollen. Good thing everyone was out so no one could hear me.

While one of his hands jerked me off, the other one squeezed my inner thigh and then Monty gently scratched up and down my inner thigh making me whole body tense up and my hips buckle. 

"M-Monty I can't… I can't do it. I'm gonna c-come," I whimpered helplessly. It wasn’t that great being a virgin and already getting so worked up. I had gotten handjobs before but this was way more intense, I felt like I was slowly being undone by Monty.

He pulled away, kept his eyes on my swollen lips like he was appreciating what he had done to me. The pressure in my lower stomach was becoming unbearable. I knew I was going to come sooner or later but I didn't know if that was what Monty wanted or if he had other plans. I wouldn't put it past him if he didn't even care if I got to finish and only cared about himself. 

"Then come," Monty said simply still keeping his eyes fixated on my lips. I couldn't do it, I couldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he made me come just from a few minutes of jerking off. I couldn't do that to  _ myself. _

So I bit my lip and I moved my hands around to make my wrists hurt, that way I could focus on the pain up there instead of down here. Monty didn't like that, he frowned and shook his head at me and I knew that I messed up. 

He circled his thumb around the head of my dick and then he other hand went to my right nipple where he pinched and rubbed in between his thumb and forefinger. I was already this close to losing my mind and then Monty decided to be extra. 

He rolled his hips, slowly thrusting against my inner thigh in the process and I shivered every time his cock made contact with my upper thigh where I really felt like I needed him.

"You gonna come?" Monty taunted me and I moaned in response completely lost in his hands and touch. He went to my other nipple and I panted and panted feeling completely helpless because I knew I couldn't do it anymore.

I came all over my stomach, my whole body shaking and shuddering until the last drop was covering my stomach. My vision blacked out, I didn't feel like anything, I felt like I didn't have an ounce of energy left in my body but my hips continued to grind against Monty to ride it all out. 

He didn't even give me the chance to come down before I was feeling a finger prod at my ass. I tried to move away from his touch still feeling sensitive from the first time but Monty held me down by my hip and made it impossible for me to move. He lubricated two fingers with his own spit and my heart was pounding as he took the soaking wet fingers out of his mouth and then circled them around my rim.

I sobbed out his name when he pushed one finger inside, moving it around and pushing it in as far as it'll go. It burned. I tensed up around him and he pulled the finger back so I could breathe and try to ignore how my oversensitive cock was already getting hard again. I didn't think I could come any time soon after that, it was going to break me if I did. 

"There's lube in my drawer," I said. I didn’t mean anything by it, I just thought lube might be better than spit especially as it was only my first time. Monty seemed concerned though, back to being gentle. 

He stood over me with the lube in his right hand and he caressed my cheek with his hand. "You gotta tell me if I do something wrong," he said and it was the bare fucking minimum and yet my heart still skipped a beat because he was showing his softer side, like he might actually care about me if I gave him time. 

I nodded shakily and then he began to lubricate his fingers. He was back on top of me, pressing his body to mine and my cock only grew harder at the contact. If my hands weren't tied up I would have offered to turn around to make it easier for him but he wasn't gonna untie me, he liked being in control. 

One finger went in okay, it still kind of burnt but I was starting to get used to it and enjoy it especially when Monty was gently kissing the skin of my jaw to distract me. I never would have thought he'd be the gentle type. Or maybe he saw how nervous I was and that's what made him change his attitude.

The next finger didn't go in as easily, I squirmed and I whimpered as Monty did his best to stretch me out, adding more lube at appropriate times when I told him to. 

I was already just thinking about getting fucked, the fingering was such a waste of time and it was just making me more nervous. Monty managed to stretch me out with three fingers while rocking his hips and rubbing his erection on my thigh. I thought about offering to suck him off but if he wanted it then he would have said so. 

"Monty. Monty, God," I say helplessly when the three fingers were stretching me and then he briefly brushed over my prostate. It hurt from the sensitivity of before but not as much and I still wanted more. 

He looked up at me and grinned playfully like he knew exactly what I wanted. He took the fingers away leaving me wanting for, searching for something to fill me up again but there was nothing. 

I didn't have to give him the condom talk, fortunately, he grabbed the condom without hesitating and put it on which is when I took my time to take in the size and length of his cock. I already knew how big it was more or less but could I take a fucking from him?

After having prepared himself and taking his time while he was at it, he moved down the bed, lifted my legs and then he placed them over his shoulders. 

"Is this okay?" he asked and I nodded eagerly just waiting to feel him inside me while he was only rubbing at the entrance. He shifted around more to get comfortable and teasing me in the process before he grabbed onto the base and positioned himself to have his cock where my hole was. 

I breathed in through my nose, my hands clenched and tried to grab onto the scarf and then he pushed in. It took me a second, a very long second to be able to breathe again. I felt like someone was splitting me open but in a good way. 

Monty's face was scrunched up, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip like he was trying his best not to make a sound. I knew that he was still unsure of what to do and he was waiting for me to tell him that it was okay again. 

"You can… m-move," I said quietly and Monty pulled out halfway before thrusting back in again. It burned but Monty pulled out and went in again before I could even think about it hurting. 

He started off with slow thrusts, just to make sure I was okay and as soon as I threw my head back and moaned, he picked up the pace. He was like a robot or something, going from zero to a hundred. It probably took him some time to come when he was fucking girls which is why he was able to thrust so fast and hard, he was trying his best to finish. 

I needed to stop analysing him while he was inside of me, fucking into me relentlessly and grunting every time our bodies collided. It got good when he finally hit my prostate and I moaned loudly, he froze like he was trying to understand what he did. Then his hand covered my mouth completely and he went back to thrusting going rough and hard and hitting the prostate almost every time now that he found it. 

My eyes rolled to the back of my head but Monty had one free hand left and he decided to put it to use. He wrapped it around my erection again and he started jerking me off going at the same speed as his hips. "Too much," I whimpered but I don't tell him to stop. The pressure in my stomach built up again, the electricity going up my spine felt like it was about to make me float all the way up to heaven. 

The jerking off paired with the fucking was obviously too much and even Monty's hand couldn't shut me up. Tears rolled down my face at the overstimulation of it all and I couldn't hold back, I came again with a muffled scream.

Monty groaned and panted as he went in and out, in and out, determined to finish. He probably didn't mean to but he kept on fucking my prostate and I had just come, it was too  _ too _ much. I couldn't stop myself from sobbing as pleasure cruised through my tired body and I felt like I was going to die from Monty fucking me. That would have been a funny one to explain. 

Monty doesn't really make much noise, he just grabbed onto my hair, pulled hard and then he came with a choked off grunt. His entire face was glowing with his eyes squeezed shut and his lips parted as he slowly rode out his orgasm, grinding his hips into me. It was all worth it to see him like this. 

It wasn't until he pulled out that I realised that I had just lost my virginity to him, to this guy who probably didn't give a shit about me. But my brain was mush, all I could think about was how good it felt. 

I thought it was over as Monty set my legs down and rolled his shoulders back. He was glistening with sweat with it running down his torso in droplets and I found myself getting hard again. No, I couldn't come again.

But Monty saw my cock twitching on my stomach, all covered in my own sperm. He ran his finger down the side, collecting a fair amount of my semen and then he rubbed it over my bottom lip. My face flushed completely and he watched me. He looked curious, not like all the other closeted guys I met. They wanted to come and be gone as fast as they could be but Monty was getting interested, wondering what else he could do. 

I licked my lips clean and he slowly looked up to meet my eyes. He leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to my lips. It felt like the right way to end it except Monty wasn't done. 

I was too focused on kissing him, trying to salvage the soft side of him for as long as I could when I felt two wet fingers going inside me again. I was stretched out from the fucking and Monty easily slipped two fingers inside with his thumb massaging the rim. 

"Monty, no," I said firmly. I might have been getting hard but it's nothing a cold shower couldn't fix. "I can't do it, I can't come again." I already felt dead and tired and so so  _ so  _ fucking sleepy that I didn't even want to know what I'd feel like after another round. 

“Just one more," Monty said sweetly and then he kissed my temple. I was all sweaty and my hair was damp with sweat but Monty was gently kissing my face. "One more time, for me." I thought about it and I thought that I might as well make my first time memorable. I nodded shakily and then Monty's lips were back on mine while his fingers worked inside me. 

I knew it was gonna be too much and it doesn't take long until I was sobbing again with tears falling down like a flood and my cock not caring and going fully hard. I just wanted to come and rest and Monty was taking his precious time making me feel every little thing. I moved my hips to fuck myself on his fingers and then my body jerked forward and I came again. Not as violently as the two times before that but it was still an orgasm and an intense one. 

I took in nothing that was happening around me until a few minutes pass and I realise that Monty was holding me down, holding me in his arms and shushing me while stroking my hair. This was the side of him that I wanted only to myself and I wanted to see it more often so I stayed where I was, wiped away the tears but I continued to breathe shakily.

Monty untied my hands, threw the used condom away and then it looked like he was contemplating leaving but I needed him here with me. I held one arm out weakly and he rolled his eyes but came to lie with me nevertheless. 

"How are you feeling?" he asked while running his fingers through my damp hair. 

I smiled. "Amazing," I said and he chuckled to himself. "Really fucking amazing."

His body was warm and strong and he was holding me in a way that made me feel safe and secure even if I didn't trust him yet. I closed my eyes and moved closer to him trying to snuggle into his neck to fall asleep quicker. I thought maybe if I fell asleep with him then he wouldn't leave, he'd stay with me and realise that it's not that bad to be close with a guy. But one fuck wasn’t enough to change his attitude,

"Don't do that gay shit," Monty muttered when I tried to cuddle with him and then he moved away. I stared at him because I knew that he wasn’t kidding, he actually meant it. But he had just made me lose my shit and come three times and now he was telling me not to do 'gay shit'. 

‘Don't do…  _ that _ ," he explained further gesturing to the little distance between us. "Feelings and shit. I'm not into guys." he ended and then he turned away from me. 

"I'm not saying you are," I said softly. I wasn't going to force him to see that he had just fucked me and enjoyed it. I knew what he was feeling, he looked scared, lost and confused like he didn't even know himself and I knew how to deal with boys like Monty. 

He grunted and I tried to brush some damp hair away from his forehead but he grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away. "Don't do that either," he ordered and then he let go of my wrist. He looked around the room and then at the clock. It was only nearing up to ten in the evening and he bit his bottom lip. "Can I… stay here until they’re back?"

I nodded because I wanted him to stay with me, I wanted to get to know  _ this _ Monty and not the asshole one. I gave him some privacy and then I went to the bathroom to clean myself up only wearing my bathrobe

I was smiling and getting excited at the thought of Monty sleeping next to me, thinking about his chest rising up and down as I rested my head on it and how he'd smile at me sleepily when he woke up the next morning. That is if Justin stayed out all night.

But when I came out of the bathroom, the bed was empty and Monty was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i didnt update for so long, i was focusing on my other fics  
> now im gonna be away for a week again so sorry about that but ill try to update again soon  
> thank you for reading :)


	9. Meeting in the Dark

**Chapter Nine**

Monty avoided me for the rest of the day and I desperately wanted to see him and talk to him but I didn't want to seem pushy or clingy. Monty didn't look like someone who liked clingy. 

"Morning," I said the next morning when I walked into the kitchen and Monty was by the fridge, searching for something to eat. I didn’t think much of it, I just said it automatically and then I went over to the cupboard to get some cornflakes. 

Monty's body tensed up and he quickly shut the fridge. My hand froze mid-air as I reached up to open the cupboard and then memories of the night before came flooding in. My cheeks flushed scarlet and I hung my head low to hide my face from Monty even if he wasn't facing me. 

We stood where we were, neither of us moving or saying a word. Then Monty cleared his throat and opened the fridge. "Mornin'," he said and then a few seconds later, while I was pouring the cornflakes into my bowl, the fridge shut again. 

I tried my best to ignore him and focus on what I was doing but my hand was already shaking lightly and my breathing got heavy because I was in the same room as him. I had forgotten about what happened for just a moment and then it was back and I was terrified because I also remembered that he left me there even though he said he was going to stay.

He walked up behind me and placed each hand on either side of the counter trapping me between his body and the counter completely. I had no space to turn around or move so again, it was Monty who was in control of the situation. He tried his best to seem in control but his shallow breathing gave him away. He wasn't as sure of himself as he was a couple of days before.

He reached over my shoulder, pressing his chest to my back and his crotch to my ass. I was thinking back to how he fucked me the night before, how gentle he was and even though I appreciated it, I wouldn't have minded it if he decided he wanted to switch to being... like this.

"Monty..." I said quietly when he exhaled and his breath washed over my neck making me shiver. He acted innocent, like he didn't even hear me and he reached for the bottle of honey. "I could lick that off you," I suggested and then I pressed my lips tightly together. I had no idea why I said it, I wasn't even sure if I had said it, the words were just out of my mouth before I could stop them and Monty froze. 

"Yeah, you'd love that wouldn't you?" Monty said and he chuckled to himself. He was still doing this thing like he was pretending that I was the only one who was getting turned on by this because to admit that he got turned on by it too would mean admitting that he felt attracted to guys and that wasn't an option in Monty's head. 

He moved away from me but I had some more of that spontaneous confidence left in me. I quickly turned around and I leaned back against the counter. "So when are you free again?" I asked and Monty turned his head, raised one eyebrow and then grinned to himself. 

"Last night wasn't enough for you?" he asked and I blushed from head to toe. He took two steps towards me and then looked around to make sure that we were alone. 

He made me come three times and I've used toys before but that was nothing compared to the real thing. I just knew I needed him again and again and again. This wasn't a friendship or a relationship, I could still hate him even if I wanted him to fuck me.

"Answer the question Winn," Monty said and he titled my head up by my chin, forcing me to look him in the eye. He was staring at me with those intense brown eyes again, staring straight into my soul. I swallowed hard and I exhaled through my nose. 

"I... " I started and then I didn't know how to answer the rest. He left me completely wrecked in my bed the night before but I wanted him to do it again. I wanted him to do more actually. 

"Did I not fuck you good enough last night?" he asked and I thought back to how gentle he was with me and I needed more. Monty's eyebrows went up when I shook my head and then he sighed. "That's no good, is it?" he said pretending to be disappointed and then he put his hand on the side of my neck and stroked a bite mark he made before with his thumb. "I guess I'll have to make it up to you."

It was already bad enough having to wake up half an hour early to cover up the bruises on my neck with concealer and Monty was already thinking about making more. 

His eyes were fixated on the purplish marks and I leaned forward a little hoping that he'd kiss me. I hated that he only kissed me during sex, I wanted to kiss him like a normal person except he moved away immediately and then walked out of the kitchen with the ice cream and honey he took for himself. So he had a sweet tooth. Honestly, I knew that he was bad news but there were so many things I found cute about him and I didn't like that because I could not be falling for Monty. 

Justin was still asleep when I went back into my room. He had glitter all over his face and in his hair and it got all over the floor and his bed, I knew that we'd never get rid of it but at least it looked like he had a good night. 

I ate my cornflakes at my desk and I went back downstairs to put the bowl in the sink. By the time I came back, Justin was sitting up in bed with his phone in his hands. 

"Hey," I said nervously and I headed straight for my bed. I was worried that Justin would somehow be able to tell, he'd ask questions and Monty's name would come up and then Monty would hate me forever for telling Justin. It was best to keep my mouth shut. 

"Hey," Justin said hoarsely and then he sighed. He was looking at videos and pictures from the concert and smiling to himself. 

"So last night was good?" I asked him and he nodded. 

"More than good," he answered with a small chuckle and then he raised one eyebrow at me. "How was your night?"

I put my hands in my pockets and I shrugged. "Fine. Just watched some Netflix and went to bed," I lied but Justin didn't suspect a thing. Monty was going to have to be my secret even if I wanted to tell Justin every single detail.

It was easier to keep it to myself when Justin finally got out of bed and left me alone in my room. I knew that it was going to be difficult to find time to see Monty and speak to him alone because there were people  _ everywhere _ and Monty always acted differently when there was someone else around. 

I felt like I was suffocating with all those thoughts of Monty, I just needed a little break to think about something else and to clear my head. I got dressed in light blue jeans and a dark green sweater because it was cold outside, it was almost December.

No-one stopped me or asked any questions and I was still getting used to how we could just go in and out of the house as long as we signed out so Mrs Jensen knew where we were.

Yeah, where was I? I walked down the path away from the house and in the direction of the other houses, I hadn’t been there before but I saw some people from school and they ignored me so I ignored them. Didn’t wanna look weird by waving or doing something stupid.

It was colder than I expected and my neck was exposed, every time the wind blew it felt like I was getting slapped on the neck. My nose went cold and red just like my fingers and I slowed down, it was stupid to go outside without a coat on. 

“Hey! Winston!” I looked up, still shivering and Alex was walking towards me. He was wearing a coat and a scarf as well as gloves and just for a second I hated him for not being stupid like me. “Did you get lost?” he asked and I looked around only to see that I was nowhere near the houses, I kept on walking just thinking about and regretting every decision I’ve made since birth. I was still trying to work out whether sleeping with Monty was one of them.

Alex was staring at me, looking worried and he threw his scarf around my freezing neck. I thanked him quietly and then I sighed. “I was just going for a walk,” I said and I looked around to see how far I’ve walked. Quite far.

“Oh,” Alex said and then he scratched the side of his side. “I could walk you back home if you like,” he offered and I thought about declining in case one of the football guys saw him and tried something again but I didn’t feel like walking home alone.

“Okay,” I say and Alex walked by my side in silence. He didn’t try to start a conversation so I could continue overthinking like always. Monty was obviously into me in some way, he wouldn’t have had sex with me if he wasn’t. All he needed was a little bit of time to come to terms with what he felt and then… I don’t know. I just hoped I wouldn't catch feelings for him or I’d really hate myself.

Alex stopped then and we weren’t anywhere near the house, I guess he was worried about the football team too. “So, er, see you around,” he said and he gave me a small smile before turning and walking away. It wasn’t until I was inside the house that I realised I still had Alex’s scarf around my neck. I couldn’t be bothered going after him so I decided that I’d have to give it to him later and hopefully he won’t miss it.

***

As suspected, Monty ignored me all day in school and at home because he obviously couldn’t be caught talking to me when his friends were around. He was the most paranoid person I ever met. 

I spent the whole day staring at him and asking Tyler to repeat everything he said because I was too deep in Montyland to pay attention to anything else happening around me. So much so that I got a detention in Maths. Monty was at the front of the class, answering a question by the whiteboard and I was too busy staring at him to notice that the teacher was asking me a question. 

So I was stuck in my maths class, doing a full page of algebra while the teacher sat at the desk, sharpening pencils. Fortunately, she left to get coffee and I took that short break to put my head on the desk because maths always made my head hurt. 

“How’s detention treating you?” I heard and I immediately turned my head to see Monty standing in the doorway, shoulder leaning against the door frame. He was in his football gear so he must have made some excuse to leave and come see me. In other words, he was looking hotter than usual. 

“It’s awful,” I said and I gestured to the almost blank worksheet, I just couldn’t be bothered with all those questions. He started walking towards my desk and he leaned against it and picked the worksheet up.

“Wow, you should concentrate in class,” he said and I blushed knowing that he was the reason why I couldn’t focus in the first place. I noticed that he was looking at me and I realised how much I wanted him to-

“Kiss me?” I asked and he cocked his head to the side like he was considering it. I blinked once and then I licked my lips, my heart was beating so fast that I needed to remind myself to breathe. Monty’s eyes immediately dashed to my lips and I really thought he was going to do it. There was no one there to see us, nothing was stopping him from kissing me.

But then he tilted my head back, forced me to open my mouth while holding onto my chin and he slowly slid his pointer and middle finger into my mouth. He pushed them in further and further and I opened up wider for him. Like I said, he was more curious than all the other closeted boys I came across. It was like he was testing it out, trying to figure out how my mouth worked. It was silent, the only sound was the heavy breathing coming frim my nose as my mouth was a little occupied.

“Can I go further?” Monty asked and I gave him a small nod not to move too much. I didn’t even realise that I nodded, whatever Monty wanted I just gave it to him. He swallowed and then he added a third finger and pushed in further. I choked then, only a little but it was enough to get Monty to pull his fingers out. He ran his wet fingers through my hair and then smiled at me. It was that smile again, that small smile that made my heart beat just a tiny bit faster.

“You gonna come visit me tonight?” he asked with his fingers still twisting in my hair. “Hmm? When Zachy is out?” I nodded and at that point, somewhere deep deep deep inside my brain I knew that Monty was just using me. He didn’t want to do anything other than fuck me but could I really complain about that? I liked this little arrangement we had even if he made me more nervous than I cared to admit.

“Just make sure no one sees you go into my room,” Monty added in a serious tone and then his thumb swiped over my bottom lip and he stepped back. No kiss for me. 

“I will,” I muttered and I still stared at him longingly hoping that he’ll at least give in and maybe even kiss my cheek. Anything. I just wanted something more intimate.

But he wasn’t paying any attention to me anymore, he just turned away from me and walked out leaving me with my algebra.

***

She finally let me go when I threw a tantrum and told her some fake story about how I didn’t feel like I fitted in at boarding school and how I hated it here. She just didn’t want to listen to my complaining so she let me go.

I walked back to the house knowing that it was late and that Monty got home a while ago. I wondered if he was waiting for me, listening out for a knock on the door or something. I hoped he was.

And then I saw someone I knew in the distance, it looked like he was heading for the swimming pool because he had his bag with him and that’s the one I always saw him carrying whenever he went swimming.

“Hey, Alex!” I shouted and I slid my bag off my shoulder and started rummaging around for his scarf. I took it with me hoping to give it back to him if I saw him except I didn’t see him in school. 

He stopped and I noticed that he didn’t have his cane with him, he limped towards me but he was smiling. “Oh! Hey,” he said and I took the scarf out of my backpack and held it out to him.

“I didn’t realise I had it last night until it was too late, here,” I said and I smiled nervously. “Sorry for taking it.” I already knew that Monty wouldn’t be happy but I wanted to be Alex’s friend, he just seemed interesting and nice. And he didn’t have many friends of his own. 

He took the scarf in his hands and smiled. His thumb stroked over the soft black material and he looked up and grinned at me. "Keep it," he said simply and then he threw it around my neck. He came so close to me that our faces were only inches apart and I breathed in sharply without meaning to. I tried not to blush and I failed.

“You look better with it on anyway,” Alex said when he stepped back. He was blushing too and we smiled at each other before he told me that he should get going and then he left.

The scarf around my neck smelled like him and I kept playing with it until I got to the house. I still had my school uniform on, Mrs Jensen was in the kitchen preparing dinner and the house was very quiet. It looked like everyone was resting during that time after school and before dinner. I hoped that Zach was still out so Monty would be alone in his room.

I walked up the stairs, took a quick glance into my room and Justin was in there. He was sleeping so he didn’t pay much attention to me when I threw my school bag on my bed. 

I didn’t bother taking anything else off and I headed straight for Monty’s room. The corridor was empty, no one saw me standing outside and knocking. 

“Yeah?” Monty called out so I pushed the door open and I went inside. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and his hair was dripping wet, he must have just been in the shower. I stared at him, looked him up and down and then I blushed. 

Monty grinned at me. “Took you long enough,” he said. He took a few steps towards me and then he stopped. I thought he was just teasing me again, trying to get me to work for it but he was forcing and his eyes were fixed on the black material around my neck. “What the fuck are you doing with Standall’s scarf?”

“I… He gave it to me,” I said and I gulped. One second I was sure that I could stand up for Alex and then Monty confronted me and all my confidence was gone, I felt weird for once again ignoring what Monty said and hanging out with Alex even if it was accidental.

“Gave it to you?” he said and he held the scarf up with his fingers and smoothed over the material with his hand. He dropped it, sighed and turned his back on me. “Get out.”

“What- I thought-”

“Did you hear what I said?” He turned around sharply and he glared at me. I was frozen in place but I didn’t like him treating me like this, he acted like a child sometimes.

“Is this because Alex gave me his scarf?” I asked and the minute I said those words out loud, I had a new theory. Monty swore that he hated Alex but he used to hate me too and now we were messing around with each other. I could totally see him and Alex together and it would explain the constant jealousy.

“Winston, get the fuck out,” Monty groaned and he sat on his bed, completely ignoring me. I shouldn’t have even come here, what was the point? He always made a problem out of everything.

“Fine,” I huffed and I walked out of the door, leaving it open so he’d have to get out of bed to close it himself. I wasn’t his bitch.

***

All I wanted to do was tell Justin, explain to him why I hated Monty so much but I couldn't rant properly without revealing too much and outing Monty. I could never do that to him or anyone else for that matter. So while everyone else was in bed sleeping, I was lying in bed telling myself how much I hated Monty. There were so many reasons why I hated him, how he used me, controlled me and he wasn’t even a good person. I just wanted to believe that he was.

I made a decision as I reached for my phone, I was going to text Monty and tell him to leave me alone because I didn’t want to see him anymore. Instead, I typed a different message.

**_Winston -_ ** _ Are you sleeping? _

It was a dumb question and I was read to unsend it when the ‘seen’ message popped up. I wasn’t even expecting Monty to be up still, it was way past midnight.

**_Monty -_ ** _ Yeah _

I rolled my eyes when I read his message and if anything, the text made me even more annoyed at him. I carefully got out of bed, tiptoed towards the door and I paused. Did I really wanna do this? Why not. I opened the door as quickly and quietly as I could so I wouldn't wake anyone else up and then I was standing outside Monty’s and Zach’s room. I didn't knock this time, couldn’t risk waking Zach, so I just walked in and there he was.

I might have hated him but that didn’t make him any less hot. He was lying on his side, facing away from Zach and his face was illuminated by the soft blue light coming from his phone screen. He rolled his eyes when he saw me.

“What now?” he asked without taking his eyes off his phone. He put one of his arms under his head to prop himself up. He didn’t look bothered  _ or _ surprised that I came to see him.

I didn’t speak until I was at the foot of his bed so Zach wouldn’t get woken up by my voice. I stood there, rubbing my arms up and down because the window in their room was often and it was colder than in my own room. I was only wearing a shirt and shorts, I couldn’t see what Monty was wearing but he definitely didn’t have a shirt on.

“I like Alex,” I said and it wasn’t a great way to start, Monty sighed deeply and he put his phone to the side.

“Good for you, so why are you here with  _ me?”  _ He sat up, his back pressed against the headboard and he crossed his arms over his chest. One of his eyebrows was slightly raised and yep, definitely no shirt at all.

“Er. Just wanted to tell you,” I said stupidly and I’m sure he was the reason why my brain couldn’t come up with a better response. 

“Great,” Monty said and I swear I saw him trying to bite back a grin. I didn’t understand what he was grinning about until he made eye contact with me and I saw the look in his eyes. “So you wanna suck me off now or what?” he asked and he pulled the covers back a little to expose his lower body. He was only wearing boxers.

I glanced at Zach just to make sure he was still sleeping and seconds later, I was crawling onto the bed and towards Monty. I looked up at him and he looked nervous now as his chest rose rapidly with every breath he took. 

“Come here,” he said and he pulled me towards him by cupping the back of my head and gently pushing my head towards his. I was in a daze, unsure of what was happening as he licked his lips and then leaned in. I closed my eyes and he placed a small kiss on my lips. It was far too short for me to even enjoy it but it was better than nothing.

“Better?” Monty asked and I glanced at his lips. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen if I decided to kiss him? I leaned forward again but he moved away and held me at arm’s length. "Don't get too greedy."

I blushed and then to hide my face, I started kissing down his body, starting at the neck, his collarbones, his chest and down to his stomach. He was getting impatient, tugging at my hair rushing to push my head down. I was still worried about Zach, I didn't know what would happen if he woke up and I didn't want to find out. 

As soon as I got to Monty's boxers and pulled them down to his thighs, he grabbed his comforter and pulled it over us so that it would cover me and Zach couldn't see us if he woke up. 

It was dark under the bedding but I could see well enough to know what I was doing. I rubbed my palm over his hardening dick and I wished I could see his face to know how well I was doing but I couldn’t because the comforter was in the way. 

I was slowly moving my finger up and down the length, while my tongue lazily licked over the tip, I was having fun messing with him. Monty wasn’t, he put his leg over my shoulder and pressed down on my upper back to get me to go lower.

I struggled under his grip and then his hands went under the covers as if the leg wasn’t enough and he tried to grab onto my hair. 

“How can you be so fucking impatient?” I snapped at him and I slapped his hands away. He couldn’t even wait a few seconds, he always had to be in control and know what was going on. 

He pulled the comforter away, grabbed my arm and pulled me back up so I was face to face with him. “And how can you be so fucking  _ loud? _ ” he hissed back while nervously glancing at Zach sleeping. It’s the next sentence that threw me off. "If I fucked you, would you be quiet?" 

I think my eyes doubled in size and I could barely breathe. “Wha…”

He looked pleased with himself, knowing how much influence he had on me. He moved his hands down to my hips where he squeezed tight and I almost let out a gasp before I remembered that he wanted me to be quiet.

“Well obviously you can’t shut your mouth while sucking my cock so maybe fucking you will do the trick,” he continued looking unphased while I felt my body getting hotter and hotter with every word that came out of his mouth. “Yes or no?” Monty urged on as I continued to stare at him like he was speaking another language. I nodded because I was simply too dumbfounded to be able to string a couple of letters together to form a word.

This was what I wanted, what I couldn’t stop thinking about and Monty was just giving it to me? It seemed too nice. But he pushed me off of him, flipped me onto my stomach trying hard not to make too much noise and then Monty got off the bed.

I took my clothes off while I waited, It sounded like he was rummaging through his drawers. I tried to get on my knees because I didn’t like laying on my stomach.

“Hold still,” Monty said and as soon as I moved, he was pushing me back onto my stomach again. “Oh and don’t come on the bed or you’ll be cleaning it up.” I groaned in frustration but it was muffled by the pillow and thank God or otherwise, Monty would probably tell me off for being ‘too loud’ again.

“Remember when you fucked me and you weren't so mean?" I grunted and then I felt Monty's warm hand slowly stroking my lower back. My breath hitched in my throat.

"Excuse me if I'm not in the mood for being nice after finding out that you're still talking to Standall," he said and then he got back on the bed. He nudged my legs open with his knee and then placed a small kiss on my back. "And I thought you wanted it like this."

I sighed softly and grabbed Monty's other pillow with my right hand. "I do… I do. Don't stop," I said making sure to keep the tone of my voice to a whisper. 

He caressed his hand over my back, gently at first until he reached my ass where his grip tightened and he squeezed tight. "Stay where you are, let me just put a condom on," he said quietly and his skin left mine again. 

I swallowed once and then I pressed my face into the pillow. "Do you have to wear a condom?" I mumbled and I heard Monty chuckle behind me. 

"Look at you wanting to get dirty," he teased me and he ruffled my hair, I liked it when he touched my hair. I didn't usually like the ‘getting dirty’ part. Especially with some guys who would pull out in the middle of a blow job just to jerk off and come on my face without even asking beforehand. It always put me off. But I really felt like I could trust Monty, at least during sex. 

"Yes or not?" I said imitating him from before. And then a soft grunt comes from our left. Zach. 

Monty covered my body with his in two seconds flat. He pressed his chest to my back, his legs on mine and he pulled the comforter over both of our bodies. 

I’m sure that we were both holding our breaths, waiting for another squeak of the bed or a grunt. I just hoped that Zach didn't wake up or we'd have a lot of explaining to do. 

I could feel Monty's heartbeat and it was like a drum, thudding inside his chest so hard that it felt like the whole bed was shaking with every beat of his heart. He was terrified. 

"I... " he said softly and I could tell he was a little embarrassed. Slowly, he removed himself from me and then sighed in relief. "It's less messy with a condom. Try talking to me when we're in your bed," he said and I peeked over my shoulder to see him stroking himself before putting the condom on. 

He took another look at Zach and then he came closer to the bed and he put one hand on my ass to spread my cheeks, I used one of my hands to do the same to help him out. 

It didn't look like Monty had any idea about fingering yet and I knew that I'd have to have a conversation with him about it at some point. Just not yet. 

He had a firm grip on my hip and I let myself let go of the pillow so I could wrap my hand around his wrist. The minute he thrust forward and pushed almost half of his length into me, I gripped onto his wrist like my life depended on it. It hurt a bit more than it would have if he stretched me out with his fingers but I wasn't so tight now after he fucked me last time. Still, I found that I didn't mind the stretch. Actually, I enjoyed feeling every second as he filled me up. 

He was making more noise than me and not because he was loud, he just forgot to be quiet with Zach in the room and he let out a low groan that made me shiver. 

I moved my hips a little to let him know that I was ready for more at which he slowly pushed in further until his thighs were touching my ass. He pulled out just as slowly with another low groan.

"Does being quiet only apply to me?" I asked. I was doing my best, biting into his pillow to not make any noise while he was here just moaning freely. It was a bit unfair.

He squeezed my ass, digging his blunt fingernails right into the flesh and my eyes started to water. I pressed my face so hard into the pillow that I couldn't even breathe. 

Before he could push inside again, I moved my leg at an angle so that my knee was touching my elbow and it was more comfortable for me. 

He went slow again and this time all I could hear was his heavy breathing but other than that, he made no noise. 

Then he sped up and it was harder to keep quiet. I moaned into the pillow hoping that Monty wouldn't mind, he wasn't that quiet either. Zach grunted again so instead of standing at the foot of the bed, Monty got on top of me, covered us with the comforter and fucked me like that.

He pressed his face to me back while he thrust his hips and each one was harder than the previous one. My knuckles turned white from how hard I was grabbing at the sheets and my dick was aching, I needed to come so badly but Monty told me not to and I was trying to do as he said.

Monty cursed and his thrusts became sloppy so he rarely hit the spot I wanted him to. Which wasn’t so bad, if he did I would be spilling out onto his bed and that wasn’t what he wanted.

I think Monty was close to losing it, he wrapped his arm around my chest and grabbed onto my shoulder. His grip was so strong I was sure he was going to dislocate my whole shoulder. Yet I was happy that I was able to make him feel good, it might not seem like much but I liked it that he had at least one thing that he was able to enjoy and that he didn’t have to pretend for just a moment.

As his hold on my shoulder loosened, he pressed his lips to my back as he made small ‘ah’ sounds and then he bit hard. The movement of his hips stilled. He came with a broken, shaky groan that made my legs shake. But I didn’t come, I stopped myself by squeezing around the base as hard as I could.

Monty was still holding onto me after he pulled out and he kissed the back of my shoulder. “Turn around,” he ordered and then he peeled his chest away from my back. He was so sweaty that I felt like I had just come out of a shower.

I turned to lay on my back unsure of what he wanted to do with me. First, he had to clean himself up of course, wiped his sweaty back and face with my T-shirt like it was nothing. I rolled my eyes and he grinned.

He glanced at Zach and then he got on the bed again. He took it all in as looked at me from head to toe. I got tingles everywhere just from how he was looking at me. I've never wanted something as much as I wanted him. 

Monty placed his hand on my stomach and then moved it down to stroke my dick. I moved my hips to get closer to him, get more friction… Anything. 

"Winn, look at me," he said. My eyes were focused on his hand and his hand only as he moved it up and down. "Hey, I told you to look at me." I forced myself to look up and he gulped. "You're not gonna tell anyone about this," Monty said quietly.

I didn't know what he was talking about, I stared at him as he slowly lowered his head down, grabbed onto my hip with his other hand and then he licked the tip of my cock. 

I must have been dreaming because there was no way… There's no way Monty was really doing  _ this _ . He lowered his head all the way down, I hit the back of his throat and I groaned. 

"What the fuck did I tell you about staying quiet?" he snapped after immediately pulling back. He stopped for a second and then he let go of my hip. I thought he was going to put his hand over my mouth but he reached past me, grabbed the pillow and he threw it in my face. "One sound out of you and I'm kicking your ass out of here."

"Got it," I said. Just move and  _ touch _ me for fuck's sake, why did he have to talk so much? 

He licked a stripe up my length and then began sucking on the tip again. His lips stretched out as he went lower and lower. I bit hard into the pillow. There was no way he'd never done this before, you can't be that good without any practice. 

He grabbed onto both my hips, bobbed his head up and down and I covered my face with the pillow completely. It was impossible to stay quiet especially when he kept pulling back and flicking his tongue over the tip. He must have practised on something. 

All I could focus on was the sound of his mouth and how the pillow muffled my gasps and moans. Nothing was stopping me this time, as soon as the pressure built up I didn't hold back. Monty moaned when I came straight into his mouth. He moaned like I've never heard him moan before. I thought getting through to him would be easier than I expected. He swallowed it all down, licked me clean and then pulled back. He wasn’t grinning, he actually looked nervous, kept biting his bottom lip and he wouldn’t look me in the eye.

“Can I stay?” I asked him and he frowned and then raised his eyebrows at me.

“What?”

One thing I learnt about closeted guys, they wanted to be gone as soon as the good part was over. They never stayed for longer, never tried anything more than sex because like Monty said: cuddling leads to feeling things that they’re not read to feel yet.

“Let me stay here for a minute,” I tried to talk him into it. “Just a minute until I… you know.” Am able to feel my legs.

He looked like he was considering it, he looked at me, at the floor and then back at me, I could imagine the cogs in his brain turning and screaming at him to say no.

“Alright,” he finally decided, sighing. “But only for a minute and I mean that.” He tossed my shorts and my boxers at me and then he picked up the shirt.

“I don’t want it back, keep your sweat to yourself,” I said and he chuckled before throwing it under the bed. God knows what else lived under there.

I got dressed, feeling colder than ever so I went under the covers just as Monty walked over to the bed. “Hey, I told you, you can only stay for a minute,” he said and then he got under the covers too from the other side of the bed.

I moved closer to him, his body was literally radiating warmth while I was trembling from how cold I was. What sort of idiot leaves the window open overnight while they sleep? “Just one more minute,” I mumbled and I moved even closer. Our heads were resting on the same pillow, I was lying face to face with him. This was as close as I was gonna get to cuddling with him.

“Fine,” he said and then he reached for his phone. I didn’t make a sound as I watched him press something, slide his finger across the screen and then more clicking. I didn’t really care what he was doing until he turned the phone around to show me his screen and a timer set for one minute exactly.

“Idiot,” I muttered and he grinned proudly. He set the phone down on the pillow in the space between our faces and then he closed his eyes.

“I want you out of here before the timer ends,” he said and then he licked his lips. “And be quiet, don’t wake Justin or Zach.” He was kicking me out but at least he was being nice about it.

I got out of his bed and he stayed where he was, didn’t even open his eyes. “Bye,” I said quietly when I reached the door. He pretended not to hear me. I walked out of the door, quietly shut it behind me and I waited. The timer didn’t ring, he must have switched it off so Zach wouldn’t wake up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it may seem like not much is happening but itll all change soon   
> thank you for reading :)


	10. Birthday Wish

**Chapter Ten**

Justin was starting to suspect something by the third night I sneaked out. I came back in only for him to flick the lights on and sit up in bed. 

"You were gone for an hour," he said. I froze by the door and I glanced at my bed. I was sure Justin was sleeping when I left the room, I couldn't mess up and I couldn't tell him what's going on or Monty would break things off with me. He was already getting paranoid because I left my shirt in his room that one time and Zach found it. I asked him what excuse he made but he didn't want to talk about it. 

"Erm. Did you time me?" I joked and I went back into bed as quickly as I could. My legs were still a little wobbly because Monty just figured out what a prostate is and he had fun messing with me. 

"It's that guy, right?" Justin asked. He turned on his side to look at me but I pulled the covers right up to my chin so he couldn't see anything. Monty didn't leave marks on my neck anymore no matter how much he wanted to, it was to avoid having to explain to people where I got them from. 

'That guy'. We both knew what he was referring to, the guy I told him about long ago and then never mentioned again in case he put the pieces together. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said and I turned away from him. I made sure to cover everything with the duvet, Monty may have left my neck alone but he bit and marked places on my body that weren’t normally visible. 

“Yes, you do,” Justin said. Then I heard the bed creaking and a second later, the covers were pulled back exposing my body. I tried to pull my shirt as far as it could go but I couldn’t hide the hickeys on my inner thigh and the bruises on my hips. “So?” He pointed to the hickey and I blushed. It wasn’t my fault that Monty was so enthusiastic when it came to blowjobs. I never would have thought he had it in him.

Justin let go of the duvet, letting it drop back to cover my body and I grabbed onto it. What the fuck do I say? I started panicking while Justin waited impatiently. I couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Is it Diego?” Justin asked, squinting at me. I thought it was really obvious that Charlie and Diego were sleeping together, the innocent teasing was a big giveaway. I was used to Monty throwing shit at me in class, brushing past me in the corridors and bumping shoulders with me during lunch. It was like foreplay. It was the same thing that Charlie and Diego were doing.

Except Diego kinda moved onto me. He started joining in, calling me ‘Win-Win’ like Monty did in class (he never called me that when we were alone though) and annoying me by making all those gay jokes. I always saw Charlie hanging back, head lowered and shifting from foot to foot.

“It’s not Diego,” I said and Justin looked into the distance. He was gonna figure it out if I didn’t say anything. Obviously, it couldn’t be Diego or Charlie so… Who’s left? “It’s Zach,” I blurted out and Justin’s eyes doubled in size. He was about to open that big mouth of his and say something but I stopped him. “It’s a secret, you can’t tell anyone,” I cut in and Justin shut his mouth again.

“Right. Right, of course,” he said and then he ran his fingers through his hair and laughed. “Zach? Seriously? I- Wow.” At least he believed me, Monty’s reputation was saved. God, the things I did for this one guy.

***

Justin wouldn’t let me sleep. He made me stay up by asking all those questions about Zach. He wanted to know how what when where why… It was like being interviewed and I had to make sure all my lies matched up or it wouldn’t work.

I was exhausted. 

It was Friday, 27th of November, and I was walking towards the stairs in my pyjamas to get breakfast. Usually, I dressed first and ate after but then most of the good stuff would be gone and Charlie and Diego would be messing around at the table, throwing food and making a mess. I could pass on that.

I stepped on the first step, my hair a mess and the circles under my eyes as dark as they could be. All thanks to Monty for fucking up my sleeping schedule and then Justin for keeping me up.

Monty.

He was standing at the bottom of the stairs. In the morning, the postman would come, deliver any letters and parcels and leave them on the small cabinet next to the wall. Monty was looking through the letters, his body looked tensed as he stopped to read every single name. Monty sighed and then tossed the letters back onto the cabinet. He turned around only to bump into me.

“What are you- You know what, I don’t care.” Monty rolled his eyes. Another change in attitude. We were alone and he was acting differently again. I hated that I was never sure what his mood was gonna be like, was he gonna avoid me all day or decide that he wanted to tease me? It was impossible to keep up with him.

“Hey,” I said casually, not moving out of his way. He could have pushed me out of the way but he didn't. Instead, his face softened.

“Hey,” he said and then he looked around. Paranoid, like I said. “You can come to my room after breakfast. If Zach is gone,” he offered with a shrug. Only a few hours ago, he was fucking me on his bedroom floor and he wanted to go again? So did I.

But after breakfast? Is he stupid? I can’t eat and then get fucked straight after. “I can come now,” I told him without going into details. But it’s still early and everyone is only just starting to wake up. Meaning Zach is still in their room.

Monty glared at me like I was purposefully trying to be difficult. “Why can’t you come after?” he asked and I mumbled something, briefly explaining why. Mont raised his eyebrows. “You can't eat before getting fucked? Huh?” he said and then he crossed his arms over his chest. “Is that why gay guys are so skinny?” I smiled and then looked down at my feet. He was still so innocent in certain areas which is what I liked, he could be cocky but he wasn’t always.

“I’ll come in a few minutes then,” I said directing the conversation back to what it originally was. “Text me when Zach is gone.” Monty nodded and with that, I moved out of his way and let him go back to his room.

So now an early breakfast was out of the question and I couldn’t get dressed for school either because my clothes would be on the floor of Monty’s room in a matter of minutes.

I waited in my room, Justin was getting dressed and he kept giving me this weird smile that made me uneasy. He thought he knew everything and I was lying to him. But it was either that or out Monty and I could never do that.

Justin went downstairs for breakfast and then two minutes later, I got a text from Monty. His texts were always short, never detailed and it was enough for me to know what was going on.

**_Monty:_ ** _ He’s in the shower now _

I walked to Monty’s room. Charlie was out in the corridor, heading for the stairs. I panicked but I covered it up with a smile. Charlie didn’t smile back, he rolled his eyes and then went downstairs. I think he was still pissed about the Diego thing.

I didn’t think about it too much, we didn’t know when Zach would be out of the bathroom so it was better not to waste time. I walked in without knocking, Monty was only wearing his school trousers and nothing else. We didn’t need to say anything, it didn’t look like he was in the mood for talking either. 

When we were in his bed, I focused on Monty more than myself because if we didn't have much time then I'd rather take care of him and put him in a better mood than worry about myself. He could always take care of me later. 

I kissed down his neck, sucking a little but not too much so I wouldn't mark him. His body shifted underneath mine, he was telling me to hurry up. My hand ran down his chest, down to his stomach and then I slowly unzipped his trousers while I kissed his shoulder.

He wasn't into it, I could tell. Or at least he wasn't as into it as I was. I thought it was because he was worried about getting caught which is why he was so shifty and quiet. Either way, I slid my hand into his boxers at which he sighed and tilted his head back. If Zach were to walk in we wouldn’t have a good enough reason to explain what was going on. 

I stroked him just how I knew he liked it but there was nothing. He wasn't even getting hard. I frowned at him and he rolled his eyes. "Just keep going," he told me so I tried even harder. I tried almost  _ everything _ . There was something wrong. 

"Maybe you-"

"I just don't feel like it anymore," Monty said and he lightly pushed me away and pulled his trousers back up. I lay on the bed as I watched him get dressed. He put on his shirt, his brow was still furrowed and he wouldn't look at me. It seemed like something was bothering him. 

He didn't have any problem getting hard before (not with me) so I didn't think that  _ I _ was the issue. It was clearly something to do with him. 

"If you wanna talk-"

"Winston, fuck off. And I mean this in the nicest way possible," he muttered while buckling up his belt. He still wouldn't even look my way and he even pretended to be sorting his hair out in the mirror so he wouldn't have to pay attention to me. Monty didn't give a damn about how his hair looked. 

" _ You _ asked me to come here," I reminded him but if he wanted me gone then fine. I got off his bed and once I was by the door, I shot a glare his way so he could see it in the mirror. 

I wasn’t in the mood for breakfast anymore. I got dressed and styled my hair so I looked as good as I could. Maybe then Monty would stop acting like a dick and talk to me. I needed someone to talk to but Justin wasn’t an option, he’d figure it out if I told him what was really going on.

So I called Scott. I left Scott back at Hillcrest and now… He’s messaged me a few times but we haven’t really talked since I moved. I felt bad for forgetting about him since he was my best friend. I could trust him, he didn’t know Monty.

I anxiously waited for him to answer the phone as I made my way to school. People rushed past me, wanting to get inside and away from the cold but I desperately needed to talk to Scott.

“Winston?”

“Oh. Hi.” I almost didn’t expect him to pick up but he did. And there was a pause as neither of us spoke. I cleared my throat. “Can you talk right now?” Lessons at Hillcrest started in about ten minutes, I wasn’t sure if Scott would have the time to speak to me.

He sighed. “Sure.” So I stopped by the benches outside the school and I started telling him everything. The shortened version. First I started off by telling him a little about Monty but I didn’t have forever to be explaining it so I had to rush.

“And erm… I might have… you know. Lost  _ it  _ to him.” I said hoping Scott would know what I was talking about. Silence.

“You  _ what? _ ” he snapped at me and I almost dropped my phone. The people around me gave me weird looks and I blushed. Scott wasn’t done. “Why would you… I thought you wanted it to be special? With someone you trust? Someone who doesn’t treat you like you’re just a hole.”

I wanted to say that I like being treated like a hole but I bit my tongue. And I guess that in a way it was special, I was never going to forget it. But Scott sounded genuinely angry at me, there was no way he would understand.

“And from what you told me about this guy- He sounds like an asshole. Why would you even like him?” Scott continued and I groaned loudly. Calling him was a bad idea. I forgot Scott was this whole believer in true love while I on the other hand… It was because of Scott that I never slept with anyone back home. He always told me I was going to regret it if I hooked up with just anyone. 

“I actually have to get to class,” I lied to Scott because I couldn’t tell him that I didn’t wanna talk to him anymore. I’m the one who called him. 

So I hung up on Scott after he huffed and told me to call him after school so we can talk. Yeah, sure. I’ll definitely do that.

***

Something was clearly up with Monty. He caught me staring at him in Spanish and he rolled his eyes, it wasn’t the playful kind of eye-roll he did when he wanted to tease me, he looked annoyed with me. I didn't understand what I did wrong but it was exhausting putting up with him and trying to figure out why he was acting the way he was. 

I wasn't the only one who was fed up with Monty. 

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" Justin was stood by our table with his lunch tray in his hands. It was me and Tyler, sitting at lunch and talking about photography because Alex was catching up on work in the library. 

"Er… sure," I answered while Tyler looked around nervously. He didn't have the best relationship with the football team but Justin was better than them. 

"Thanks." Justin sat down next to me and opposite Tyler. I wondered what he wanted, why he would be sitting with us when his own friends sat on a completely different table on the other side of the cafeteria. 

Justin smiled at Tyler, he smiled back awkwardly and then both of them turned to me. “Tyler and I were just talking about yearbook,” I said as if Justin actually cared. “So why aren’t you with your friends?”

Justin immediately put his silverware down, he sighed and he put his hands on the table. “One word. Monty,” he said and I felt my cheeks heating up. Shit shit shit. Did he  _ know? _ How did he figure- “I know it’s his birthday and all but… he acts like such a dickhead on his birthday. Even Diego’s starting to get pissed off with him.” Justin continued and I didn’t move a muscle.

Huh? I thought this was about me and Monty but obviously not… Monty’s birthday? Why didn’t he tell me? And why was he acting so weird? I tried to piece it together in my head but there were simply no connections apart from the fact that Monty was a bit of an idiot. And Diego getting pissed off at him? They were like brothers, Diego wouldn’t get pissed off at him for no reason.

“What did he… do? Say?” I encouraged Justin to keep talking while Tyler listened. He hated Monty, he didn’t wanna engage in a conversation about Monty. God, if Tyler knew what I was up to with Monty… I would lose him as a friend.

“He’s just being a dickhead. Pretending he’s emotionless or some shit. Drama queen,” Justin muttered and he stabbed a meatball with his fork in frustration. I didn’t really know what that was supposed to mean so I stayed quiet. “He… Monty kinda admires his dad, you know? They don’t have a good relationship though. Barely talk. I think he’s upset that his dad forgot about his birthday and he’s trying to act cold but… I know he must be hurting.”

Look at that, I wasn’t the only one who was starting to see the other parts of Monty. The parts he was desperately trying to hide from everyone around him. It wasn’t just about making excuses anymore, Monty was genuinely messed up and he tried to hide it by being a dick. That can only work for so long, what happens when it stops working?

But seeing it from Monty's perspective, it must suck to have your dad forget about your birthday. No wonder he was in a bad mood. 

Justin stayed with us for the rest of lunch. We stopped talking about Monty, I showed him some photos I took with my camera and then Tyler got into it too. It was much better talking about a topic like that, not having to talk about people and their flaws. 

Tyler and Justin actually seemed to have hit it off. Okay maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but they got on well. And Justin asked if he could walk home with us. Tyler couldn’t, he made some excuse about staying back for yearbook but I think he was just scared. Why? Well if one of the jocks walks home with us then why wouldn't the rest follow? Tyler didn’t want to risk it.

“So… Zach,” Justin said out of nowhere as we walked down the path together. I was hoping Justin would talk more about himself especially because he was supposed to be at football practice, why wasn’t he? But sure, we can talk about ‘Zach’.

“You haven’t said anything, have you?” I asked him and Justin shook his head.

“‘Course not. But he’s hiding it really well, I think,” Justin added with a small smile. Yeah maybe because there’s nothing to hide, it’s all a lie. I kept my mouth shut. “I think it’s cute. The sneaking around and everything. Really cute,” Justin continued. I’d have to disagree, the sneaking around wasn’t cute, it was exhausting and difficult to meet up without anyone knowing.

“Yeah…” I didn’t know how to ask Justin because I didn’t want to seem… nosey? I just wanted to know if he was okay. How  _ he _ was doing. “So why aren’t you at football practice with the others?” I asked casually and Justin immediately became tense. 

“Erm… Things just… I don’t know man,” he sighed and he carded his fingers through his hair. “I think I wanna quit the team,” he said in a rush and I raised an eyebrow at him. I thought these things were unquitable, once you’re in it you’re in it for life. That’s what they make it out to be. And I knew that Justin wasn’t the best player on the team but… Would he really quit? The guys needed him, he was their friend.

“Why?”

Justin stared at me and then he scoffed. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m crap at it. I don’t play even though I spend all my time practising. I don’t get better. And then my other grades suffer,” he explains and he messes up his hair. "I don't wanna talk about it." I put my hand on his shoulder to comfort him and he sighed softly. "Let's talk about your secret boyfriend again."

I groaned and Justin laughed at me. He was enjoying this, thinking he knew more than everyone else. I didn't want to get caught in a lie. 

"How about we talk about your secret… whatever? What happened to that girl?" I asked him and his good mood disappeared. He shrugged indifferently. 

"That's over. Not a lot to say." He stared down at his feet, bowed his head. That explained his sudden interest in my love life. If you could even call it that. 

Justin forgot about my 'secret boyfriend' for a minute, we walked in silence and then he sighed. "I should probably do something with the guys. Take Monty out for his birthday maybe."

Monty didn't know how lucky he was. He had friends that stuck by him even when he messed up. They all had each other’s backs. It may not seem like much but for Monty, someone who didn't have a lot of people he could trust, that must have meant the world. 

***

"Yeah?" Monty shouted uncertainly. He should have been used to my knocking by now. Except I wasn't knocking on his door for the usual reason. 

I had no idea what I was doing. I must have gone mad. I certainly lost my sanity because how else would you explain the birthday card in my hand? 

I don't know… I just felt so bad for him when Justin told me that Monty never got gifts for his birthday. Monty was supposed to be grounded still but Zach and Diego begged Mrs Jensen to lift the ban for this one day. 

Justin was getting ready in our room, they were going out to an arcade and he was telling me why Monty hated his birthday so much. He was at boarding school since he was a child so he never got to spend his birthday how he wanted to. He was stuck here. 

I guess I was doing it out of pity, I could only hope that he wouldn't laugh me out of the room. 

It looked like he was getting ready to go out, he was only wearing one sock, his flannel was only covering one shoulder and his belt was unbuckled as he sat on the bed and tried to put his other sock on. He stopped and stared at me when I walked in. 

"Yeah?" he asked and he raised an eyebrow. He could make me feel so nervous with just one look. But then he looked away, he must have remembered how he kicked me out of his room in the morning. All because he couldn't get hard. 

The birthday card was in my hand, between my thumb and my forefinger. I was holding onto it for dear life. It wasn't even a store-bought one, I made it myself because it was so last minute. I had to use coloured card from the supply cupboard and I stuck a picture of the football team at the front because I had the impression that that was what was most important to him. I felt like a fifth-grader approaching his first crush. 

"Um. Don't laugh," I said and I swear I could have facepalmed myself. Of course he was going to laugh now that I told him not to. He already had a smile tugging at his lips and I sighed. "I got you a birthday card," I added and his eyebrows immediately shot up. He literally froze in that position for a few seconds. 

"A birthday card?" he repeated and then his eyes landed on the card that I was holding in my hand. Suddenly I felt more than stupid for doing this. Who even… God, I was such a fucking freak. We weren't friends, we were just fucking. Obviously this was weird. 

"Well, are you gonna keep it for yourself or…?" Monty asked and that's when I realised how much of a bad idea this was. A birthday card really? What was I thi-

But then Monty leaned forward and he snatched the card out from between my fingers. 

"Hey!" I tried to retrieve the card and snatch it back but Monty held me back with one hand on my shoulder and he opened the card with the other. "You can't-"

"Dear Monty, I love you so much," Monty pretended to read out and I rolled my eyes. He pushed me further back with his hand and I stayed there, not wanting to struggle with him because we both knew that I had no chance. 

"That's not what it says," I muttered and Monty grinned. I was blushing hard, already scared of the worst. 

"Well, are you gonna leave and let me read it in peace or what?" I wished I didn't write anything inside. There were just one or two sentences about how I hoped he had a good day and generic stuff like that. I didn't want to write anything personal in case he took the card and showed it around to make fun of me. I knew I was taking a risk by doing this. 

I left Monty to it. He didn't ask how I knew that it was his birthday and I didn't ask why he was acting like a prick all day. I went back to my room and something felt different. For the first time, I felt like I saw a different, more vulnerable side of Monty. 

The guys went out, Justin included which meant I was alone in our room. 

I thought I'd get away with not calling Scott. He sent me a few text messages saying he was gonna be home in a few minutes. I didn't wanna get told off by Scott again but I couldn't ignore him. 

"So he beat up your friend, pushed you away and you're  _ still _ defending him?"

"I'm not defending him!" I groaned and I laid back on my bed. Scott could be annoying sometimes, I know he meant well but would it really have hurt him to focus on the positives a little more? "I know he's… fucked up but. He's still a person. And he's not that bad. He's actually kind of... " Sweet. Not that I was gonna say that out loud. 

And Monty was flawed but he was also guarded. He could be sweet underneath. I immediately thought back to a few nights before when he was fucking me and he kept slipping out… he ended up laughing the whole time that he fucked me and he had to hide his face in the crook of my neck not to wake Zach up with his laughter. He was cute. I liked that Monty. 

Scott continued droning on and on and on about how I'm going to regret this later. Why was he so  _ bothered _ ? It was my choice, it wasn't hard to understand.

Eventually, I made up an excuse about being tired and Scott left me alone. Turns out I  _ was _ tired because I fell asleep almost right after he hung up on me. 

***

I woke up early the next morning. And by early I mean very early. I fell asleep in my clothes and on top of the duvet. There was a blanket covering me meaning that Justin must have given it to me when he came back from the arcade.

I was hoping he’d wake me up when he got back. That way I could find out what happened and if Monty maybe… said anything about me? I doubt that would ever happen.

One thing I was very aware of was that I was so hungry I could eat almost anything. Even that disgusting meal I saw Monty making in the kitchen a while ago. He coated fries in lasagna and then poured ketchup all over it. Actually no, I wouldn’t eat that even if I was starving. Though I guess it was different for Monty, he was an athlete so he needed to eat a lot.

I wasn’t expecting to see him up so early but he was coming out of the bathroom when I stepped outside my room. He took one look at me, looked away and then hurried back into his room before I could even say hi. Weird.

I didn’t think much of it as I continued with my day. First I went out with Tyler, I promised him I’d help him with the yearbook layout so I stayed with him in his room in one of the other houses for a few very long hours. 

By the time I went back to the house, the guys were outside playing football. Nina and Jessica were among them while Sheri cheered the girls on. 

“Come on Winston, join in!” Sheri invited me but I shook my head and mumbled something about being tired. I was always tired, my eyes burned from staring at Tyler’s laptop all day. I just needed something to… Justin and Zach were both outside and Monty wasn’t. You can see where I’m going with this.

Monty wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. My heart pounded with every step that I took up the stairs. It was only more than twenty-four hours since we last fucked but I missed it. I missed _ him _ . Those were the only times I could really see Monty for who he was, when he wasn’t putting up a front out of fear that someone would find out.

Then there was also the thing with the birthday card. I hoped that wasn’t too forward, it could push Monty away or send him the wrong signal. I was only trying to be friendly.

“Monty, wait!” I called after him. He was coming out of Diego’s room, possibly heading back to his. He paused for a moment and then he ignored me. Fuck, was he deaf or something? I didn’t want to think that maybe he was deliberately ignoring me. Because why would he? I spoke to him the night before and we seemed fine. Was the birthday card too much? 

“Monty!”

“What?” He glared at me when he turned around. He stopped just outside his room and he looked me up and down. I stared back at him, he was clenching his fists and breathing deeply through his nose. What the hell happened to him?

“I… Are you okay?” I approached him cautiously. Monty looked like he needed space, didn’t want to get too close to him. 

He scoffed at me. “Why do you care?” Then he crossed his arms over his chest. Once again, I was faced with the other Monty. The one I wasn’t keen on. “I’m fine,” he then added. But he was still staring at me. Waiting. “What do you want?”

We couldn’t even have a simple conversation. He was always so defensive, so guarded. Like he was scared of letting people get too close to him. 

I was going to forget about it but if he was in a bad mood, this could benefit both of us. “I just thought… maybe if you’re not busy…” He knew what I was suggesting from how he shifted uncomfortably. Yeah, uncomfortably. Maybe we shouldn’t have been talking about it out in the corridor where anyone could hear. 

“You have hands, don’t you?” Monty snapped at me and then he gestured to my crotch with his eyes. Nice. When it came to him, I had to be there whenever he wanted me but me? No, I was just there for his own entertainment. Maybe Scott was right after all.

I didn’t know what to say. Part of me was hoping that he was just kidding and he would push the door open and let me into his room. He’d laugh at me and he’d tease me like he always does but he wouldn’t… be like this. Just because He was pissed off at something to do with his birthday doesn’t give him the right to be pissed off at me too.

“Whatever,” Monty said after the silence became uncomfortable and he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I was starting to get bored anyway.”

“Excuse me?” Bored? Bored of what?

Monty bit his lip, he looked at me and then at the wall behind me. Avoiding eye contact. My hands were starting to get sweaty so I put them in my pockets too. “Bored of this.” Monty stated causally. “You. It’s been fun but… Obviously, you can’t get me hard anymore.” 

I blinked several times and my lips parted. I tried to say something and nothing came out. It wasn’t my fault that he couldn’t get hard, it was  _ nothing _ to do with me. Nothing at all. I wasn’t… Was he really just getting rid of me like that? 

“Monty-” He didn’t mean it, he was just acting out. He couldn’t be… How could he say that he was bored of me?

“I’m busy,” he said sternly and he opened the door to his room. He glanced at my crotch again. “Have fun jerking off though.” And with that, he walked inside and slammed the door in my face.

I couldn’t focus for the rest of the day. I had homework and I had fucking  _ Spanish _ homework and I wasn’t taking any of it in. Maths wasn’t any better. Or Biology. All I could think about was what Monty said. And I hated myself for being stupid enough to believe that he was anything else other than an asshole. I was too embarrassed to text Scott and tell him what happened because all he’d do is say ‘I told you so’. Maybe I did regret losing my virginity to Monty.

“Dude, are you okay? You’ve been staring at that paper for the past fifteen minutes,” Justin commented but he wasn’t making fun of me. I looked up, it was almost eleven at night and he was playing a game on his phone. He stopped just to check in on me. More than most guys would do.

“I’m fine. You know how useless I am at bio,” I joked to get Justin to stop trying to look into me. He was too smart for his own good, I didn’t want him to know that something happened. Or that Monty was involved.

“You sure?” Justin insisted and I nodded. I wrote something down on the worksheet so it’d look more convincing. Justin chuckled. “Well, erm, Zach is top of the class at biology. Maybe he could help out,” he added and then he winked at me. Right. Zach. Oh how I hated myself for believing this thing I had with Monty would last more than a couple of weeks.

An hour passed and Justin fell asleep. I was still staring at my biology sheet. I answered two questions and with that, I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t be bothered anymore. I told myself that I’ll do all my homework on Sunday.

I got ready for bed and I tried not to think about Monty. He meant to hurt me and I should have known it would have happened sooner rather than later. Monty wasn’t a good person and I didn’t like him. I told myself that I’ll get over him with ease. 

Then I got into bed and my phone vibrated. Probably just Scott, I thought. Then a minute later it vibrated again. I turned on my side, grabbed my phone from the nightstand and I squinted in the light. Two texts. From Monty. I clicked on the notifications and then my eyes widened when I saw the attachment.

A picture. It didn’t have his face it in, it was taken of him just below the waist. Specifically his underwear and the very visible erection that was hidden by the material. My mouth was dry and I licked my lips. Then I saw the message underneath.

**_Monty:_ ** _ Need you _

In other circumstances, I would have been rushing to his room. But then I remembered what he said to me. He was ‘bored’ of me. I also remembered something else that he said.

**_Winston:_ ** _ Busy. Have fun jerking off though. _

And with that, I put my phone away. 

You’re not his bitch. Go to sleep Winston.

So I went to sleep.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know i cant go a chapter without making monty mess up somehow :)  
> hope you enjoyed this, thank you for reading


	11. Confusing

**Chapter Eleven**

So he blocked me. 

Mature of him. I don't care. I'm not saying a word to him, I'm not even gonna pay attention to him until he apologizes to me. That's what I told myself. I ignored him for all of Sunday, stayed in my room and buried myself in homework. Then it dawned on me that I'd still have to see him in school. Justin could tell something was off. 

"Dude, you're gonna break that mirror if you don't stop glaring at it," he said as he lazily dressed for school in the ugly uniform. He threw his tie around his neck and didn't even bother tying it. 

I didn't reply. I was trying my best to cover up the bags under my eyes. I didn't want anyone, especially  _ him _ knowing that I had trouble falling asleep. I knew I picked a fight and I was honestly scared of what Monty would do. He could be a dick every day but now I pissed him off. 

"Someone didn't sleep well… you okay?" I saw Justin's reflection in the mirror as he studied my face. I didn't want him analysing me. And obviously, I knew he was just trying to be a good roommate. He was a good roommate, I wasn't. 

I ignored Justin. Walked out of the room and slammed the door in his face when he asked me where I was going. I wasn't in the mood for talk. 

And my day only got worse when I went downstairs. I spent so much time sorting out my hair that it was already late. The girls had their breakfast early so they wouldn't have to sit and watch the guys act like animals. It was standard procedure. 

None of them noticed me walk in, Charlie was rolling up pancakes and stuffing them in his mouth, checking how many he could fit while Diego, Zach and… Monty all watched him and encouraged it. 

Jessica was there too. And Sheri. It looked like they were working on homework while eating. Sitting on the opposite end of the table, far away from Charlie and his weird breakfast experiments. At least the girls made me feel safer than I was. 

I sat between Sheri and Zach. Still, no one even glanced at me. Most of the breakfast food was gone but I managed to grab the last two toast from the plate. I ate in silence, ignoring the laughter and the showing coming from my left. And certainly ignoring Monty. 

The toast were a little dry but the jug with the juice was close to Monty. I didn't want to reach anywhere near him. My own stubbornness lead me to choking.

"Woah, you alright there buddy?" Zach patted my back with his heavy hand while I covered my mouth with my arm. I was coughing, trying not to spit food out anywhere but there were tears starting to form in my eyes. "Okay, he needs to drink something," Zach decided when my coughing didn't get any better. I could feel it scratching at my throat. "Monty, can you pass-" 

And Monty did pass. He slid the jug across the table without looking. It slid and it fell. Juice splattered everywhere. 

"What the  _ fuck _ Monty?"

"What the hell is  _ wrong _ with you?"

I stopped coughing. The bread went down my throat as Sheri and Jessica scrambled to their feet. Sheri's homework was wet, soaked in juice, my trousers and the sleeve of my blazer were soaked, Zach's white shirt was stained orange. No one was happy with Monty. And even though Sheri had her own problem to deal with, she looked furious when she saw me standing up on shaky legs. 

"Wins- Monty! Look what you did to him!" She immediately looked around for a kitchen towel that she threw to me. I made an effort trying to wipe myself dry but it was useless. And I was meant to be at school in fifteen minutes. A seven-minute walk, I only had eight minutes to dry myself. 

"I'll be fine," I muttered and I ran back to my room. Okay, not  _ ran _ but I walked. Fast. Knowing me I would have tripped over something and fell. 

I had to go back into my room and face Justin. It looked like he was getting ready to set off, putting his jacket on and sorting through his backpack. "Oh so now you're- Why are you drenched? Is it raining outside?" he asked and then he looked out of the window. If only. 

"No, it's-" I didn't have time for talk so I quickly shrugged my blazer off and then unbuckled my belt. "Monty." Thankfully I had another pair of pants that I searched for in my closet. 

"Monty?" Justin asked and he raised an eyebrow. So I had to explain the whole thing to him while I pulled my pants on and then tried to dry the sleeve of my blazer. 

"-And he's so fucking  _ stupid _ . Who does that?" I complained as the tissue left white residue on the black material of the sleeve. "I never did anything wrong, he just always fucking  _ picks _ on me." It fell silent for a moment as I put my blazer back on. Approximately two minutes left until I had to set off. 

"Wait a minute... " Justin said and he got to his feet. His backpack fell back on the bed and I focused on that instead. I could sense trouble in Justin's tone. "You… it's Monty isn't it?" I didn't wanna know how he got to the conclusion but he did. And my not answering was enough to answer his question. "Holy- Seriously? Monty? You and  _ Monty?" _

I quickly shushed him, worried that someone could walk past and hear. "Don't fucking tell anyone, you can't," I told Justin. Even if I was mad at Monty, no one should have to know about this. It's his secret. And I had no intention of outing him. 

"I'm not going to, I'm just... " Justin ran his fingers through his hair, he stared down at his feet and then he scoffed. "But on his birthday, we got kicked out of the arcade 'cause… this guy hit on him and so Monty beat the shit out of him." He looked up to meet my eye and then shook his head. "It wasn't even… the guy just said that he thought he was cute and now you're telling me… "

I didn't tell him anything, Justin found out by himself. And although that kind of explained why Monty acted like a dick on Saturday, it wasn't good enough of an excuse. He always had an excuse for why he behaved the way he did. It wasn't enough anymore. 

I knew that it was time for me to get over Monty.

***

I knew what would piss Monty off especially when he and I both knew he couldn't do anything about it. I could spend the whole day with Alex and he wouldn't say a thing. Wouldn't want to look like he gave a shit about me. 

Lunch was actually okay for once. I didn't keep looking around for Monty, trying to check what he was doing or if he was looking at me. I only looked once or twice but that was a big improvement. 

Tyler was explaining the yearbook to us. He was in charge of going to all the sports events like the football games. Of course the football team took up the most space in the yearbook and Tyler had to make sure it all looked decent. He was telling us that they have an away game next week that he has to go to but I wasn't really listening. 

"Winston?" Tyler nudged me and I looked up. They were both staring at me. "I was asking if you'd like to… come with me? Help out with yearbook?” I nodded without thinking. They already look concerned but I saw that helping out with yearbook could be a nice distraction. I was already helping out with the layout and deciding which photos to pick so this wasn’t something that was new to me. And at Hillcrest, I was in charge of the yearbook. I had experience.

So then I had to pay attention to Tyler as he explained that it was this Friday and we were gonna be gone the whole day.

“And don’t fall asleep on the bus,” Tyler warned me.

“Why?” both Alex and I asked at the same time. Tyler squirmed in his chair and he looked down at his hands.

“Just don’t,” he said quietly. “The football team can be… creative when you fall asleep.” The football team. Monty was part of the football team. Completely forgot about that. Though I couldn’t get out of it or Tyler would want a reason why. I didn’t have one I could tell him.

About ten minutes before the bell, Sheri and Jessica joined us at lunch. They didn’t say a word, they just sat down. Our table was becoming quite popular even if the jocks wanted everyone to stay away from Alex. I couldn’t believe that I was actually considering ignoring Alex to make Monty happy. What was wrong with me?

“Er, hi?” I greeted the girls uncertainly. It wasn’t every day that I saw them actually want to talk to me. And then I found out why.

“We just wanted to ask if you were okay. After what happened with Monty?” Jessica asked and Tyler gave me a questioning look. I haven’t told anyone about it except for Justin. So only he and everyone else who witnessed it knew. 

“I’m fine. You know what he’s like, I’m used to it,” I said with a shrug. Sheri and Jessica exchanged glances and then gave me a small nod. I know what they were thinking, we all knew what Monty was like. Everyone assumed he picked on me because I was gay. They were right to do so.

“But if you want to report him- Or if he ever does anything, just know that you can talk to us,” Sheri continued. I was grateful, I was. But I could already see Tyler trying to work out what was happening between me and Monty and why I had people trying to check up on me. 

“Thanks,” I said. “But I swear it’s fine, it was just an accident.” As if. Even a blind man would be able to tell that he meant to do it. He wanted some sort of reaction out of me. Or he was just acting out because I didn’t jump at the chance to sleep with him. How could I let myself think he was better than that?

Neither Sheri nor Jessica left our table and they were even nice to Alex. Not that I was surprised, I’ve just never seen anyone talk to him at school. He was always alone. That’s how I knew I was right for sticking with him. 

***

“I’ll even give you his number!” Justin argued but I wasn’t listening. It was the night before our biology test and I was cramming  _ everything _ . I needed to get decent grades or my parents would be asking why I haven’t improved. They would probably consider moving me to a new school. They thought the school was the problem.  _ I _ was the problem. 

And I didn’t want to leave anything behind now that I had friends. I had Tyler, Alex, Justin and maybe even Sheri and Jessica. It was hard for me to make friends so I didn’t want to move again.

“No, I don’t wanna bother him,” I eventually said when Justin threw his pillow at me. “And shouldn’t you be studying too?” I wasn’t gonna take Justin up on his offer, he wanted me to ask Zach for help. I couldn’t do that for many reasons but I wouldn’t have minded studying with Justin.

“Nah,” he said and he hugged his pillow. He was laying on his stomach while I was sitting at my desk panicking about the test and then the yearbook thing that I promised to help Tyler with. It was going to be a long week. 

“What do you mean ‘nah’?” I was getting annoyed at everything now, I was gonna fail the test, Justin was being annoying and as much as I hated Monty… I kind of missed him I guess. Or I missed sneaking around and getting fucked. Same thing.

“I mean… I tried to quit the team and they wouldn’t let me,” Justin explained without looking up. For a second. I forgot about the biology test and I turned in my chair to face him. He looked like he was far far away in his thoughts. “So I’m… maybe if I start failing everything then they’ll let me quit.” 

Football teams always reminded me of cults but Justin wasn’t in the mood for jokes. I hated that he couldn’t leave because I knew how much he wanted to. That explained why during ‘bonding hour’ he said he had nothing to be proud of this week. I didn’t think it sounded like him. 

“Or... You could just convince them,” I suggested at which Justin scoffed. Like I said, football teams were cults. I didn't see why it was such a big deal. It was just football.

I turned back to my textbook. I read over the information once, twice, several times… I couldn’t remember it. I knew I was going to blow it. “So about Zach…”

Justin grinned and that was all it took. A few minutes later I was in Monty’s room but this time it wasn’t his bed I was in. Okay, I was only sitting on Zach’s bed but it was still weird being back there.

Monty’s side of the room looked like a mess. It was always messier than Zach but it was… cleaner when I would come over. I guess he wasn’t expecting visitors so he didn’t care how his room looked. His desk was a mess of papers, cups and plates, his bed was unmade and his clothes were littering the floor.

“So what should we start on?” Zach asked, taking my attention away from the filth that Monty called his bed. He spun around in his chair and settled his laptop onto his knees. “What are you struggling with?”

“Everything?” It wasn’t a lie, I had no idea where to even start. Zach laughed and he didn’t make fun of me, didn’t call me stupid, he nodded and then he tapped away on his keyboard.

Two minutes later, he looked up and he smiled. “Right, let’s go through everything then,” he said and I thought I would regret it but I didn’t. Only an hour in and I already felt a billion times more confident about the test. 

And I’m gonna be honest, Zach was actually kinda cool to hang out with. Even if we were only studying. He wasn’t like I expected him to be. He was sweet, charming, he looked away and smiled whenever he got embarrassed. I… It was happening again. But at least it was Zach and not another Monty this time.

“See, you’re getting good at this,” Zach praised me and then he put his hands behind his head when he leaned back in the chair. “You wanna take a break?” I could keep going but Zach not so much, he looked like he needed a break. And he deserved it too. I knew it wasn’t fun to have to teach me all of that. 

“Okay…” Zach said and he closed his laptop. For a second, he stayed in the chair and he rubbed his eyes. “So… Can I ask you a question?” He looked up at me but before I could give him an answer, he stood up and sat next to me on the bed. I had to move to give him a little space. I’ll admit that he made me nervous.

“Um, yeah. Yes,” I stammered and I quickly occupied my hands by pushing my hair away from my eyes. Zach was looking at me with those intense dark eyes and I couldn’t look away. I gulped. Felt like I may have been getting the wrong idea. Or did Justin tell him anything?

“Has Monty said anything to you?” I sighed. Monty. Monty Monty Monty Monty. It was all about Monty. I couldn’t escape him. Zach didn’t read me well at all. “If he says anything to you, you can come to me and I’ll-”

“He hasn’t said or done anything,” I interrupted him. I was getting sick of everyone asking even if they were trying to help. I could handle myself. I wasn’t some wimp who needed people to stand up for him all the time. Though it was nice to know that the people around here cared.

Zach looked at me for a little too long. That look again. Like he knew something. Then he looked past me, his eyes settled on the clock and I could see the ghost of a smile though I had no idea why.

“Well, that’s good to hear,” he said with a small nod and then he moved in even closer. My heart was going crazy. I didn’t know if I was making it up because I was desperate to get over Monty or if Zach was really… interested in me. 

“I-”

“Remember that you always have me,” he said and he put one of his arms around me. What. Was. Happening. Either way, I couldn’t think. Zach pulled me into his chest and all I could smell was him and he smelled so  _ good _ . 

I let myself melt into it and the seconds seemed like hours. I wish it lasted hours because it was all I needed. Wanted him to hold me like that for the rest of my life.

"Sorry, didn't know your boyfriend was coming over." I could recognise that bitter voice anywhere. I didn't want to pull away but Zach did so I kind of had to. Monty stood in the doorway and he glared at us. He focused mainly on Zach like he didn't want to look at me. 

It was two past seven and it looked like he had just come back from a run. I've never seen him go on runs before, he already seemed tired enough after practice. I guess now he had time for runs because I wasn't taking it up. 

His eyes moved to rest on me and I immediately blushed. I could be mad at him from a distance but there was still something about him… he still made me nervous. I couldn't deny that. Sure I hated him but he made me feel things and he… I missed him touching me, being possessive, using me however he wanted… He could never know that. 

"We're trying to study so could you please keep it down?" Zach said when Monty threw the bag he was carrying onto his desk. It crashed with something and papers and other things fell to the floor making a loud racket. 

Zach's arm was around my shoulder again but this time it just rested there. He wasn't trying to pull me in but I could feel how he gradually rubbed his hand around my shoulder. My mouth started to feel dry. 

"Studying," Monty repeated and then he scoffed. He grinned to himself and then he went over to the bed. He laid down making as much noise as he could and so finally Zach went back to his laptop. I felt like I could breathe again when his hand left my shoulder. 

"Okay, let's just go over the basics again," Zach said. I could do this, I knew I could. I did all this work and it was about to pay off. So Zach asked his first question. “What’s an example of a monomer?”

“A-”

“Amino acid,” Monty answered without looking up from his phone. I wanted to glare at him but that was exactly what he wanted. So I took a deep breath in and I told myself that he wasn’t worth it.

“Okay… Next question,” Zach said awkwardly and he gave Monty a look. “This one’s for Winston, what do purine bases include?” 

I hesitated. Monty threw me off and I wasn’t sure what the answer was. Zach gave me a small smile of encouragement but I didn’t want to answer in front of Monty. If I got it wrong he’d have another thing to make fun of me.

“Guanine and adenine,” Monty said with a sigh and then I made the mistake of looking at him. Our eyes met and I felt so exposed once again. Every second I spent with him replayed in my mind and I thought he  _ knew. _ He knew that even if he treated me like shit, I still missed him because I saw that other side of him and I missed it. 

All he had to do was apologize, tell me why he did what he did but of course that was too much to ask for. He had his pride to protect.

“Thank you for this,” I said after a minute. Zach looked confused when I got up from his bed. I wiped my hands on my pants, hoping that Monty didn’t catch how red my palms were. My body temperature was going through the roof.

“Are you leaving?” Zach asked and he closed his laptop. I wasn’t going to learn anything if Monty was around. 

I nodded shyly and I glanced towards the door. “Yeah, I’ll just… I’ll study in my room,” I explained. Far away from Monty. 

“Okay, good luck on your exam,” Zach said and he looked past me and glared at Monty. Zach knew something. I was sure of it.

***

On Friday morning I had to be up early, I had no idea what I was in for. Turns out Tyler bailed on me. Little rat. I thought he’d be there with me as moral support and we would have each other’s back if anyone picked on us but no. He bailed.

So I had to go with the team because Tyler had an ‘emergency’. I only found out when I got into school. Justin was with me, he told me not to stress about it. "You'll be fine, if you need anything I'll be there," he told me while we were all crowding around in the school cafeteria and then he left to go join Monty and Diego. 

I never realised how big the football team was and we had to wait for everyone to arrive before we could get on the bus. It was weird having no one there to talk to, not even Tyler or Alex and Justin left me so I sat by myself and I pulled my phone out so I at least looked busy. I thought about texting Scott and telling him the truth but I couldn’t embarrass myself like that. I told myself I’d do it later.

I ignored the shouts and shrieking coming from Monty’s table as I went through my apps. There was nothing interesting for me to do. I may have as well been sat there twiddling my thumbs. I dared look up just to see if maybe Monty was looking at me. All of the guys were wearing blue jackets, it was hard to spot Monty at first. Then I saw him sitting with Charlie and he didn’t look like he was interested in me at all. Not even a little? Wasn’t he curious about what I was doing here? Obviously not.

Someone tapped me on my shoulder and I almost jumped out of my skin. I turned around, away from the table. “Um. Hey?” I said when Zach smiled at me nervously. He usually sat with the football team so I wasn’t expecting him to want to sit with me. Though I won’t deny that I liked it that he wanted to spend time with me. 

“Hey,” Zach said and he walked around the table so he could sit opposite me. Once again. I had to turn my body to face him. “I know you’re new to this and it’s usually Tyler here so if there’s anything I can help you with-”

“I’m fine, I swear,” I said but I couldn’t stop smiling because of how sweet he was. Straight away, my mind was going to those places where I think ‘he likes me’ straight away but I thought that about every single guy who looked at me and I had to tell myself that Zach was just being nice.

“Alright, that’s good,” he said and he smiled before turning his head at an angle like he wanted to look behind him but didn’t want to make it obvious. I’d know, I’ve done it plenty of times when I saw a cute guy I didn’t want to creep out by staring.

I tried to see what Zach was trying to look at but I looked away straight after Monty started me down. He didn’t look happy and I was wondering what got him in a bad mood again. He was always walking around pissed now. 

“How did you find the bio test?” Zach asked me, once again getting my attention. The test was the day before and I was freaking out about it all day but Zach’s help actually did me a lot of good. 

“It was alright,” I told him and then I realised maybe that wasn’t the best response I could have given him after he spent most of his evening trying to help me out. “I… I think I did well? Couldn’t have done it without you.” I wouldn’t know until I got my results back but still, I would have tanked it if it wasn’t for Zach.

He smiled at me and stayed with me while we waited for the coach to tell us that the bus was ready. Zach was a little bit awkward but not as awkward as Alex (no one could be as awkward as him), if there was a second of silence then he immediately thought of something new to say and that’s how our conversation kept going.

Eventually, we were told that we could get on the bus even though we were missing one player. But if we didn’t set off then we’d have been late for the game. I was so nervous I almost forgot to get my camera but Zach reminded me about it. He walked by my side as we headed for the bus. Monty and his little gang were walking behind us and I immediately tensed up. He didn’t do anything though.

Zach sat next to me on the bus and as much as I liked not having to look like a loner, I wouldn’t have minded sitting alone. The bus was overcrowded and noisy with Monty, Charlie and Diego making the most noise. They were sat behind me and Zach and all they did was talk about football and sex. Monty was really talking like he enjoyed sex with the opposite gender even though he straight-up admitted that he couldn’t even get hard for girls. 

They quietened down about thirty minutes after we set off and Zach was asleep on my shoulder. First it was just his head but then he leaned over and fell into my lap. He was heavy and I tried to push him off but every time I moved, he grunted and held onto me even tighter.

“Aww look at them!” Charlie said and I know that he wasn’t trying to be mean, he found it cute. Monty didn’t.

“I’d rather not, I’d like to keep my breakfast down,” he said coldly and I blushed. I really hated Monty sometimes, I understood why he did what he did but that didn’t mean that his comments didn’t upset me. He could learn to keep his mouth shut because it hurt and reminded me of all that bullying I once had to go through right after I came out. At least I had Scott then.

Most of the guys fell asleep a while after, the coach said they needed their strength for the game but their best player wasn’t taking the advice. Monty sat there, playing some stupid shooting game on his phone. All I could hear behind me was Charlie’s light snoring and the sound of gunshots from Monty’s phone. I slowly turned my head to catch a glimpse of him but his eyes were fixed on the screen. 

Justin was awake too, he was sitting with Diego and although Diego was asleep, Justin was on his phone and it looked like he was texting. I promised myself that I’d try to sit with Justin on the journey back for both of our sakes.

Nothing really happened during the ride, Monty was ignoring me and I was ignoring him. The way it should have been. When we got to the venue I found out that we were playing the ‘Panthers’, what was up with all the football teams naming themselves after animals?

Coach was explaining something but I didn’t listen, it didn’t apply to me because I wasn’t there to play and I was more worried about how I was going to wake Zach up. I didn’t have to worry about it for long.

As soon as the guys were getting off the bus, Monty stood up and wacked Zach on the back of the head. “Wake up dickhead,” he said and then he walked away like nothing happened. Charlie went after him laughing. If he was jealous because I sat with Zach he could have just said so. All of this could have been over if he simply apologised.

The ‘Panthers’ had a red coloured kit, I saw two of their players out on the pitch talking to some girls in the audience. The guys were taken to the locker room and Coach told me to go out onto the field, find a ‘nice space’ and be prepared to take pictures as soon as they walk out. 

I stood there for what seemed like hours until my fingers froze. They turned to ice like they could snap at any moment. But I clutched onto my camera and the second I saw the team I was ready. If I was doing this I was gonna make sure I did the best I could. 

I had some good shots of Zach, some of Diego and a few of Charlie. Justin was on the field for a few minutes so I managed to take one or two photos of him too. 

With ten minutes left of the game, I realised that I hadn’t taken any photos of Monty. I was actually trying my best to avoid him so every time he was in my shot I froze. I knew I’d have to explain myself as to why I hadn’t taken any photos of the best player on the field. Our team was winning and it was mainly because of Zach and Monty.

So I forced myself to focus on Monty. I followed him around with my camera and took a photo whenever I could. Then I got distracted by Zach once again. I couldn’t help it, he looked good and it was better to focus on him than having to pretend that Monty wasn’t the hottest guy on the field.

I remembered him coming to the maths classroom in his football gear, asking me how it was going and then sliding his fingers in my mouth... My heavy breathing formed condensation in the air and I held onto the camera as if that would actually help to support me. My knees felt weak and then I looked up. Monty was standing on the field, not even close to me but I could see his eyes looking straight at me.

I felt like he could see everything. Right inside my head. That he knew what I was thinking about. But I could do that too. So I didn’t look away. I stared back just like he did, trying to figure him out. He did things out of fear and loyalty. Mostly out of fear. And every time I thought I had him figured out, he just proved me wrong.

Monty looked away first. Someone shouted his name and he lightly shook his head. He gave me one last glance, he turned away and he walked back towards Charlie without looking back.

***

I just wanted to get back on the bus, sit in one of the seats closest to the door and wait for everyone else to get here. Obviously they won and Monty was their star which meant that they’d be in the locker room celebrating for God knows how long. 

I turned the corner, headed for the parking lot and I saw the bus in the distance. My nose was runny, my fingers were cold and all I wanted was to get into that bus where it was warm. I wouldn't even mind Zach snuggling up to me. 

It was too dark to see properly but as I got closer, I saw that someone was standing next to the bus. I thought it was the coach at first but why wouldn't he be with the team? So when I got closer I finally saw who it was and my blood ran cold. 

I just couldn't get away from him. I was thinking about turning back and hiding in the locker room until it was time to go back home. Then he turned his head and he saw me. That was that. He didn't know what to say and I didn't know what to say. So we stood there staring blankly at each other like two idiots. 

"What?" He frowned at my harsh tone. What did he expect after how he treated me? I wanted him to know I could stand up for myself. 

I dared to take a step forward, he had his back against the bus so he couldn't go anywhere. Usually, I was on the receiving end of this but seeing Monty stiffen and swallow nervously was just as fun. Of course, it was much easier for Monty to pretend that he wasn't nervous than it was for me. He's been pretending his whole life. 

"Wanna go somewhere with me?" he asked casually and I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or tell him all the billion reasons why I wouldn't. First of all, this conversation should have started with an apology. 

I glared at him, crossed my arms over my chest almost automatically. "You wanna try that again?"

He scoffed and looked away. "I'm… sorry for what I said," he whispered like it hurt him to apologize. He didn't even give me a second to appreciate his apology. "So you wanna go somewhere with me or not?"

I was already preparing myself to say no. First of all, we were meant to be going home soon, we were in a place we've never been in before and Monty was a dick to me all week, why should I say yes? Maybe because I'm not thinking with my head. 

"Fine, suit yourself," Monty muttered when I didn't answer him. I was on the verge of saying yes and he started to walk away from me. Impatience was going to be the death of him one day. "I'll just go by myself."

"Wait, Monty! What are you-" I called after him and so he stopped. "You can't leave right now, everyone's gonna be looking for you!" It was so fucking frustrating to deal with him and his selfishness. So many people could get in trouble if he just decided to walk off. And he didn't care. 

"Let them look," he said with a shrug and then he just walked away. Like it was that easy. Seriously, why was no one keeping an eye on him? 

I had two options. I could either stay here and let someone know that Monty left or I could go with him. And if I went with him, I wouldn't worry so much. At least I'd know where he is and I'd know that he's safe. Then I could convince him to go back. Maybe I can convince him right now.

"Monty! Wait!" 

“What?” he snapped at me when he turned around. 

“Don’t go, just get on the bus. Everyone will be worried about you,” I tried to tell him. For a second I thought it worked and then-

“Fuck off!” And then I watched him walk away from me knowing that I messed up. He was nothing but trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... let's just say that a lot of things are gonna happen in the next few chapters  
> hope you enjoyed this one :)


	12. The First Kiss

**Chapter Twelve**

So I may have ran after him. 

Like the idiot I was.

And Monty looked so smug when I joined him. I was freaking out, wondering how much trouble we were gonna be in once they find out we left but Monty didn’t look worried one bit. He may have actually been grinning as we walked through the streets together with no idea where we’re going or what we were doing. He just liked that I picked him. Don’t know why I did.

I took the camera with me because I didn’t have the time to put it away. Monty tried to take it from me (probably to take some dumb photos) but I told him to fuck off and he left me alone. I just wasn’t in the mood for any more of his amazing ideas.

“Where the hell are we even going?” I asked breaking the silence. I was starting to regret going with him. I knew I was gonna be in so much fucking trouble. All for him.

“Woah, why the fuck are you mad at  _ me? _ No one forced you to come with me,” Monty said and he glared at me. “If you wanna go then fuck off, I didn’t ask you to come along so you could piss me off.” He picked up the pace and walked a few steps in front of me. So now it was my fault for some reason. Monty just always somehow managed to twist everything so he’d be the victim. It took skill.

So we walked on in silence. I didn’t leave him because… he definitely wasn’t in the right state of mind to be left alone. I didn’t want him to do anything stupid and then feel responsible for it.

Maybe I was just overthinking it but it appeared that Monty knew his way around this town. He just… He seemed so confident with every step he took while I was trailing along like a lost puppy. Monty stopped after a few minutes and he turned around to face me. “Are you hungry?” he asked and then he rolled his eyes. If he didn’t care then why was he asking?

“No,” I snapped at him and he sighed loudly.

“I’m just asking,” he muttered and then silence. We stood in the middle of the empty sidewalk, he looked at his feet and then back up at me. This time his tone wasn’t as harsh. “Are you hungry? I am, let’s get some food.” He didn’t even give me time to answer which I didn’t mind. I wasn’t gonna admit to Monty that I actually was hungry because the last meal I ate was breakfast. I skipped lunch because I wasn’t hungry so the next meal I was gonna get was to be boarding school except Monty wasn’t planning on going back yet. Was he planning on  _ ever _ going back?

"Where did you get the money from?" I asked when he took out a bundle of cash from his pocket. Crumpled banknotes. He looked up at me and scoffed.

"Stole it. Obviously." He rolled his eyes when I looked at him like he had just told me he killed someone. "I'm just kidding. This motherfucker bet me before the game. Won forty dollars." He grinned smugly and then he patted my shoulder like I've seen him do a million times to Diego or Charlie. 

We were about to start walking again when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and there it was. Justin's name on my screen. 

"Don't answer it," Monty said, looking me right in the eye. I didn't know what to do, there was a reason why Justin was calling but Monty looked like he really needed me to ignore the call. So I did. "Great, now let's get food."

He threw his arm over my shoulder and stirred me towards the direction of this fast-food restaurant. Mom and dad never really let me eat junk food because they said it was bad for you. I decided that I wasn’t gonna eat this trash but the second we walked inside and I smelled what the food was like, I didn't care what was in it anymore. 

Monty's arm on my shoulder felt heavy and it was more than weird having him touch me without worrying about someone seeing and calling him gay. To anyone who saw us, we appeared to be friends. No one knew us in this town. 

Or so I thought. 

Monty removed his arm from my shoulder when he went to order. I stayed back. There were two other men in the restaurant. One a middle-aged man and another was a much older guy. Both of them stared at me like I was the odd one there. 

"The fuck are you staring at?" Monty snapped at them as he walked back towards me. "Creeps." My body stiffened but Monty didn't seem bothered in the slightest. It was like he  _ wanted _ trouble. He didn't care about the possible consequences. 

We waited for our food and Monty kept glancing at me. Justin called several more times so he told me to turn my phone off, I knew that this wasn't a good idea at all. Monty was too careless.

"You look like you're gonna be puke," he said but when I looked up, instead of looking like he was mocking me, he looked concerned. 

"I feel like it too," I answered. What was up with Monty suddenly caring about me? Just a few hours before he hated me for pretty much breathing the same air as him. 

"Have you never skipped school before?" And he went back to his teasing. He gave me a light push and I shoved him back twice as hard. He raised an eyebrow at me. This wasn't like skipping school. It was more like running away and that weird feeling in my stomach was back. 

"What, erm, what happens when we go back?" I asked Monty and he shrugged like he didn't really give a shit. I knew that the school probably already contacted my parents and I was gonna be in a shit tone of trouble. All because of Monty. 

"Dunno. Maybe they'll suspend us," he said and he didn't notice how pale I looked. "Oh, our food is done." And he left me to get the food. Maybe they'll suspend us. That was his answer. And he didn't seem bothered at all. 

"You  _ want  _ o get kicked out, don't you?" I asked him once we were out of there and he already had his hand in the box of fries. It scared me a little, how careless he was. He didn't seem to care about anything at all. 

Monty shrugged again with his mouth full. "And what if I do?" Then he paused to look around and he swallowed his fries. "Let's go this way." It really meant nothing to him. Not a thing. 

I tried to bring it up again and ask him why he wanted to get in trouble but he just passed a box of fries to me and told me to do less talking and more eating. 

There was something I noticed, he definitely knew his way around this town. It wasn't just that he was confident, he definitely knew this place. I didn't know if I could bring it up or if Monty would snap at me again. I decided to at least wait until he was finished eating because then he'd be in a good mood. Hungry Monty wasn't someone I wanted to deal with. 

I didn't eat much, I couldn't. I felt sick just thinking about Justin and the team and… how worried they would be. Maybe we’ll get suspended. I turned my phone on without Monty knowing. I just needed to let Justin know I was okay. But it wasn't just Justin who was texting me anymore, I had messages from Zach and even one from Charlie who must have asked Zach for my number. My stomach dropped. Strangely, I didn’t have any missed calls from my mother.

"M-maybe we should go back," I stammered. Monty immediately stopped in his tracks and he raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you such a fucking pussy? We're already in trouble so stop worrying and we might as well have fun for now. Right?" There was something different about him. It was that way ever since the day he told me that he was bored of me. He wasn't acting like himself, it was more like he was putting on a show. But maybe he was right in a way. 

"Okay then what do we do for fun?" I asked and Monty's expression immediately changed. I hated him. I really fucking hated him. He made me feel so weak sometimes, like I couldn't even have my own opinion and I had to agree with him on everything. I hated how he made me feel. And I also hated that I wanted to help him because something had clearly messed with his head and he was acting out because of it. 

"Do you trust me?"

"Not one bit."

It was the exact same question he asked just before he fucked me for the first time and it was all rushing back to me. It wasn't just about the sex anymore. Monty was so much more than that. So much more complicated. 

He smiled. "You wouldn't be here right now if you didn't trust me at least a little bit."

Monty stopped to throw away his empty container of food. I did the same. The streets were dark, an occasional car passed us and then we got to this narrow staircase that Monty didn't hesitate to walk down. I was in the dark with him in some sketchy place in the middle of nowhere. My heart was this close to giving up on me but I went after him like I always did. 

There were more and more and more stairs until we got to a dark tunnel that seemed to stretch on forever. Monty took out his phone to use the flashlight and he lit the way for us with it.

"Wow, another dark creepy place," I commented. "Got any more of those you wanna take me to?" Monty chuckled to himself but he sounded a little… nervous? Dark creepy places were definitely his thing. Underground ones. 

He walked down the dark tunnel and I had no choice but to follow him. He was the one with the flashlight and I was terrified to take my phone out because of the million texts I was getting. 

"So you know you're way around here… " I stated the obvious. Monty slowed down. I thought he was going to shrug, give me some excuse or something but he didn't. He didn't say a word for about two minutes as we continued walking. 

"You, uh, about two miles from here is my dad's house. I grew up here. I mean… before he sent me off," he said without looking my way. His dad's house. Justin told me he looked up to his dad. And the football team, Monty must have known some of them from when he lived here. No wonder he was already making bets with them after five minutes of being here. 

"Oh. So at least we're not gonna get lost," I said. I didn't know if I could mention his dad or ask questions so I went with the safe option. 

“Yeah… we won’t,” Monty agreed and then he turned the corner. Another dark tunnel. He glanced at me and then he shone his phone in the distance. "We need to get up that ladder now."

A dirty dark ladder. I shuddered. "I see you have a thing for creepy places." First that underground thing at school and then the tunnel. 

"And you have a thing for me but you don't see me rubbing it in your face," he bit back with an eye roll. I blushed. 

"A thing for you?" 

"Mhm, you wouldn't be here if you didn't," he nudged me with his elbow and then gave me a smug grin. "And then the birthday card too. Are you in love with me Winn?" Of course he'd think I was in love with him. Monty and his inflated ego. 

"Yes, so in love with you," I said at which he chuckled. "What's there not to love?"

"Watch it," Monty warned me and then we got to the ladder. He put his hands on one of the railings and then turned to me. "You wanna go up first or should I?" 

I quickly weighed out my options. Either let Monty go first and stay here in the dark or go first and get out on the other side of God knows where. I made my choice. I put one hand on the metal. It was a little rusty.

Monty watched as I went up the ladder and then there was this old metal door touching the top of my head. "Push it," Monty instructed so while one hand held onto the railing, I pushed at the door with my other hand. It lifted above my head letting me crawl out of this tunnel. 

I looked around and I couldn't see much. Another dark space. Monty shouted at me to hurry up. I left the door open for him and waited as he claimed up the ladder in only a few seconds. 

"Shit, okay." He wiped his hands on his pants and then he looked me up and down. "You wanna keep going?" I didn't know what he meant but we already came all this way that it seemed stupid to stop and turn back now. I nodded. 

_ Where exactly are we going? _ The question was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't ask. We walked through the dark room that soon became clear when Monty shone his phone around. An old warehouse. Isolated. I glanced at him every few seconds but his expression never gave anything away. He could abandon me here and I wouldn't know where I was. No one would know where I was. 

"So… " Monty stopped by this giant metal door. He looked at me and sighed. "Help me open this thing." He pulled at the door and I helped. And after a lot of struggling, there it was. A pier. Looking right ahead onto a river. 

Monty didn't say a word. He wasn't talkative anymore, all he did was take one look at me and walk right out of that warehouse. He approached the mental fence separating him from the water, clung onto it and then he bowed his head. 

"You okay?" I asked and then he laughed. A humourless laugh. But the second he looked back up again, he wiped his cheek. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" I took a few uncertain steps towards him. He was breathing in and out shakily. I had no idea why he had gotten like this. I stood next to him and I reached out towards him, put my hand on his shoulder like a friend would. Because even if I didn't really like him at this exact moment, I hated seeing him like this. 

"Why did you… why did we come here?" I didn’t believe that he came here because he wanted to cause trouble or ‘have fun’ like he said he did. Maybe I did before but I could see that this was something more. There was a reason behind what he was doing.

“You see this piece of shit fence?” Monty asked while tugging at it like he was checking how sturdy it was. I nodded unsurely and I took my hand away. “Yeah well, it wasn’t always here.” He shook his head at me and then sighed. He wanted to tell me more. I was gonna interrupt him.

Monty took one look at me and he licked his bottom lip. “I’m gonna tell you something and the second it comes out of my mouth you’re gonna forget I ever said it.” 

“Okay.” A short answer that made him relax. 

“I… When I was a kid, my dad used to take me and my sister here,” he told me, still looking out over the water. “And one day we went without him. And… she fell. In the water.” He paused and I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down. His voice was low like he didn’t want anyone else to hear even though we were clearly the only ones left here. What he was saying… I had an idea of what he was trying to tell me.

“And-and… You asked why I’m so fucking obsessed with all those tunnels well… I hid in that fucking tunnel for two fucking days because I- I fucking-” He chocked out a sob and quickly brought his hand up to his mouth. I tried to reach out to him again but the second my fingertips brushed over his shoulder he violently shrugged me off. “Don’t.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “Sorry…” All I could do was hope that Monty wouldn’t take it to heart like he always did. I didn’t… I was trying to comfort him, that’s all.

“So I fucking hid in that tunnel because I knew my dad was gonna fucking kill me,” he said with no tone to his voice like it was not a big deal. 

I saw Monty’s knuckles turn white from how hard he was grabbing onto the metal. I held my breath because anything could set Monty off. “And then he sent me away to this fucking boarding school. Fucking bullshit.” Monty breathed in sharply and then he was on his way again, walking down the pier and not back to the warehouse where we came from.

“Monty!” I tried calling after him but he acted like he didn’t hear me. “Monty!” I ran after him, grabbed his arm because I didn’t know how else to stop him. At least it worked.

_ “What?”  _ he snapped at me. First he chose to open up to me and then he walked away. I didn’t know where to start with him. Clearly Monty needed to see someone and by someone, I mean a therapist. I couldn’t be the one to help him.

“I… So what now? Are you just gonna walk away? Where are you gonna go?” I questioned him. He wasn’t in the right mindset to be making decisions and I knew I did the right thing by going with him. 

“I don’t know, okay?” he shouted at me as he frantically carded his fingers through his messy hair. "Can't you fucking see that I'm a  _ wreck? _ Why are you here with me? Why are you still fucking _ worrying  _ about me? Just let me go, okay? Let me fuck up like I always do!" We stood facing each other for a moment and then he tried to walk away from me again. I managed to grab his arm just in time.

“Please don’t leave.” He exhaled shakily while his eyes locked on mine. I knew I had him then. He was listening to me. “Let’s just… go back to school and we can explain, okay?” Monty’s expression hardened, going back wasn’t something he wanted to do. “Please? I’m really fucking worried about you right now. I don’t care what you say, Monty, I’m always gonna worry about you.”

He looked at me and his mouth opened but he didn’t say a word. Nothing. He looked down at my lips and I was waiting for him to shrug me off. That’s not what he did. He put one hand on the side of my face and then he leaned in. Monty kissed me. Not like he did all those other times but exactly how I wanted him to. Slow and soft and sweet… And then it was over. 

I know we’ve kissed plenty of times before. We did more than just kiss. But those times were nothing compared to this. This was our first kiss.

"Fine. I'll go back to school with you. Whatever. Call them,” Monty said quietly. He took a step back and looked down at his shoes. “And then I never want you to talk to me ever again. I don't wanna be your friend or anything more, anything less. I don't like you. Got it?" 

I was too shocked to do anything but nod. I wanted to help him, he knew that and he was pushing me away even more. I guess that’s just who he was.

***

No one was in the mood for celebrations even though our team won. The bus was silent, everyone was trying to fall asleep. Monty and I were gone for over an hour which meant that we were going to get back to school much later than intended.

And even though Monty didn’t go alone, everyone blamed him. I called Justin to let him know what street we were on after walking away from the pier. The bus picked us up and while Coach let me go in without any problems, he and Monty stayed outside for about ten minutes. 

The bus driver turned up the radio but everyone could hear them shouting over the music. According to Justin, this wasn’t the first time Monty pulled something like this. He walked into the bus with his head hung low and he sat all the way at the front next to the coach. 

Charlie and Diego were sitting behind me and Justin, they kept asking me where we went and what happened. Everyone was worried and looking to me for answers until Justin told them all to go away because I was ‘tired’. Even Zach, who was sat alone, texted me and asked me if I was okay. I said I was fine. And everyone left me alone until we got back to school. 

Before letting us off the bus, coach told us not to say a word about this because he didn’t want to risk losing his job over ‘a dumb kid thinking he can do whatever he wants’. Ouch. And it wasn’t even directed at me. So we all agreed to say that we were late because there was a problem with the bus. 

If we had stayed there for a minute longer they would have called the principal and had him contact parents.

“Winston! Win- Wait!” I set off as soon as I could while the guys had to get their gear. I just needed to make sure I still had my camera around my neck and then I started walking away with my hands in my pockets.

“Winston!” Justin blocked my way by standing in front of me and he scoffed. “What the hell is wrong with you? You don’t have to ignore me.” I kind of did when I knew that he would want to talk about Monty. Just like everyone else did. 

“Look, I’m exhausted and I wanna go to bed,” I sighed. Monty… He made me need to rest. First he told me what was probably the worst moment of his life, then he kissed me and lastly he told me to never speak to him ever again. I just wanted him to know that he didn’t have to deal with everything alone like he always did. He could count on me if only he let himself be vulnerable. 

“Fine,” Justin huffed and then one of the guys called him over as they were getting their bags from the bus. “But we’ll talk in our room.” He waited until I nodded and then he left me. I looked around for Monty but he was nowhere to be found. Neither was the coach. 

No one seemed to notice that we were almost two hours late. I walked inside, only Jess and Sheri said hi to me and then I went upstairs. Laying in my bed, I had all those questions filling my head. All of them about Monty. Like why did he tell me that? Why did he kiss me? Why did he do  _ anything? _

I wanted to text him, ask if he was okay, if he was gonna be in trouble for this. But of course he blocked me after that time I didn’t go to his room. So if I wanted to talk to him, I’d have no choice but to go to his room and I knew he’d be pissed if I did that.

“So?” Justin interrupted before I had the chance to consider going to Monty’s room. He closed the door behind himself and then he looked at me. “Tell me what happened because I swear if you two left us to go fuck somewhere then-”

“Justin!” Yeah of course he was pissed but he didn’t have to say things like that out loud for anyone to hear. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled and then he sat down on my bed with me. “Sorry I just wish you would have answered my texts. I was really fucking worried so…” Justin shrugged.

“And I was worried about Monty,” I said quietly. He was the whole reason why I went in the first place. “So I’m sorry for ignoring you but… Monty needed me.” I waited for Justin’s response. I didn’t expect him to understand but I just needed him to say we were good. He nodded.

“Yeah, alright,” he said and then he sighed. “But I’m your friend and I know that Monty can be… a handful. So I don’t want you to be keeping shit like this from me. If there’s anything I can do…”

I never thought that Justin and I could be  _ those  _ kind of friends but it turns out we were. And it was nice to have someone like that around because Scott couldn’t help if he was a couple of states away. Justin could.

“Thanks.” I looked down at my shoes. There was something I wanted to say but I didn’t know if I could admit it to another person yet. I knew that Monty would laugh at me if he heard but… Not Justin. “I-I think I like him,” I said and Justin didn’t raise an eyebrow, didn’t scoff, didn’t laugh. He just listened. “I don't know… I know he’s not perfect but he’s not a bad person.” Maybe I wanted Justin to disagree with me and tell me that Monty was a ‘wreck’ as he called himself. Then I wouldn’t have to stay hung up on him forever if I was sure that it wasn’t worth it.

“He is a good person,” Justin said, patting my shoulder gently. “He just doesn’t know how to show it sometimes.”

I took a deep breath. If Justin could see what I saw, I needed his advice on something. “He told me to never speak to him again.”

“Why?” Justin looked just as confused as me. 

“He opened up to me and I told him that I… I told him that I worry about him all the time. So then he…” Kissed me. And it was the best kiss I ever had. For once I thought maybe this could become something more than just sex.

“Oh,” Justin said and then he rolled his eyes. “You tell Monty that and you may as well tell him to stay away from you. He doesn’t like it when people worry about him.”

“But the team-”

“The team looks after Monty,” Justin interrupted me. “And Monty looks after the team. That’s different from worrying.” I got it, Monty just thought he was this guy who didn’t need anyone. Could take care of himself. With his personality, it was a recipe for disaster.

***

Monty stuck to his promise. A week passed and he didn’t so much as look my way. It was like I didn’t even exist because he never acknowledged me whenever I was in the same room as him. 

The weekend was the worst. I thought I’d have a moment to speak to him when Zach was out but it turned out that Monty was out too. He was doing something for Coach to make up for running off with me like that and surprisingly I didn’t have to face any consequences. I felt guilty for it so I spent the weekend by doing school work and developing the photographs I took at the football game. 

Just looking at them and seeing Monty… I realised that I missed him. Even when he acted like an asshole, it was better than being ignored. I never told him that I was sorry about his sister though he would have probably thrown me into the river if I did. 

Then Monday came. 

“My parents are gonna be so pissed if I get below sixty,” Justin complained and then he smiled to himself. “Or I need to get below fifty so I get kicked off the team.” For some reason, we had a new seating arrangement in biology and it ended up so that I was partnered with Justin. I thought I’d be distracted but it was actually much better than sitting with Tyler and having to awkwardly decide who was doing what when we had to dissect that frog that one time. We never did it.

“If I get more than zero I’ll be happy,” I said and Justin grinned. 

“I’m sure Zach’s tutoring helped.” Yeah and then Monty came into the room and knocked my confidence down by three hundred percent. 

I thought seating right behind Monty would only cause trouble, having to stare at the back of his head for almost an hour and being able to smell his cologne every time I leaned forward but it had its perks. When the teacher was handing back our results, I could clearly see that Monty got an eighty-two. So he wasn’t stupid like he wanted everyone else to believe. 

Sheri was sitting next to Monty and the two barely said a word next to each other. If they did talk, it was either Sheri telling Monty to move his shit from her space or Monty telling her to fuck off. The teacher had no idea what he was doing by putting them next to each other. 

“What’d you get?” Sheri asked Justin when she turned around, I hadn’t gotten my paper yet so she didn’t ask me.

“Sixty-eight,” Justin sighed and then he bit his bottom lip. “Eh, good enough.” But Justin still wanted to quit the team. 

While Sheri and Justin had their conversation over who was better because they got the same score, I stared at the clock. Two minutes until the lesson ended, then I would be out of there with my exam score. No one would have to know how badly I failed.

The two minutes passed and the bell rang. I looked around and everyone else had their paper which is when I spotted Tyler and Charlie sitting together. Tyler and Charlie together? That was not gonna work well at all.

“Winston, could I talk to you for a second?” I heard the teacher ask and I immediately turned back to him. Everyone else was already leaving the class and Justin gave me a pat on the shoulder.

“Good luck,” he whispered because he, like everyone else, assumed that I had fucked up on the exam. Big time.

I sat in my seat, nervously bouncing my leg under the desk while the last person left the room. The teacher was holding a test paper in his hands. He stopped in front of my desk and he placed it down in front of me. Seventy-two percent. I actually had to double-check if it had my name on it. God knows, maybe he confused me with another student or something. But no, this was my paper. A grade B+. 

I looked up at him wondering why he kept me back for this. Did he think I cheated to get this score? I would have thought so. 

"Well done," he said with a smile. "It's a really good score. You should be proud of yourself, it’s a big improvement from the last one." I _ was _ proud of myself. I really was because who would have thought I'd have it in me. And I needed to thank Zach. 

I was gonna do it at home but the minute I walked out of that classroom, Zach called for me. He was standing by the lockers with a bunch of other guys from the team. Including Monty. He was the only one who didn't look my way. 

"Seventy-two percent," I told Zach when he asked. 

His eyes widened. "Holy shit, that's amazing!" He didn't hesitate, the second I smiled he wrapped his arms around me and picked me up like I weighed nothing. He spun me around and I let out a nervous laugh knowing that pretty much everyone was looking at us. And there was only one thing you could infer from seeing us together. 

"Oh, wow," I said when he put me down. He was strong and sweet and intelligent and-

And Monty was looking at us. Staring. Glaring. It was only for a second that his eyes met mine but I could tell he was pissed off. And then he looked away. 

Zach was talking to me but I couldn't take my eyes off Monty. Monty was jealous and that wasn't something I expected from him. Finally after all those weeks, he showed me that he cared. Even if only a little bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and i know everything must be confusing right about now but that's the point. as this is written from winston's pov, he's confused too and everything will be explained sooner or later


	13. Crumbling Down

**Chapter Thirteen**

“Why don’t you go first, Winston?” Mrs Jensen asked giving me a warm smile. I looked around nervously. Justin gave me a small nod, Sheri smiled and then I saw Monty. He was looking away and he hadn’t said a word to me all week. Not since he saw Zach hugging me in the corridor. 

“I guess I… I did really well on my biology exam. So I’m proud of that,” I said and my palms started to sweat. Wednesdays always gave me so much anxiety - we had to sit down and say what we were proud of ourselves for. I never knew what to say. For once, I felt okay because I thought it was something that I should be proud of. Then Monty scoffed.

“Well done, that’s-”

“My turn,” Monty interrupted Mrs Jensen. He glanced at Charlie and then sat up properly. Here it comes. “I’m proud of myself for not beating that little twerp Standall to a pulp after-”

“Monty!” He immediately stopped grinning when Mrs Jensen stood up from her armchair. The living room turned strangely quiet as everyone looked around awkwardly, we’ve never seen her look this angry before. “If you’re not gonna take this seriously then why don’t you go up to your room instead of ruining it for everyone else?” 

Monty hesitated and then he rolled his eyes. “This is bullshit anyway.” Then he stood up and left just like Mrs Jensen told him to. We heard him walking up the stairs, stomping his feet like a child. Worse than a child. And no one cared because that’s what they expected from Monty.

As soon as that was over, I tried to sneak upstairs but Justin stopped me. "Woah, someone’s in a hurry, where are you going?" He grabbed my elbow and raised an eyebrow. Yeah, he saw right through me.

"Just… upstairs. Bathroom," I said. Justin and some of the others (including Zach) were going out to meet up with guys from the football team to play a casual football game since they didn't have training on Wednesday. I only knew because Justin tried to get me to join them. 

"Bathroom? Don't you mean Monty's room?" Justin let go of my arm and I looked down at my feet. "I'm not judging," he added quietly. "Just don't let him hurt you." 

But that was all I let him do. I couldn't help myself, just needed to make sure he was okay. 

"Thanks," I muttered and then went up the stairs before anyone else could see me. One step forward, two steps forward… I was standing behind Monty's door. 

He wouldn’t wanna talk to me, he made it clear that he wanted me to leave him alone but. But. 

I’ll just check in on him and then I’ll go back to my room, I told myself. He wasn’t  _ really _ mad at me. He didn’t know what he wanted. Neither did I.

However, Monty wasn’t in his room. All that time I took to mentally prepare myself to knock was for nothing because I waited and I opened the door and… the room was empty. No sign of Monty anywhere. 

She clearly told him to go up to his room, we  _ heard _ him go up to his room. No, we only heard him stomping on the stairs.

So I went back to my room already thinking the worst. He must have gone somewhere but I told myself that he’d be back soon. There was no need to worry.

I was sat on my bed for about half an hour, just wondering where he could have gone when it dawned on me. Monty loved those hidden dark places, there was only one place like that in school and I knew exactly where it was. 

Even though I still hadn’t completely gotten over my fear of the dark, a few minutes later I was walking down the path, heading straight for Monty’s secret hiding space and keeping my head down so Justin or Zach wouldn’t recognise me. They were playing football on the field, it would all be over if they spotted me. I knew I needed to be discreet.

I didn’t take much with me, just a blanket, some food (it would be easier to get through to him if I bribed him with food) and my phone so my backpack was light.

I didn’t have any trouble finding the door to Monty’s secret hiding place. I tapped my foot like Monty did before to find the door and then pulled at it until it finally opened It wasn’t an easy job. The door was heavy and I wasn’t Monty, I didn’t have his upper body strength. 

When it did open, I quickly wiped my hands on my jeans, they were already gonna get dirty from the dust inside that basement so I didn’t care much for my clothes. Monty was more important. 

What is he’s not in there?

I pushed that thought away as I lowered myself into the opening in the ground. He has to be there, I told myself. I  _ know _ him, of course he’ll be there.

And he was.

“What do you want?” Monty asked as soon as my feet hit the concrete. He was sitting on the ground with his legs stretched out in front of him, his back against the wall covered in cobwebs and a book in his hands. 

He tried to look nonchalant but didn’t succeed. No, I could see that he was surprised and maybe even a little pleased as his eyes scanned my form. Maybe he preferred to be alone but I saw that look in his eye, like he wanted me to stay with him.

“Hey,” I said simply, taking a few steps towards him. My words hung in the air for a couple of seconds before Monty decided to answer.

“Hey.” He looked away, back at his book so he could ignore me. So he wouldn’t have to look at me as I sat down opposite him on the dirty concrete ground. 

“I got you something to eat,” I continued after clearing my throat. Monty glanced at me and though he didn’t say a word, I saw the smile tugging at his lips. He couldn’t try to pretend anymore. We were alone.

I looked through my backpack in silence, searching for the bacon sandwiches I made for him. I wasn’t a cook but… I tried my best. Each one was wrapped in cling film separately and as I held the first sandwich towards Monty, he put his book on the floor, leaned forward and took it from my hand. He looked at me for a little too long - like he wanted to say thank you but the words were still unfamiliar to him. I just smiled at him.

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, he ate while reading his book and I inched closer and closer towards him every few seconds. By the time I was sat directly next to him, he still didn’t say a word. Gently, I placed my head on his shoulder and Monty frozen.

Still nothing. 

He just turned his head, glanced at me and went back to reading. I stole a look at the book title (an excuse to move even closer to him) and then read it out loud, “The Green Mile.” I haden’t heard of it but I knew the author, he was the guy who wrote all those horror books that my mom loved to read. “Is it scary?”

Monty chuckled. It was like he was a completely different person compared to the guy who sat in the living room just an hour or so before. I liked this Monty better. 

“No,” he answered shortly, scrunched up the foil and threw it into the darkness of the basement. 

It was colder in here than it was outside, I shivered and I remembered about he blanket but moving to get it would mean taking my head off Monty’s shoulder. He felt me shiver anyway and immediately took his eyes off the book. 

“You’re ignoring me,” I said before Monty could ask whatever he was about to ask. Yeah, he told me to never speak to him again but… How could I? It was hard enough having to deal with him pretending I didn’t exist. 

Monty scoffed and he moved his shoulder to shrug me off. I took my head away. "I'm not ignoring you. I was just busy. With football." he muttered while starting in the opposite direction. 

"Okay," I said not wanting to piss him off. I even… I even avoided Zach as best as I could so I wouldn't upset Monty. Maybe it wasn't jealousy but he certainly didn't like me hanging out with Zach. 

"Do you have any more food?" Monty asked after a couple of seconds passed. I nodded. After I gave him the second sandwich, I took out the blanket and wrapped it around myself. Monty raised an eyebrow. 

"What?"

"It's not even cold," he said with his mouth full. There he was trying to act tough again. 

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes as Monty went back to reading his book. Still sitting close to him but not touching, I tried to think of a way to get his attention again. What could I say to him without pissing him off?

My heart thudded in my chest remembering what Monty told me about his sister. I wanted to talk to him about it, ask if he was okay and… no, I couldn't tell him I liked him. There was a pit in my stomach, I knew he’d push me away even more if he knew. 

"Did you get in trouble for running off with me?" I asked quietly. It was a casual start, just easing into it slowly. I didn't take my eyes off him. 

"Yeah," he replied. If only he could actually explain his answers - it would make my life a little easier. I guess vague question only got me vague answers. I knew I was playing with fire but it was the only way I could think of. 

"What was her name? Your sister," I said and Monty stared at me with a hardened expression. He definitely wasn't expecting that. He didn't answer for a second and he looked deep in thought, probably thinking about the thousands of ways he could tell me to fuck off. 

"Estela," he finally whispered as he stared down into his lap. 

"That's a really pretty name," I said, still tiptoeing around the topic. I knew soon Monty would have enough of this and he'd stop opening up. 

"Yeah… it is." He crossed his arms over his chest and continued looking down. How much could I get out of him before he snapped at me? I wasn't about to test it out, he was obviously upset. 

So I tried reaching out, putting my hand on his shoulder except he shot me that look again and my blood turned cold. "Sorry," I mumbled, taking my hand away. 

Monty simply rolled his eyes and the awkwardness was back. That was his limit - me trying to touch him. Comfort him. I wanted to tell him that it was okay and he could let me care about him. Let  _ someone _ care about him. 

"I don't have any condoms," Monty then said out of the blue. I looked at him with a furrowed brow wondering where he was going with this. "So if that's what you came for… sorry to disappoint."

"I didn't come here for that," I said, blushing at just the thought. Though I missed the casual arrangement we had, I wasn't there for sex. Couldn't he see that I cared about him? 

"Then what?" Monty continued looking genuinely confused. "To tell me about your amazing biology score?"

"You don't have to be a dick about it," I snapped at him without meaning to. He had jealousy written all over his face. Not because of the test score, likely because of Zach. 

He just scoffed and looked away. Getting an apology out of Monty was pretty much impossible. 

I checked the time on my phone. It was getting late and it would have been better if we were starting to head back home, Mrs Jensen wouldn't have to send out a search party to look for us. I figured Monty wouldn’t wanna get in trouble after last time, running away was a really dumb move. I see that now.

“We should probably go back,” I said carefully. Technically, we still had about an hour but it was better to start early than rush after. I bit my lip when Monty picked up his book again and started reading. “Monty.”

“Leave me alone,” he muttered without looking up. “Don’t even know why you keep following me everywhere.” It took all the self-restraint I had to grit my teeth and stand up without making a comment. I got my jeans all dirty for nothing. 

Just take a hint, I told myself. He obviously doesn’t like you so stop trying to get through to him. Don’t follow him. Don’t pick him anymore.

However, Monty looked up when I grabbed the blanket from the ground and started shoving it back into my backpack. He didn’t deserve my blanket.

But in my fit of silent rage, I glanced at him by accident. Monty looked like he wanted to say something. Apologise? He did look a little like he regretted opening his mouth but I needed something more than that. I needed him to actually say something. Anything.

He didn’t say a thing. 

So I packed my stuff and then dragged the rotting chair to the opening in the ground that was above my head. I put my backpack on, took the opportunity to glance at Monty and he was just reading again.

So I left.

***

“What about this one?” Chloe asked, holding her phone in front of my face as I tried to eat my breakfast. I had seen so many pictures of dresses that they all blurred together into one. Who cared about a stupid Winter Formal? 

Everyone apparently. Even Jess and Sheri were invested in this thing. December was a big deal around here, Christmas, dances, sport events and eventually they got to go home for the holidays. I haven’t really given my parents much thought but I wasn’t gonna say that out loud, surely I’d start to miss them.

“Er, it’s nice,” I said as I wiped my mouth with a napkin. “But look, I really have to-”

“Wait, I like this one, what do you think?” Chloe asked, pulling on my sleeve to make me sit down again as soon as I tried to get up. 

I glanced at the photo. “Yeah, I like it too,” I said quickly. I quickly shot an alarmed look in Justin’s direction, trying to tell him to get me out of this but he was grinning. It wasn’t just Justin - Zach, Diego  _ and _ Jess seemed to find it amusing. 

Chloe was once again trying to get my advice on a dress, just because I was gay doesn’t mean I had any idea about women’s fashion. All the dresses looked nice to me. I sighed. “Can’t you like, ask Ryan or something?” I suggested as nicely as I could.

Chloe raised one eyebrow. “I could but he has terrible taste.” Then she smiled at me. “Please, Winston? This is really important to me.”

And being the pushover I was- “I’ll help you tomorrow, right now I need to meet up with someone and I’m already late.” I got up again, this time successfully and Justin stared.

“Who?” he asked and I didn’t miss the way his eyes momentarily lingered on Monty. 

Monty was too busy killing Charlie on some dumb mobile game to even notice my presence. At least he got home before curfew the night before so that was… something. An improvement I guess.

“Alex,” I said quietly, observing the other guys to see their reactions. Zach didn’t even bat an eye, Diego raised his eyebrows but didn’t comment and Charlie just looked confused. He stared at Monty for a couple of seconds like he wanted him to say what everyone else was thinking but lucky for me, Monty was pretending I didn’t exist.

When Monty didn't say anything, surprisingly Charlie smiled at me. That was something I didn't expect. 

Alex was already waiting outside for me, he was at the swimming pool beforehand and his hair was still a little wet. He smiled, asked if Tyler’s coming with us too. I said no. 

Whenever I asked Tyler to hang out, he always seemed to have an excuse ready whether it was catching up on homework or doing yearbook stuff or just needing some ‘alone time’. It was clear that he was avoiding me, I just didn’t know why.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Alex asked as we walked towards my locker. The school hallway was already decorated with paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling and most teachers decorated the door of their classroom with a wreath, Christmas lights or something more original. We didn’t do that at Hillcrest.

Alex nudged me and I glanced at him momentarily. Tomorrow? That would be Friday and I didn’t really have any plans. I knew I better make some before all the girls used my free time to ask for fashion advice. 

“Nothing, I guess.” I shrugged, started to open my locker to search for my sports kit. Thursdays were the best, PE early in the morning was exactly what I wanted to do.

“Good,” Alex said as he leaned against the other lockers, he smiled at me and it was impossible not to smile back. I quickly looked away.

What was I doing? Why was my face heating up? My heart skipped a beat when I looked up and Alex was still smiling. Was it possible that he…? I tried kissing him before and he wasn’t quick to pull away.

“Good?” I asked while I took the kit out of my locker and quickly threw the bag over my shoulder.

“I was hoping we could hang out, you haven’t gone out past the school grounds yet, have you?” Not unless you counted the football game and following Monty like an idiot. I shook my head. “Great, I can show you around town, tell you about my favourite places…”

“I’d like that.” 

“Cool,” Alex said with a grin but that was gone as soon as someone pushed him. He fell into me, I held onto him tight thinking that it was probably just an accident. Busy corridors, people in a rush… until I saw Diego walking past with a giant smirk on his face. And guess who was with him.

“Fucking pussy,” Diego mumbled as he and Monty walked away laughing. I was still holding onto Alex, I looked at him and we quickly separated.

“That was weird,” Alex said with an awkward chuckle. He looked down at his shoes. I didn’t understand what their problem with Alex was. Sure, he got one of their friends excluded but… he got excluded for a reason.

“Alex-”

“Don’t,” he interrupted me and his good mood was gone. So Monty wanted to ruin all my chances at making friends. I was tired of him behaving like a child. “I have to get to class.” 

Alex left me standing in the corridor and I stared after him. There was nothing I could do.

So I headed to my favourite lesson, PE. And if that wasn't bad enough, I found out that we were gonna be doing basketball. Probably just a way to let the guys rest before the future football games. 

I got dressed as fast as I could, standing in the corner by myself because for some reason Tyler didn’t show up. I sent him a few texts that he didn’t answer or read so I stared at my phone screen while tying my shoelace hoping for some kind of miracle - for Tyler to burst in with an excuse for why he was late.

I didn’t know anyone else in this class. Apart from Justin but he had his own friends so-

_ “Monty!”  _ Everyone looked up at the sound of the slap and loud shriek, the locker room fell silent and Monty grinned proudly as Charlie glared at him. He threw the white towel over his shoulder and Charlie quickly put his shorts on. He was blushing furiously.

“Don’t slap his ass man, it’s not cool,” Diego spoke up and Monty immediately stopped grinning. Everyone else quickly looked away, the two best friends were fighting.

“I-it’s fine,” Charlie jumped in before either one of them could do anything stupid. “Just don’t do it that hard.” 

I looked up just in time to see Diego huff and leave the locker room. Sleeping with your roommate was a bad idea, especially when they liked someone else. Diego was learning that the hard way. Poor Diego.

Charlie stayed glued to Monty even when we were out on the field. It was cold, Ryan was wearing his coat and complaining about it so he wasted five minutes of our lesson arguing with the teacher. 

While that went on, I could hear Monty whispering  _ things _ in Charlie’s ear. Things that would have made a porn star blush. It made  _ me  _ blush but I tried my best to focus on what the teacher was saying because Monty and his filthy mouth only caused trouble.

Ryan eventually took his coat off after a lot of complaining and the teacher told us to partner up. He already looked fed up with us even though the lesson just started.

“Hey, roomie, looking for a partner?” Someone tapped my shoulder and when I turned around, Justin was grinning at me.

“I love you,” I said without thinking. Justin just loved saving me, jumping in right when I need him. I reminded myself that he was straight and he’d be the  _ fourth _ guy I’ve thought about in that way during my short stay at the boarding school.

He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. “I love you too, just don’t tell Monty. Don’t want him to fight me.” I glared at him even though we were a safe distance away from everyone else. 

“I don’t- I don’t like him anymore,” I stammered as someone threw the ball to Justin. Zach. He grinned at me from the distance and then went back to his partner, Diego. So Monty was with Charlie.

“If you say so.” Justin threw the ball back at me, I just about managed to catch it. That wasn’t what I wanted him to say. I needed him to tell me that sure, Monty was acting like a dick but that’s just who he was, he’d get his shit together soon and maybe even realise that he feels something for me…

“Has he… said anything after breakfast?” I asked casually as we walked over to a spot where we could freely pass the ball to one another. I still had no idea what the point of this was. Justin raised an eyebrow, looked confused as I passed the ball to him. “When I left? With Alex…?”

“Oh! Erm, nah. He didn’t seem bothered,” Justin said with a shrug. “But you don’t care, right? You don’t like him anyway.” He passed the ball to me.

“Yeah. Right.” Yeah, I didn’t care. Whatever. 

“Throw it back then,” Justin said after I just stood there with the ball in my hands. 

“Sorry,” I muttered. After throwing the stupid ball, I heard laughter behind me. I knew I shouldn’t turn around but I did anyway. 

Charlie and Monty were wrestling, Charlie laughed breathlessly while Monty had him pinned to the ground. 

How long until Monty gets bored of Charlie?

***

It really wasn't like Tyler to ignore me but when I got  _ really  _ worried was when he didn't show up for any of the lessons we had together. I finally gathered up the courage to ask my maths teacher to see if she knew anything, she might have known but she didn't tell me. Said it was confidential.

I kept checking my phone throughout the day, waiting for some type of indication that he was okay. Just a text message would have been enough.

"I'm sure he's okay," Alex said when we walked home together. It was a little less busy and definitely quieter since the football guys had practice, we could walk home in peace without the fear that someone would try to do anything to Alex. 

"You don't know that." Something terrible could have happened to him or he was simply ignoring me. I didn't think I did anything worthy of getting ignored. 

"No… but if it was serious, he'd tell you, right? He's your friend," Alex tried telling me. 

I didn't have the energy to argue with him anymore though I knew I was right to worry. "I guess."

He asked if we were still on for Friday when he dropped me off at the house. My plans to meet up with him on Friday had completely left my head but I nodded and said I was looking forward to it. 

The girls were in the living room, talking about what colour eye shadow went with what dress and I didn't wanna get dragged into it so I tiptoed up the stairs as quietly as I could. Being the only boy in our house who didn’t play football meant that I had the whole of upstairs for myself until they came back.

I saw the new text messages from Scott and I wanted to text him back but deep down I was too scared to do it. I was away from my best friend for only a matter of months and I’ve managed to do pretty much every dumb choice I could. Scott still had no idea that I ran off with Monty. Or that I liked him.

I used the little alone time I had to focus on homework, it was a great excuse to turn my phone off and ignore Scott. 

It wasn't until a few minutes later that I finally got a knock on my door. “I’m busy!” I shouted hoping that Chloe would leave me alone. 

“Sure you are.” a voice that wasn’t Chloe answered. But I thought… why wasn’t he at football practice? Monty walked into the room closing the door behind him and then he leaned against it. "Are-" And then he stopped and pressed his lips together.

I thought that was it, this is the moment he finally opens up to me. At least a little. 

"Are you doing homework?" he asked instead and he took a few steps towards my bed. Monty glanced at my worksheet - Spanish homework and my heart skipped a beat remembering what happened the last time he tried to help. 

He scoffed and held out his hand, I assumed for the worksheet so I passed it to him. "Zachy not so good at teaching you Spanish?" he muttered while his eyes scanned over my answers before he finally took my pen from me and started scribbling away at my work. 

"He doesn't teach me Spanish, he only offered to tutor me for biology. Once." I needed to make that clear to him, Zach was just a friend and he didn't need to be so jealous all the time. I could just as easily make a comment about Charlie but I chose not to. 

After what seemed like hours, he threw my notepad and worksheet to the side along with the pen and then he glanced at me. "So are you still busy?" 

I was only 'busy' for Chloe. I could never be too busy for him. I shook my head. 

"And Justin's not gonna be back for… another hour," Monty said slowly and I gulped. There was a reason for why he was here. I tried counting the weeks since he last touched me, since I could feel him and hear his muffled groans as he tightened his grip around me...

"You're blushing."

"I'm not!" I brought my hand up to my cheek and sure enough, it felt hot under my touch. Monty grinned stupidly. He could at least say what he was here for because it definitely wasn't to open up to me. 

Monty leaned forward, he placed his hands on my bed so that he was towering over me with that stupid stupid  _ stupid _ grin plastered on his face. His face inches away from mine, his hands close to touching my legs and his eyes glued on mine. 

“W-what?” 

He leaned in even closer, until his lips were almost touching mine and I was so sure- so  _ ready _ for him to kiss me. I couldn’t stop thinking about how he kissed me by the pier, his lips on mine, his hand gently touching the side of my face-

“Are you and Standall fucking?” Monty asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“What is  _ wrong _ with you?” I pushed him away from me and moved up the bed so I could be as far away from him as possible. How could I possibly think that he’d even consider... No, Monty just had to ruin everything.

I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to avoid looking at Monty who ran his hand through his messy hair. He seemed to be embarrassed. 

“I didn’t- I was just asking,” he stammered and then bit his bottom lip. When his hand dropped away from his hair, he stood there for a moment. I could see him from the corner of my eye, shifting from foot to foot. 

Maybe he didn’t mean to upset me, he could say things without thinking sometimes. It landed him in trouble. I knew that, I knew what to expect, I knew what I was getting myself into.

“I’m sorry,” Monty whispered. He had crawled onto my bed and he lied down on my right. Was he sorry? He appeared to be and I just… I couldn’t not give him a chance to apologize. Monty wasn’t one to apologize so this must have meant something.

Slowly, I turned my head towards him. I didn’t want to give in easily but to see how far he would go to apologise. Monty was lying down with his head on my pillow, the second my eyes met his, his expression changed. Like he knew he could get away with everything when it came to me. It was difficult not to forgive him, I didn’t want to be the one to drive a wedge between us and push him away. 

It only took him a couple of seconds to sit up, tilt my head back and kiss my cheek. I don’t even know when I closed my eyes but all I could focus on was him, his fingers under my chin and his nose brushing against my cheekbone.

“So you just expect me to forgive you now?” I asked but my voice was barely audible over the sound of my heart drumming in my chest.

“You already have.” 

He pulled away when I opened my eyes. I guess I did forgive him pretty quickly. He didn’t mean to upset me, it was just a question.

“Everyone’s gonna be out tomorrow after school, Christmas shopping and shit,” Monty said casually as he laid down again and he pushed his hair back. He glanced at me like he was waiting for me to continue.

“Yeah?”

I wasn’t gonna make it easy for him, just  _ tell _ me what you want.

Monty paused, the room was silent for a couple of seconds. “Turn around.”

“Huh?”

Monty looked me up and down, I swallowed hard while he sat up. “Turn around,” he repeated. Turn around as in…? “That’s it, lay on your stomach.” I breathed in sharply and then place my head on the pillow. 

My stomach was full of butterflies, all swarming around as Monty moved behind me. Gently, he placed his hands on my back, his thumbs slowly caressing my ribcage as he straddled my hips, one leg on either side of my body. I bit my lip - it was impossible to keep my heavy breathing under control. 

"Is this okay?" Monty slid his hands under my shirt and I nodded quickly. Yes _ , please _ . 

'I missed you,' I wanted to say but I bit my tongue. Don't say anything like that or you'll freak him out, I thought to myself. 

"What are you doing?" I finally gathered the courage to ask when he took my shirt off and gently traced my spine with his fingers. I held my breath as his hand descended lower and lower. 

"I missed touching you," he whispered and I exhaled shakily. His words… they contained so much innocence in them and yet I wanted the exact opposite. The erection in my jeans started to get uncomfortable as Monty's fingers danced along my spine. "It drives you crazy, doesn't it?"

All I could do was nod. My heart pounded so hard it felt like my entire body moved with it. Then Monty leaned over me to brush his fingertips over my shoulder blades and he covered my body with his. 

I could feel him through the material of my jeans. Hot and hard and just  _ there. _ Touching me right where I wanted him. He moved just a tiny bit and a helpless whimper left my mouth. 

Monty shushed me. "I'm not gonna do anything."

"I want you to."

I was beyond the point of trying to preserve my dignity. I wanted him more than I wanted anything. Anything.

He laughed to himself and I could imagine the grin on his face even though I couldn't see it. "I told you, I'm all yours on Friday. Tomorrow."

"I can't wait that long," I whined surprising even myself. "Can you move your hips a little?" I don't know what came over me, it didn't sound like me speaking but it  _ was.  _

Monty wasn't laughing anymore, his grip on my waist tightened but then sure enough, he moved his hips, just a few slow moves, rocking against me, making me go crazy just like he wanted. 

"Tomorrow," he said again and to my disappointment, his hips stilled. 

Then I remembered. I could have kept it to myself but I knew that telling him… 

"I can't, I have plans with Alex," I said knowing that I'd cancel everything the second he tells me to. I expected him to jump at the chance and tell me to never go near him again. 

Monty paused. "Yeah?"

I hesitated. "Yes."

He pulled my pants and my boxers down with a few tugs until they were just below my knees. I pressed my face into the pillow to hold back a moan. Finally he was giving me what I wanted. 

With no way to see him, all I could focus on were the sounds around me. His belt being undone, his jeans being pulled down, the small sighs he let out when he wrapped a hand around his cock. 

Nothing happened, the mattress dipped and I turned my head to see him grab my hand lotion from my desk. Expensive hand lotion. 

He grinned when he saw me staring, squeezed a more than generous amount into his hand and then began jerking himself off. Something in my stomach dropped - just watching him with his head thrown back, lips parted and eyes squeezed shut as he pleasured himself. 

I wanted him. 

"Monty?" I whispered, reminding him that I was still there and just as horny (if not more) than he was. 

He smiled to himself without opening his eyes. "Just a sec." And true to his word, he got back on the bed a moment later. My cheeks reddened at the wet sounds of the movement of his hand, I cared about nothing but him at that moment. Just needed to have him.

"This shit's addicting you know," Monty said breathlessly when the sound stopped. Then his hand was between my thighs, coating them in hand lotion which smelled like strawberries. 

"What is?" I asked. I was barely able to string two words together, I had no idea what he was talking about. 

"You." He gave me no time to take his answer in when he thrust in between my thighs. I hated him. 

"No, wait- That's not good," I tried to tell him as he slowly pulled back out, his cock sliding out from between my thighs. 

"Doesn't it feel good?" It did, but it wasn't where I wanted him. I waited way too long to be okay with  _ this _ .

"Please?" I didn't care how pathetic it sounded. "Do it properly?"

He traced a finger along my spine again before sighing loudly. "I don't have any condoms, Diego fucking stole all of them." So Charlie and his needs were the reason I was getting terribly teased? 

"I'll have some for tomorrow," Monty added before sliding in between my thighs again and digging his blunt nails into my ass. "Fuck, it's so good." 

It wasn't bad. It really wasn't, but being able to feel him right there and  _ knowing _ I wasn't gonna feel him inside of me was worse than torture. 

My pillow had bite marks all over it by the time Monty was breathing heavily into my ear, telling me how good it was, how good  _ I _ was. He told me no one ever made him feel this good and I believed him. 

He told me to cancel on Alex. I said I would in between gasps and moans.

"I'm so fucking close," he panted as he went in and out, faster and faster. I crossed my ankles to tighten my grip around him and he groaned like I've never heard him before. "You're gonna fucking kill me."

Maybe I didn't need to get fucked to get off, just the sounds he was making were able to make my body tingle all over. Slowly, I grinded my hips against the mattress not caring how it affected Monty at all. 

He choked out a helpless moan and then he was there, spilling all over the back of my thighs, hot streaks of come decorating my skin one after another. 

"Can't fucking breathe," Monty whispered. His hand still hadn't stilled, he was determined to make it last as long as possible. Maybe it was because we were apart for so long. 

A minute or two after, Monty crashed onto the bed looking like he had just finished running a marathon. Exhausted and spent and in a daze. He smiled lazily, a stupid smile from the satisfaction of his orgasm. 

"I hope I didn't get your bedsheets dirty." He glanced at me, then at his dirty hand and he rolled his eyes. "Wait." Not like I was planning on going anywhere.

I noticed that his hands were shaking when he got off my bed, even his knees looked a little weak but he pulled his trousers up like it was nothing. 

Once he cleaned his hand off with my wet wipes, he started wiping my thighs where he marked me. Just the tiniest touch was making me go insane. 

"I'm still hard," I mumbled hoping he'd take pity on me and maybe blow me like he did before. 

"Good," Monty replied simply. "You can wait until tomorrow."

It was almost like a slap in the face. "Huh? W-tomorrow?"

I tried getting up but he pushed me back onto the bed. My face hit the pillow. "Yes, tomorrow. The day after today," he went on. He pulled my jeans up and purposely touched me as much as he could, I know he did. 

"But I-"

"Maybe it'll teach you to stop making plans with freaks," he said and I knew he was referring to Alex. Jealous. Definitely jealous though I wasn't gonna point it out. 

Before he rolled off me, he kissed my neck and then my cheek again and when I moved my head to capture his lips, he didn't pull away. In fact, he even seemed to want it. 

"I need to go," he said after leaving my lips swollen. He pulled away a little too early, looked around my room to check if he left anything and then he yawned. "So… See you."

Monty made his way towards the door and I found that I was sad to see him leave. "Wait," I called out after him. He turned back to me and raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you go to practice?"

Monty looked at the ground, smiled and then looked back up again. "I couldn't have done that if I went to practice, could I?"

***

Friday was all a blur. I ignored him, he ignored me. Except that's not how it was. 

I stole a glance at him knowing full well he could see me and he'd stretch  _ knowing _ that his shirt would ride up and the sleeves would strain around his arms. Then he'd turn and give me that look. The one that made my stomach drop. It was all just lust. 

I waited all day for a chance to tell Alex I couldn't hang out. I avoided him like the plague meaning yearbook stuff at breaks and lunches and anytime I had any free time. Still, no one knew where Tyler was. 

In the end, I decided that I'd just send Alex a quick text and make up an excuse. 

"Going on a date?" Justin asked. There was one problem, Monty assumed that everyone would be out, my roommate was laying in bed with no intention of leaving it any time soon. 

"Just want my hair to look good," I said as I smoothed down a piece that was out of place. All perfect for Monty to fuck with however he liked. 

I looked at Justin, he knew about Monty so I could… Tell him?

"I was hoping to have the room to myself tonight," I said and Justin looked up. "I guess I… Do kind of have a date."

"Monty?" I gave everything away without saying a word. Justin sighed but he was smiling as he slowly dragged himself out of bed. "That explains why both of you were acting like that all day."

"Like what?" I was sure that we were discreet. I had it all planned out, act oblivious in public, get him in my bed, get him right where I wanted him and then right after, when he's most vulnerable, he can stay in my bed and tell me all about himself. I'd love to listen. 

"Like…” Justin looked into the distance and pursed his lips. “Like… you weren’t so uptight and jumpy and Monty… he was less Monty.” Less Monty, I knew what that meant.

“Whatever,” I muttered when I realised he just called me ‘uptight’. I wasn’t uptight, definitely not. “But you need to go or he’ll stop being ‘less Monty’.” 

I walked over to my bed and smoothed down the blanket. Justin groaned. "Do I really have to leave? I love my bed, I could stay and cheer you on."

I stared at him. "Please don't." I was already stressed out about Monty coming here and Justin wasn’t helping. He smiled to himself and slowly made his way towards the door after taking his phone, football jacket and charger. 

"Fine, I'll go be a supportive friend somewhere else.” He stopped with his hand on the door handle and I rolled my eyes. “Just remember I'll be cheering you on from a distance. Mentally."

"Bye Justin!" I shouted and waved him goodbye until he was out of the room. How long until the others leave too? I knew that Charlie and Diego were going out as ‘friends’ because that’s all Diego could talk about at breakfast. He shut up when Charlie asked Monty if he wanted to come too. 

Can’t he just leave Monty alone and focus on Diego? 

I cleaned up better than I ever have, prepared everything according to my plans so he wouldn’t even have a second to hesitate, to think. I was hoping to take control of this and lead him right where I wanted him...

I was so nervous I was actually considering taking Justin up on his offer of moral support. 

I should have.

He said he’ll come ‘after five’ when I cornered him on the stairs that morning and asked. Maybe that freaked him out and he changed his mind? 

I was watching the minutes goodbye, staring at the time on my phone. Half-past five - I heard Diego and Charlie laughing in the corridor before going downstairs. The door opened and shut.

Five forty.

Quarter to six.

Five to six.

And that’s when I got the text message. No, not from Monty. Tyler. A weird feeling flushed over me, covering me from head to toe knowing that through all this panic about Monty, I had forgotten about my friend

_ I really need to talk right now, please tell me you're free.  _

He didn’t need to explain himself or tell me why he was ignoring me for the past two days. If he needed me, I’d be there. 

But Monty-

I knew I’d have to reschedule. And explain myself. He’d understand. Monty will understand. He has to. 

The minute I left my room, I bumped into him. He was on his way to see me, I was hoping to talk to him  _ after. _

“Hey,” he said with a smile on his face, a smile that I didn’t want to ruin. Didn’t want to have to cancel on him but I _ needed _ to.

“Monty, I can’t do tonight,” I blurted out while I had the courage to. Like I suspected, he stopped smiling. Stopped in his tracks.

“What?” He almost looked confused, like the idea of someone - me - turning him down was unfamiliar to him. 

“I can’t,” I said again but before I could explain myself, Monty jumped in.

“What do you mean you can’t? I thought you cancelled on Standall.” He crossed his arms over his chest. Defensively. I felt like _ I  _ was the one fucking it up, it was no one’s fault. My friend just needed me, that’s all. This wasn’t about him or me or even Alex.

“I did!” I protested trying to force him to listen to me. “But something came up and-”

“You really thought I wanted to hang out with you?” Monty cut me off. The words were out of his mouth faster than I could even think to finish my sentence. Where was he going with this? I stood and stared. He laughed. “I say jump and you jump. See? You’ll do anything I tell you to.”

Silence settled in between us. The kind that’s too loud, too uncomfortable. Suffocating. Felt like I was drowning.

“You don’t mean that,” I said, ignoring the drumming in my ears. He didn’t, he was just trying to hurt me. “You’re upset that I-”

“Upset?” Monty scoffed, looked around like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “ _ You’re  _ the stupid idiot who cancelled all his plans for me. Is that all it takes, huh?” He took a few steps forward, trapping me between the door and his body. “A little bit of dirty talk and you’ll do whatever I want?”

“Stop.” 

“So that’s all it takes,” he concluded as he stepped even closer until I couldn’t breathe. “And as soon as you get bored you move onto the next guy who’s willing to lower his standards to sleep with you. You know I felt sorry for you, a gay kid like you begging to get fucked - I felt bad. Now I see that you’re just a whore… That’s all you’ll ever be.”

I pushed him away, he seemed surprised that I actually managed to. But I needed to get out of there. Away from him. And never go near him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah don't you just love monty  
> anyway i didn't wanna make it too extreme coz he'll just get worse from here but i hope you liked it :)


	14. Only For A Moment

**Chapter Fourteen**

Focus on Tyler. Listen to him. Help him. Do anything but think about  _ him.  _

"It's still in the early stage, I'm so glad they detected it while it's still early," Tyler went on as he nodded too quickly. "She'll be okay. I know she will be, I don't know what I'd do without her." He looked at me like he wanted me to agree with him. 

I nodded. "I'm sure she'll be fine."

He hugged his pillow to his chest and gently rocked back and forth. I placed my hand on his knee almost automatically and he tried to smile. 

Tyler didn't have to explain himself but he did anyway, told me that his mother found out she had breast cancer and they pulled him out of school for a day to tell him. You can't just drop news like that over the phone. 

"And I'm sorry for not answering-"

"I told you it's fine, I'm just glad you're okay. And your family." This time he smiled at me properly and I took my hand back. 

It explained why he wasn't in school but not why he kept making up excuses for not wanting to hang out with Alex and me. I didn't wanna ask, he was already going through so much. He had a lot on his mind.

Tyler kept talking, I heard the sound of his voice but the words went right through me. All I could think about was Monty. His words. His voice calling me a whore, telling me I'll do anything for sex. Am I easy? 

Sure, I was never one to shy away from sex and by sex, I mean secret blow jobs at parties, I had no problem with that but- I've never slept with anyone but him. I gave him that part of me and he threw it back in my face and said he never wanted it. 

Okay. 

Okay, if he doesn't want it then I'll take it back. 

"Are you… okay? You seem… off," Tyler said carefully. I looked up, my eyes met his and this hard lump in my throat appeared. Off. Yeah, sure. I'm off. 

"Just… wishing there was anything I could do to help," I said, feeling that pang in my chest for lying. Monty turned me into a liar. He did. 

"You've already helped a lot. Listening to me. I'm glad… I have a friend like you." Tyler was never good with words. With feelings. I knew he was awkward since our first conversation but here he was, telling me how he felt. It wasn't hard, was it? Maybe I was expecting too much. Someone like Monty-

Monty. 

"Anytime," I whispered feeling my throat getting tighter and tighter. Difficult to breathe. Hard to think. I don't know what to think. 

I didn't stay in Tyler's room for long. He just came back from being with his family so I knew that must have been exhausting. He probably wanted to sleep it off. I left him, made sure he was okay. He thanked me once again and like always, I said it was nothing. It what friends do. 

I didn't wanna go back but I knew I had to. What if he's there? What if he's still upstairs? What if I run into him in the living room?

We lived in the same house, I knew it would be impossible to avoid him. I’d have to face him at some point. It was inevitable. 

I read my messages with Alex as I walked home. I shouldn't have cancelled on him. I told him it was because of an emergency with Tyler and he said that it was all okay, no need to worry. I felt terrible. Worse than the worst. I didn't deserve him. 

What did I deserve? 

***

Locking myself in my room was the safe option. And the stupid one. 

Once it was just me, my bed and the room I prepared for Monty and me… I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't get all those things out of my head. 

You're a whore, my brain screamed at me as put everything back where it belonged. No laptop to watch a film afterwards, no extra bed sheet because I knew how much Monty hated to make a mess on the bed, no extra pillow on his side that I took from Justin. 

Justin. I texted him, needed to know where he was because… I had to talk to someone about this and he was the only one I could trust. I even thought about picking up the phone and calling Scott before a voice in my head reminded me that this was exactly what Scott warned me about. Getting used. Like a whore. 

Where was he? Why did he need to leave me right when I needed him? 

I got under my covers trying my best not to think about how it was supposed to be me and Monty sleeping in this bed. He was supposed to be here. He said he'd have time for me and then-

My phone buzzed. A text from Justin.

**Justin:** _Is the room clear for entrance or should I stay with the girls for a little longer._

'You can come up' I typed simply. So he was out shopping. I hoped he had fun, out of us deserved to. 

From the moment that the front door closed, the house filled with laughter. He did have fun. I hard him speaking and then the girls erupting into giggles. Then Jessica saying something and more laughter. Oh, how I wanted to be part of it. I could have been. 

With every step Justin took up the stairs, my breathing got shallower and shallower. Justin was Justin. He knew me, he could read me and I couldn't lie to him. I'd end up telling him everything no matter what. 

"Hey, I hope you missed me because I got you something and-" Silence. He stopped abruptly, all it took was once glance at me. I couldn't see him, I was too busy looking at the wall, but I could hear him. The rustling of a plastic bag, the soft click of the door closing and then footsteps. 

The mattress dipped, I felt his hand on my shoulder. "You okay?" I hesitated then shook my head. Justin sighed. "What did he do this time?"

What  _ didn't _ he do? And it wasn't easy to explain everything, how it all started, how somewhere along the way I had managed to convince myself that there was something beneath the surface. No, that's just who he was. This cold heartless person hurting everyone in his way. And he didn't care. 

How did I let it go this far? I should have ran for the hills the second he laid his eyes on me. 

Stupid crush. 

"I get it, you don't have to tell me." Justin took my silence to mean that I didn't wanna share. I just needed a second to gather my thoughts together. 

"Do you think I'm a whore?" My voice broke. I swallowed. What if Justin thought so too? What if Monty was right after all… 

"What?" Justin looked at me, his lips moved but he didn't say a word and then he just scoffed. "Is that what he said? Monty?"

I nodded trying hard not to relive the memory in my head. How he trapped me, looked at me, hurt me… and I trusted him. "I thought he was different." 

Part of me wanted Justin to tell me to stop being dramatic, that Monty  _ is _ different. That he's just scared, he's acting out, he's confused. He says stupid things that he doesn't mean. He doesn't know how much he can hurt people...

"Me too," Justin said instead and him agreeing with me was the worst feeling in the world. First, Justin carefully laid down beside me and I moved to give him space. He threw his arm over me and sighed. "If anything,  _ he's  _ the fucking whore… fucking any girl who'll say yes to him." Justin sighed again and maybe he was trying to comfort me but it wasn't working. I knew Monty had sex with girls but then I remembered how he told me that he only slept with me out of pity. That was obviously a lie… right? It had to be. 

"You're not… don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth," Justin whispered after a moment of silence. He hugged me and it felt  _ different.  _ I closed my eyes. 

"You're shaking," Justin said quietly and he left me on the bed. Only a few seconds later, he was back with the duvet from his own bed. He tucked me in and smiled like he thought it would solve anything. I was already feeling a lot better. 

We slept in the same bed that night. I think Justin dozed off while he was telling me about his day out to distract me. I fell asleep too. Eventually. Having Justin sleeping nearby definitely helped. 

Saturday blurred into one giant nothing. Justin was basically guarding me like a hawk. 

I know that Chloe and Jess wanted me to go out with them to look for outfits but Justin said I wasn't feeling well. I hated that excuse - I wasn’t sick, I just needed twenty-four hours without seeing Monty. 

My breakfast (as well as lunch and dinner) were all brought to my room by Justin. Mrs Jensen was concerned, she checked my temperature and found out that I did actually seem to have a mild fever so Justin was allowed to keep me company in my room and we didn't have to eat downstairs. 

I remember Sunday a little better, Justin and I played video games on Charlie's PlayStation, he let us borrow it and I could hear him asking Justin how I was doing when they stood outside my room. 

Everyone thought that I had the flu. Even my parents called in to check, I think Mrs Jensen may have called them. 

Then Monday came and Justin and I woke up in different beds. I told him that I was gonna be okay sleeping by myself. I was over it. 

But then I skipped breakfast and I couldn't be bothered to do my hair and everything just went  _ wrong _ . 

"Okay, what's the problem?" Justin asked when I threw my hair gel back on the desk and got back into bed. Everyone thought I was ill anyway. Justin buttoned up his shirt before walking over to me. He placed his hand on my forehead to see if that 'mild fever' was gone yet. He sighed when he pulled away. "You're gonna have to go to school… you'll be missing out on so much work."

"I feel sick."

"Yeah… but it's only because of Monty," Justin whispered and I rolled my eyes. 

"Can you… I don't wanna talk about him. Ever," I said as I sat up. Justin could respect that, he was my friend. So he didn't ask why, just nodded and said okay. 

I wasn't in love with Monty, I wasn't hurt because he rejected me. More than anything, I was embarrassed. Only a little hurt. I thought I could help him, I thought there was something more to him but all he did was use me and I  _ let _ him. Then, in the end, he got bored and he threw me aside like trash. 

"You're gonna be late for school if you don't start styling your hair now," Justin advised with a small smile. Right. My hair. I couldn't go to school looking like shit. What would that prove to him? That he messed me up, that's all. And he didn’t.

So I got out of bed even though I didn't want to. 

"Great, I'll go downstairs and try to hunt down some breakfast," Justin said. His attitude was the only thing helping me keep it together. He left the room only after I picked the hair gel up again. 

It only took me a few minutes to make my hair look good. I felt good, even forgot about Monty for a moment until I heard voices outside. 

"I think he's fucking faking it the sad fag," Monty's voice pierced right through the walls. I could hear almost everything. Probably because he wanted me to hear. They walked up the stairs and through the corridor...

Charlie laughed and so Monty continued. "Probably wants a sympathy fuck or something," He chuckled. "Would you go for him, eh? You and that sad Williams kid?" 

I think they stopped outside Monty’s room and my hand started to sweat. He was out there, I was in my room - only a wall separated us. 

"He's not my type," Charlie said simply but I was already holding my breath, waiting for the insult to come. 

Monty scoffed. "Good. Bet he's got some fucking homo disease. Would probably spread it around."

A homo disease. Suddenly I didn't feel so well anymore and I tried my best to drown their voices out. I… Monty was the first guy I slept with. The  _ only _ guy I slept with. Now he was telling people I was a whore with a ‘homo disease’? I hated him and this whole school. 

I don’t know how long I stood there, looking at my reflection in the mirror, trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong. A new start. That’s what I needed. I could just call my parents up and they’d have it sorted out by the end of the week.

"So I managed to get you some toast and Jess gave you her waffles so you could-"

"I'm not going to school," I interrupted Justin who walked into the room with a plate stacked with food. It only made me nauseous. 

It looked like Justin was about to argue but then his face softened. He nodded "Okay. Not today then."

Not today. Then when? 

***

Even though I may have been faking an illness, Scott wasn't. Scott was back home and he was ill. 

As much as I appreciated everything Justin did, I didn’t wanna bother him all the time. So I called Scott and while everyone else was at school doing math tests and chemistry experiments, I was on the phone for hours explaining every single event to Scott in as much detail as I could. 

I made sure that he knew just how much of a shitty person Monty was, how he used me and how I never wanted to see him again. 

He didn't say I told you so, he listened patiently, agreed with me and comforted me. Scott was someone I trusted, I was familiar with him. He made me feel safe and that's all I could ask for. 

I knew that secretly Scott probably wanted to call me an idiot for ever getting involved with Monty but he could tell how upset I was and so he put his own opinion aside to help. 

I was  _ this _ close to falling asleep when I got a knock on my door. It was after four so everyone but the football guys were home. 

It was Chloe and Sheri, they wanted to know how I was doing and I'd I needed anything. It was strange, being treated like a child by everyone. I mean, they did think I was sick but I didn't want them to baby me. Just needed some time alone. 

I invited them in, they stepped inside cautiously. My eyes rested on the stack of papers that Sheri carried in with her. "Um, we brought you your work. The teachers didn't want you to miss out on anything so." Sheri looked around awkwardly. I tried my best to smile. 

"Thanks, just put it on my desk. I'll do it later." I never thought I'd be smiling at the thought of homework, it just felt nice to see that they cared enough to get it for me. Did I feel sick? Maybe a little. But I knew I needed to get out of bed, I couldn't avoid Monty forever. 

"And there's someone to see you," Chloe then added nervously. I looked at her and then at Sheri. Someone to see me? Who?... Tyler? 

I raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Alex?" Sheri answered uncertainly. "He said he was worried and he's just- standing outside. We don't know if we should let him in or not." 

I imagined Alex standing outside, definitely worried about me and I felt terrible. "You don't have to treat me like a kid, it's okay, let him in," I said. He was my friend and I had to keep telling myself that I had a good reason for cancelling on him.

Sheri looked at me for a few seconds like she was waiting for me to change my mind. Then she sighed. "Okay. I'll let him in." Alex wasn’t some kind of disease that had to be kept away from society but they treated him like one. I sighed knowing that even I was ready to leave him because Monty asked… 

Only when they were out of the room, I realised that I must look like shit. So I got up, brushed my hair, washed my face with a wet wipe and got back into bed because I didn’t have time to change my clothes. 

Alex knocked on the door and when I said that he could come in, Sheri and Chloe were standing behind him like my two bodyguards. Alex smiled awkwardly and I was scared they’d walk into the room with him and not leave us alone.

“Thanks guys, we’ll be fine on our own,” I said hoping that it didn’t sound rude. So they closed the door leaving just me and Alex alone in the room.

He tried to get in touch with me on Saturday. He texted me, asked about Tyler, tried to make plans and I ignored all of his messages. Didn't even read most of them. I shouldn't have made Alex suffer for something Monty did. 

“I heard that you were ill. Justin told me,” Alex began as he walked over to my desk with his eyes fixated on the ground. Justin told him or he asked Justin? Those are two very different things.

“I, um, yeah I wasn’t feeling so well,” I said when the silence stretched on and Alex stood by my desk. He looked at all the things laid out on it, hair gel, my comb, homework, pencils and a small mirror.

“I missed you in school,” Alex then blurted out and when he glanced at me, his cheeks turned pink. He quickly looked away. I didn’t think… Other than Justin, I didn’t think anyone would notice that I wasn’t around. But Alex noticed.

“Oh… I-” I had no idea what to say. “Erm, I’m sorry I had to cancel on Friday, I-”

“It’s okay, I know about Tyler,” Alex told me with a small smile. “We actually… hung out at school today.” That was unexpected, they were always so awkward around each other. 

“Yeah? I didn’t miss out on anything, did I?” Like maybe Monty targeting him for no reason…?

Alex shook his head as he began to make his way towards my bed. “No, it was pretty boring today… Everyone was just talking about the Winter Formal.” The Winter Formal was on Friday and then on Saturday, we could finally go home to stay with our parents for two weeks. No one cared about schoolwork at that point.

“Are you planning on going?” I asked as I sat up. I wasn't but I could already imagine Justin dragging me out of bed and telling me that I couldn't miss the dance like it actually meant something.

Alex shrugged as he slowly sat down on the edge of my bed. "Maybe… are you?"

"Probably." Tyler would probably need help with yearbook. And what else would I do? I couldn't stay in my room forever. 

"So I'll probably see you then," Alex stated. "The dances around here usually suck so… it'll be nice to see you there. It'll suck less." I chuckled and Alex smiled at me again. 

It felt nice. Thinking that someone actually cared about you even if it was only a little. He noticed that I wasn't in school, he missed me and then he admitted that he'd like it if I went to the party too. 

"So I should go…"

"You can stay if you want to," I said as casually as I could but my face gave me away as usual. I could feel my skin heating up. Alex was cute and he was nice, considerate… Basically the opposite of Monty. 

He grinned at me before looking down at his shoes. "I would. I'd really love to but I promised my dad I'd call him," Alex explained. He smiled at the mention of his dad, I figured that they must be close. 

"Don't worry about it." Alex slowly got to his feet. I swallowed. "And would you wanna walk to school tomorrow? I already feel better, think I might be able to go tomorrow."

Alex smiled even wider if that was even possible. He nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"So see you tomorrow?" 

"Yeah… see you tomorrow."

And just like that, I amended my friendship with him. I already felt miles better. 

***

"You look kinda weird in blue," Justin said and I stared at my reflection in the mirror before my eyes focused on them sitting behind me. 

"Thanks guys, you're making me feel a lot better." I shrugged the blazer off, threw it back onto my bed and sighed. "What am I gonna wear?" 

We couldn't go to town during the week so buying new clothes wasn't an option, I didn't really bring any suits with me and it was too late to call my parents and ask them to send me something. 

"I liked the brown suit," Sheri then spoke up. Lucky for me, Justin was letting me look through his wardrobe while he and Sheri sat in my bed and looked through the pictures uploaded on my laptop. Years and years of photography, my style changing and developing throughout the years. 

The week went by faster than any other, days blurred into one another and all I could remember were the conversations I had with Alex, working with Tyler on the layout of the yearbook (we had to have it finished by March) and the fact that Justin now sat with us at lunch instead of his usual place with Monty, Zach and the others. 

"You're worse than Chloe," Sheri complained which was pretty insulting. I had nothing against Chloe and she really did look pretty in her lilac dress but there was so much commotion over it… I  _ wasn't _ worse than here. I just didn't have anything to wear and the dance was gonna start in an hour and-

"I'll go ask Charlie if he has anything he could let you borrow," Sheri added as she got off my bed and left the laptop with Justin. She muttered something about me being a drama queen as she passed by and then she left the room. Fortunately, Charlie seemed to be around my height. Just a little taller. 

"What's Alex wearing?" Justin asked as he closed the laptop. 

I shrugged. I had no idea, we just agreed that we'd see each other at the dance. 

"Alright," Justin said like I was keeping something from him. Then he sighed. "Sherri looks pretty though, right?"

"And Jess. And Nina and Hannah and Chloe… " I went on as I stared at my own reflection. Girls were so pretty, why couldn't I be attracted to them? Why did I have to like men that were confusing and stupid and insensitive-

"Yeah… they're all really pretty," Justin agreed with me. Then he laid down on my pillow, placed his hands behind his head and looked up at the ceiling. "What about me? Do I look good?"

"Shut up, you know you do," I huffed. Justin grinned, he did look really good in his navy suit. "Have you got a date?"

"I'm going with Jess. As friends," he added when I raised an eyebrow. So did that mean he was slowly getting over his mystery girl? I hoped so. 

“As friends. Sure. Whatever you say.” I got a pillow thrown at my head in return for my comment. Guess I deserved that one.

Sheri returned shortly after, probably just in time to stop a fight from breaking out. She walked in with a black blazer and threw it at me. “There you go. Pair that with your black jeans and that grey jacket and you’ll be good to go.”

Justin raised an eyebrow at me while I studied the blazer. Who knew Charlie knew how to dress. “Thanks,” I said and I was about to ask them (or at least Sheri) to leave so I could get changed when I was interrupted by a knock on the door. 

I glanced at Justin. Was he expecting anyone? He looked just as confused as me. 

“Yeah?” he called out and the door opened. I immediately looked away, forced myself to look anywhere but in his direction.

“Can I borrow a suit?” Monty asked. I could only hear his voice and it was enough to remind me of what he said.

Avoiding him at school became easier when I realised that he was ignoring me too. He wasn’t trying to get my attention anymore and that’s when I knew that he meant what he said. So I ignored him too.

“No man, go ask someone else,” Justin said and there was a momentary pause before the door slammed shut. I looked up at Justin, he looked uncomfortable. He must have hated to have to choose between the two of us. And he knew Monty for much longer than he knew me, I never would have expected him to be on my side even if it was over something small like a stupid suit.

“So that was weird,” Sheri then said. Fortunately, no one seemed to notice anything during the week, Monty and I weren’t friends so there was nothing unusual about us avoiding each other at all cost.

If anything, people were more confused as to why Justin no longer sat with Monty. When someone asked, Justin just rolled his eyes, brushed it off, made a joke. I didn’t ask why he decided to swap lunch tables - I was just happy to have him with me.

“I’ll let you get changed then,” Sheri said after no one answered her. “See you at the dance?” I nodded and Justin shouted something about her saving him a dance just before she left the room. The second I was sure that she was gone, I turned to my roommate.

“What was that about?” I asked and Justin pretended to have no idea what I was saying. I groaned. “You- That thing that just happened. Why did you say no?” For some reason, I had convinced myself that Monty would blame this on me, he’d hate me for ruining his friendship with Justin. I guess it was just really hard to accept that he didn’t care at all. I wanted him to but he didn’t.

“I was just showing solidarity!” Justin protested. 

Then it hit me.

“Shit, you don’t think he knows that  _ you _ know, do you?” I asked as I sat on the edge of my bed. I didn’t tell Justin but he knew. Monty wouldn’t care about  _ how  _ he found out, just that he did. Even Justin looked scared for a second.

“Umm… No. No, he wouldn’t know,” he said quickly. “He doesn’t know. Definitely.”

But if he did… 

***

“Come _ on!”  _ And Justin tried to get me to join him on the dancefloor once again. I shrugged him off and took another step back. Alex laughed and he took a sip from his drink without taking his eyes off me. 

_ “No,  _ I told you I can’t dance.“ Justin pouted at me. I was pretty sure that he was a little tipsy and I think he managed to dance with just about every single girl at the school but he mostly stuck with Jess. And me. He loved annoying me especially when Alex finally arrived.

I think Alex was kind of starting to like him too, he had a bad opinion on the jocks in general but then he got to know Justin and the three of us were starting to get along.

“Scared you’ll ruin your hair?” Justin teased me and for a second I thought about Monty because he always liked to play with my hair, brush his fingers through it, flatten it down for me-

“I don’t care about my hair,” I said and rolled my eyes. It was just hair. Sometimes I just liked to look good. 

“Are you  _ still  _ terrorizing him?” Jess walked over and she shook her head at Justin. I know this was meant to be a Winter Formal but I could already tell that they didn’t have a lot of fun here - or maybe it was because we didn’t get much freedom. They treated the dance like a house party but I wasn’t mad about it, it was nice to see everyone have fun together.

Sheri came with Diego, Chloe was with some guy I didn’t recognize and Hannah came with Nina. I didn’t see Nina around much so it was strange seeing her out of her room - partying. As for Courtney, she came with Zach. As friends. They told everyone it was as friends. Charlie and Monty didn’t have dates. Neither did I.

“The party’s almost over and he hasn’t even danced for a second!” Justin went on gesturing towards me. Alex laughed again. Suddenly I became aware that he was standing much closer to me than he was before. I put my hands in my pockets and focused on Tyler.

He was on the other side of the hall - smiling, taking photographs of the people dancing and I smiled to myself. Obviously he still had a hard time dealing with… that and he didn’t talk about it at school but it was nice to see him smiling for once. This dance - we really needed it. All of us.

“Come on,” Jessica sighed, “I’ll dance with you.” And she grabbed Justin’s hand and dragged him away to the dance floor leaving me and Alex alone. 

“Your friends are…” Alex said as soon as they left. “Interesting.” 

“That’s one way to put it…” I glanced at him for a split second. "So you're not into dancing either?" Alex was playing with his sleeve, he shook his head. He appeared to be nervous for some reason, maybe because he was without his cane. He usually carried it everywhere but I knew that he was embarrassed about it. 

"I wouldn't wanna… trip and embarrass myself." Alex let out a small chuckle. He looked at me, I looked at him and neither of us looked away. 

Alex had blue eyes. This soft shade of blue. Soft and mesmerizing. I wasn't aware that I was staring until he inched forward. I quickly looked down. 

Just breathe, I told myself. Stop acting like that. 

I looked up again and Alex was biting his lip nervously. "Do you wanna head home?" I asked and he titled his head to the side. My heart skipped a beat. "Um, the dance will probably end soon. Everyone will start walking home and I-"

"Yeah, it's better to leave early," Alex interrupted me. He looked around briefly and then put his arm behind me like he wanted to lead me forward but he didn't touch me at all. 

I nodded. "Yeah… let's avoid the dance floor though." And while Alex laughed, I tried to picture it happening in my head. Walking home together in the dark, talking, laughing, pulling him close… 

Suddenly there was shouting and Alex stopped, he took my hand and pulled me to the side. Further away from the dance floor. 

At first, it was just noise, people shouting, others whispering and moving away just like us. In the mess of it all, Chloe bumped into me. 

"What's happening?" she asked turning to me. 

"I don't know." I stood on my tiptoes, tried to look over the heads of the people crowding in front of me. And there he was. 

Monty. 

He was holding Ryan by the collar. Ryan was wearing a pale pink suit, black shirt underneath. He looked terrified. You could be blind and still see how scared he was. My heart dropped all the way down to my stomach. 

"I'm sorry- I didn't- I wasn't-"

"Don't you fucking touch me!" Monty shouted but he was the one who was holding Ryan. He was the one making all the noise. 

Charlie was behind him looking just as scared as Ryan if not more. There was also a teacher there, Mr Porter if I remember correctly. Suddenly he seemed to be aware that something was going on. 

There was Diego saying, "Let him go man, he didn't do nothing. You're gonna get in trouble." But Monty didn't listen. He never did. 

I remember that look in his eyes, just before Mr Porter pulled him off of Ryan. I remember how Monty looked at him and I thought- that could have been me. That could have been Charlie. Could have been anyone… any guy attracted to the same gender. 

That's when I knew that it was over. He wasn't a good person, he wasn't for me. 

I needed to stay away from him. 

There was no point crying about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi thanks for reading and ill be posting another chapter tomorrow, it'll be from Monty's POV and it'll be really really short and i mean that. then chapter 15 will be the last chapter of part 1 :)  
> hope you liked this one


	15. Behind The Scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is written in Monty's POV

**Chapter Fifteen**

They were laughing at me. The door to their room was wide open - fucking Standall was there for some reason. No idea why anyone would want to be anywhere near that freak. 

Justin, Jessica, Standall and that other guy were all there. In their room. Saw them when I walked past to their bathroom. 

Zachy was gone, his mommy picked him up early in the morning and so I had the room to myself. He told me to behave just before he left, I told him to fuck off and slammed the door in his face. Behave? What does that even mean? I always fucking behave. It’s all those other fuckers who always wanna test my patience. 

Zach (just like everyone else) didn’t pack all their possessions, just some important things because they had more back at wherever their parents lived. I didn't. Never saw my parents. Ever. It's like they forgot I existed. Never called, never wrote, never visited. All I knew was that my fees were being paid and as long as that was all good, no one gave a shit. 

Maybe Diego's parents did. He was like my brother, his parents were my parents. His shit was my shit. My messes were his messes and the other way around. 

But I went home with him every time, every Christmas, every summer. Summers were better, they'd just pick me up, the school checked if my parents were okay with it and Diego and I would be off. Often doing shitty summer jobs during the day and then messing about all night.

I didn't have a lot of my own possessions so I took everything with me wherever I went. 

"There's a hole in this shirt," Charlie pointed out and he stuck his fucking finger into the back of my flannel. He offered to pack my bag for me for some reason. I let him because why not?

"There is now," I snapped at him and snatched the flannel. It was barely visible before and then he had to go and make it worse. 

He turned red, quickly looked away and folded another one of my flannels before placing it into the backpack. He didn't except as apology, I didn't give him one. I had nothing to apologise for. 

But he looked at me in that way, a way he never had before. Like he was scared - Charlie wasn’t supposed to be scared of me. Maybe it was something to do with that faggot Ryan. 

"Has he said anything about me?" I asked but I had to elaborate since Charlie was too fucking stupid to get it. "That twink."

Charlie bit his lip. "Um. No. No, no one's said anything."

Good. I'd have to teach him a lesson if he was running his mouth. Would have beat the fuck out of him if Porter didn't pull me off, saying something about how I was gonna get in trouble on the last day and no one wanted that. 

I smiled to myself, leaned back until my back touched the wall. He was fucking scared of me. I could tell. He didn't know what I was gonna do, I didn't either. But I would have beaten the fuck out of him. He needs to learn his place at this school.

"What did he do anyway?" The backpack was on the bed, Charlie was neatly placing all my clothes inside. I stared at him when he asked me that question and then I kicked the backpack off the bed. It fell down, all the clothes tumbled out and Charlie bent down to pick them up. 

He didn't ask again. 

Did I need a reason? It was enough that he was making everyone uncomfortable just looking at them. Bet he fantasised about me fucking him. Bet he jerked off thinking about me. Pathetic fuck. 

Do I look like someone who sucks cock? I’m the straightest fucking guy you'll ever meet. I didn't need Ryan out of all people giving me those eyes. 

Footsteps went up the stairs. At first I thought it was Diego coming to tell me that his parents were here but I knew what Diego's footsteps sounded like. It wasn't him. He was in Sheri's room, probably still trying to get in her pants. She was clearly playing hard to get and Diego loved a challenge. 

It was Mrs Jensen, I heard her voice across the corridor. Someone's parents came to get them. I didn't hear whose. 

There was a short pause, Charlie hummed to himself as he packed my bag. Then all those idiots decided that they were gonna walk him out. Some good friends they were. Barely knew him for a month. No one knew anything about him apart from the fact that he was a fag.

He and Ryan would get along well. 

I walked over to the window, Charlie was saying something but I just tuned him out. Sometimes he talked and talked and seemed pleased when I nodded. Never knew what I was nodding to. 

There in front of the house, in front of that car - must have cost at least half of what the school was worth - was a guy and a woman. He had thick black hair, glasses and he was arguing on the phone. His suit looked expensive, expensive car, expensive suit, expensive phone… What was this guy doing for a living? 

The woman looked much more at ease than he was. She was pretty I guess. I would have fucked her if I was into older women. 

Both parents came to get their son. It was like when you send your kid to school for the first time and you come to get him at the end of the day. That's what it looked like to me. Both parents came for him. 

When he came out, his mother threw her arms around him, kissed him on the cheek and he blushed bright red. My pulse picked up, I had to look away from a second. When I turned to the window again, his dad was patting him on the back saying, "You okay kiddo?"

Kiddo. 

I scoffed. 

Then Justin butted in, shaking the parents' hands, introducing himself, making everyone laugh. Winston's parents seemed to like him. Everyone liked Justin. 

Not me. 

Obviously he had something against me. Whatever - I had something against him too then. Didn't care, I had plenty of other friends. I didn't need him or anyone. 

I stared at the back of their heads, waiting for one of them to turn around. But they didn't. They had a short conversation, some goodbyes, some 'I'll text you at Christmas' promises… I could hear everything, the window was open like always. 

Then the dad said something about needing to get going and Justin hugged Winston goodbye. I never thought he was a homo but it looked like he was. Probably fucked Winston too - that guy was up for anyone fucking him. Or maybe Justin was another straight guy Winston managed to fool, drag into his bed and bat his eyelashes to get what he wanted. He must have done it a thousand times before. To hundreds of straight guys. 

Then there was Standall. Winston's parents got into the car, Jess and Justin disappeared inside and Alex stayed. I almost missed it. If I blinked I would have missed it. 

But Standall's hand brushed past Winston's lower back and my mouth went dry. It was so fucking obvious. Might have as well told everyone that they were fucking. 

No wonder, they came to the dance together and probably fucked after though I couldn't imagine either Alex or Winston fucking anyone. They're the type who like to get fucked. Definitely. 

"Am I attractive?" I blurted out turning to Charlie. I may have cut him off halfway through his rant about something - I don't know, I wasn't listening. 

He looked at me, swallowed. Looked away. "Uh, yeah?"

I rolled my eyes. Yeah. As if. 

Alex waved as the car drove away. I watched the car and the boy in the backseat. He was smiling, looking out of the window, waving back. I swallowed again, something stuck in my throat. 

"Who's more attractive, me or Standall?"

"You," Charlie answered without hesitation. I peeled my eyes away from the window. Charlie licked his lips, looked down at the backpack. Something caught my eye.

A T-shirt that wasn't mine. 

I walked over, picked it up and I didn't even need to look to know who it belonged to. I didn't want it. 

"Here, have this," I said throwing it at Charlie. He caught it, looked at it and then back at me. I went to lay down on Zach's bed. Charlie was still staring at me. 

"Thanks," he whispered and there was something about the way he said it… it reminded me of someone else. And the way he looked at me. 

I hesitated, thought about it, decided that it wasn't worth it. I didn't want Charlie to start hating me. In the end, they all did anyway. 

_ End of Part One _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's not much, I didn't wanna write too much about what goes on in his head - his thoughts are just as confusing as he is  
> i am planning on writing a longer chapter in montys pov later on


	16. Changes Are Coming

**Chapter Sixteen**

“There he is!” I was cornered the second I stepped into the living room. Sheri threw her arms around my neck, Chloe squeezed me tight and I dropped the suitcase and bag I carried with me - more clothes so I wouldn’t have to borrow from other people anymore.

Christmas break was nice, I did miss my parents and it was great to catch up and tell them all the friends I made. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere because I wasn’t just an awkward addition to the group out of pity. They actually  _ liked _ me.

“Can’t breathe,” I gasped and so Sheri and Chloe stepped away only to let Jessica take their place and hug me tight.

“I missed your stupid face,” she said and I grinned from ear to ear like an idiot. Finally, I knew what it was like to have friends that cared about you, missed you, liked you…

I also saw Scott over the break. We reconnected and I had to promise to talk to him more often because he said I was shit at keeping in touch. I guess I was.

“I missed you too,” I mumbled and I meant it. I did talk to them through the break, Chloe made a group chat and put us all in it - Monty left two seconds after it was made but the rest of us stayed and it was a good way of knowing what everyone was up to during the holidays.

When Jess stepped back, I looked around the living room. Zach and Courtney were talking by the table but they stopped to give me a small wave. “Where’s Justin?” I asked. He said he was gonna get here early and we even decided to have a competition of who’d get here first. Did I win?

“Not here yet,” Chloe answered as she sat back on the sofa. “Charlie is upstairs unpacking, Nina is sleeping off a hangover and Hannah, Monty and Diego aren’t here yet either.”

Trust Chloe to keep on top of those things. I nodded slowly. “I’ll go unpack. Call me when he gets here.”

The room was exactly how we left it, a little dustier but that was expected. I placed my bags on the bed, wiped the dust off my desk with my hand and then put the laptop back in its place. It was the only thing I took with me, everything else stayed here because I was coming back anyway.

I needed to talk to Justin. Desperately. Not just about Alex because Alex… God, it was going so well with him. It was amazing between us. We talked and we talked and my parents kept asking why I was grinning at my phone so much until I told them about this boy I met.

Alex wasn’t gonna arrive until late afternoon and then I was supposed to meet him. My heart skipped a beat just at the thought of him. 

Then there was… him. Monty. He must have unblocked my number because he texted me on the second of January at two in the morning. ‘ _ Hey can we talk?’ _ the message said and then about eight hours later there was another message -  _ ‘wrong number’ _ . So okay then.

But I needed to talk to Justin, I needed advice. I liked Alex, I was sure of it but I had no idea how he felt about me. Did he like me too? We kissed after the Winter Formal - he walked me home and kissed me outside the house. We haven’t talked about that yet.

The door downstairs opened and there was more commotion. I listened out for Justin’s voice but it wasn’t him. No one called me and instead, I heard Diego and Monty complain about all the hugging. The girls simply laughed and for once, I was really glad that I wasn’t there with them.

I got over Monty. Scott helped, he made me realise that it was just infatuation, just a stupid crush on a guy who couldn’t care less about me. So I let it go. 

“Now I have fucking lipstick all over my fucking face,” I heard Monty mutter as he and Diego walked up the stairs. New year. New start.

Diego laughed. “Nothing some wet wipes won’t fix.”

“Where the hell am I gonna get wet wipes from?” They passed by my room and my heart started to thud. Over him. Completely over him. Remember what he did to Ryan? You’re over him.

They continued their conversation until Monty said he needed to unpack and then it went silent again. 

Justin was the last to come home, he entered the house just before noon with a giant grin on his face and a tan. After all the girls attacked him with questions and rib-crushing hugs, I muttered something about taking his suitcase upstairs and he went after me. 

“So? Happy New Year,” Justin said as he closed the door to our room and then jumped on his bed. “God, I missed you.” I raised an eyebrow at him, he broke into a grin. “The bed. I missed the bed.”

“Right…”

“And I guess I missed you a little bit too,” he added with a small smile. I smiled back. 

“Where should I put your suitcase?” I asked. 

“Anywhere. Not bothered.” So I left it next to Justin’s desk and then walked over to my own bed. He stared at me, patiently waiting for me to start as I wiped my hands on my thighs. “Alex?” he finally asked when I didn’t say anything.

“Um. Yeah, it’s. Um.” Just spit it out, I told myself. So I took a deep breath to calm myself down because the last time that I admitted that I liked a guy… “So I think I like Alex.”

“I think he likes you too,” Justin answered without missing a beat. Then he sat up and hugged the pillow to his chest. “So you guys aren’t together yet?”

I buried my face in my hands and shook my head. Can you even ask someone out over a text? I mean, sure we facetimed loads but I wanted to do it properly so every time anything went in that direction - talking about us - I’d change the subject.

“I’m meeting up with him in about four hours so… we might talk then,” I told him. That’s what I hoped, that we’d talk and things would work out for us.

“Do you want me to evacuate the room?” Justin asked and I laughed. He did make me feel better - while I was freaking out, Justin stayed cool this entire time. 

“No, we’re actually gonna just... walk around but thanks.” Not very romantic but where else could we have gone? School? The swimming pool? Monty’s little underground dungeon? Yeah, no thanks.

Justin nodded. “So how was… Christmas?” He texted me nonstop on Christmas day. His family went on vacation to Cyprus and his parents and grandparents ended up arguing about it so he ate takeaway alone at the beach and then went to bed at two in the morning. I stayed up just to talk to him.

“Fine,” I answered simply because there was no point telling him how it was probably the best Christmas I’ve had in years while he had a shitty one. Then on New Year’s he got totally wasted and met some older guys that he befriended. I was checking up on him every two seconds to make sure he wasn’t getting kidnapped. Justin could be rational when it came to my problems but when it came to his life…

He was looking at me. I knew I better say something.

“Monty texted me during the break. At two in the morning.”

“What did he say?” Now he looked interested.

“Er, that we should talk,” I said. “And then he said ‘wrong number’. At ten in the morning.” 

Justin raised his eyebrows. Obviously, he was thinking the same thing as I was. “He must have been lonely.”

And even though I knew that Justin didn’t mean it as an insult, it hurt because right there and then I realised that he was only hanging out with me whenever he needed something. 

“Yeah. Probably.”

The room went silent and for the first time, I heard the laughter coming from someone else’s room. Charlie’s laughter. I wondered what he was laughing at, who he was with…

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your date with Alex?” Justin asked bringing me back to reality.

I blushed. “It’s not a date.” Then I glanced at the clock. “And I still have a few hours. Though I should probably shower after the long drive…” I had so much to do, I wanted to look perfect.

“See? I’m always right,” Justin stated matter of factly as I started looking through my bags for the right outfit. I wouldn’t say always… just ninety-nine percent of the time.

***

January was warmer than December but I still pulled my coat on. I had Alex’s scarf around my neck - the one he gave to me, the one Monty freaked out about. 

Alex told me he’ll come to the house but I didn’t want to make him wait on the doorstep again. I stepped outside to wait for him, it was already getting really dark. I was freaking out on the inside but I tried not to show it. I hadn’t seen Alex in weeks and I didn’t want to fuck this up. This thing that could potentially lead to something more. 

I took a few steps forward so I wouldn’t stand directly in the doorway. I didn’t notice Monty. I stood there for a whole two minutes before I realised I wasn’t alone. The dark sure loved to make a fool out of me. 

“You look good,” someone said behind me and I spun around. There was Monty, standing next to the house. Smoking. He said it like it was a passing comment, like it meant nothing at all. 

I just stared at him. It wasn’t a cigarette he was smoking, I could smell it right away. “You reek of weed,” I told him. “You’ll get kicked out if they catch you.”

He shrugged like he didn’t care and then took a few steps towards me. “Are you going on a date or something?” 

I paused. He could have literally been kicked out of school and instead, he just stood there and- Was it the weed talking? I bit my bottom lip. “Just meeting up with Alex.”

Monty made a face, looked down at the ground and brought the joint up to his lips again. I briefly remembered the last time I saw him smoke. We were in that secret basement, Halloween night. He asked me if I wanted some too and then he pulled at my hair and-

“You should really put that out before someone sees,” I said almost in a pleading way. I still hated him, I still remembered all the things he said to me but it was difficult for me not to care and to abandon people. And anyway, I was over him and trying my best to show him that he didn’t affect me anymore. Not in the slightest. 

“Hmm.” 

I kept my hands in my pockets and looked around. What was taking Alex so long? I just wanted him to come and take me away from Monty. Being around him for too long was never a good idea.

“Walk with me.”

I turned back to him with a sigh. “Monty, I can’t. I told you I’m waiting for Alex.”  _ And you called me a whore and now you’re acting like nothing ever happened. _

Monty looked around and raised his eyebrows. “Well, he’s obviously not here so why should you wait for him if he can’t be bothered to come on time?”

Was he just looking for any excuse to get me to stand Alex up? I wasn’t gonna do that. Definitely not for him. Not again. I bit my lip. "I think I'll wait."

He was confusing, I never knew where I stood with him. One second he was this, then the next he was just… He muddled with my head and while I was away, it was easy to forget about him. But then he was just a meter or so away from me. Not so easy to ignore.

Monty shook his head as he blew the smoke out from between his lips. "Suit yourself." He walked away by himself. I didn't follow him. I think he expected me to. I breathed out a sigh of relief. 

Alex came two minutes later full of apologies. He actually  _ ran _ towards me. He was getting better and better at not needing his cane. "Sorry I'm late I-"

"It's fine," I said not even realising that I was grinning. "Don't worry about it."

"I just couldn't find- I bought you something and I kept looking for it and I couldn't find it and-" Alex rambled on and then he just dove into his pocket and took out a small parcel. "Just. Here."

A gift. He got me a gift. 

Sure I’ve received gifts before but… this was different. Somehow. Alex got me a gift. It was wrapped in red paper with little reindeer on it, it just about fit in my hand. 

Alex watched me unwrap it and then he cleared his throat. "It just reminded me of you. So…"

A wooden bead necklace with a silver charm of a rabbit. I told Alex that I used to have a pet rabbit on the day he walked me back home from the dance. The same day that he kissed me. 

"Oh. Wow, thank you. I love it," I said with a smile and I tried to ignore my fluttering heart. He remembered. He remembered that small detail about me. I slipped the bracelet over my wrist, looked up to see Alex smiling and broke into a grin of my own.

“Good…” he said shyly with a tint of pink on his cheeks. He took a step to the side and gestured towards the pathway. “Should we go?”

I nodded and after that, we began to walk. My hands were in my pockets, his hands were firmly by his sides and I itched to reach out and touch him. He had gloves on, I didn’t. I wondered if he was the type of person to have warm or cold hands. Warm, I decided. He just seemed like he did.

My heart started to race when we walked past that latch in the ground. I knew that Monty was there because where else would he go? What was he doing? Smoking his weed and reading his book? All alone. It was his place and Alex had no clue about it. We just walked on in silence.

In silence. I figured there would be a lot more talking by now since we spent the whole break texting, calling and facetiming. I thought he’d have something to say.

“So how was-” I began at the same time as he said, “Have you-”

“Sorry, go on,” he said quickly.

“You can go first.” I was intrigued to know what he had to say.

Alex scratched the back of his neck and brushed the hair away from his forehead. “I just wanted to ask you if you had a nice break.”

I smiled to myself to hide the disappointment. Small talk. “Yeah I did,” I answered. “I was gonna ask you the same thing actually.”

“I did too,” Alex muttered. But I already knew that, why were we talking about our breaks when we texted through it all? I knew every single detail about his Christmas and vice versa.

I stopped by a tree and leaned against it. So what now? Why did we walk all this way? Alex stared at me, he took a few steps forward but maintained a lot of space between us.

“So I have a new roommate,” he told me and all I could think was: I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care… just come here and kiss me already. I waited long enough.

“His name’s Jeff Atkinson or something and he’s-”

“Do you like me?” Alex stopped, his eyes searched my face and then he nervously licked his lips. I waited and tried to appear calm even though my heart drummed in my chest. I didn’t want small talk, I wanted to know how he felt about me. 

He didn’t reply for a couple of seconds and just as I was about to tell him to forget about it- 

“I do. I really do.” Alex said. I sighed in relief - I didn’t make a complete fool out of myself and Alex took two steps towards me. “You’re… it’s impossible not to like you.”

I smiled despite my best efforts not to. He was already making me blush. That’s when I realised that this was what I wanted - for it to be easy. I didn’t want to chase after Alex, doubt his feelings for me and wonder when he was gonna hurt me next. Alex wasn’t like that.

“So?” Alex asked after I didn’t reply. He was biting his lip and I quickly snapped out of my thoughts. I didn’t want to make him worry.

“Sorry, I was just- I like you too,” I said eventually. God, stop rambling. 

Alex broke into a smile, he looked down at his feet, looked up and grinned even wider. “Is it… okay for me to kiss you now?”

Yes,  _ please. _

I nodded and Alex hesitated. He stepped into my space, his thumb brushed over my cheekbone and he smiled to himself. He really did have pretty eyes, it was one of the first things I noticed about him. And when he smiled…

Alex had to stand on his tiptoes, he leaned in, my breath hitched in my throat and I closed my eyes. The first time that he kissed me, it was nothing more than a light kiss on the lips followed by a soft ‘goodnight’.

Alex’s fingers travelled up my neck and then his hand was there, cupping the back of my head. His lips made contact with mine, he was much warmer than me and his nose bumped into my cheek. 

He smelled good, tasted good, felt good. I wanted to kiss him forever. 

***

If only Justin stopped following us around everywhere. He saw my bracelet the second I stepped into the room and demanded to know every single detail about what he called ‘the most boring exciting date ever’. I couldn't even stand by Alex's locker without him following us like a lost puppy. 

"What's your last lesson?" Alex asked as he put his books back into his locker. I tilted my head back and sighed. 

"Math." 

"Should I… Can I wait for you?" Alex shut his locker and Justin awed behind us. I elbowed him in the ribs. He was like a leech, we just couldn't get rid of him. I really didn't mind it but I didn't want him to know that. 

He sat with us at lunch, made the conversation lighter and made sure that I wasn't a stuttering mess around Alex. Really, it was nice to have Justin. Just not right now while I was trying to get a kiss out of Alex without having to ask. 

"You can," I replied as a smile tugged at my lips. He kissed me again after he walked me home the night before. I went to sleep with a grin on my face that night. 

Alex smiled at me and just when he was about to lean in, someone walked past us and snickered. Alex immediately stepped back. 

"What the fuck?" Justin muttered behind us. He was like a bodyguard and an adorable puppy all in one. I just glanced at him and shook my head. It wasn't worth it. It was just some guy who's opinion didn't matter to me or Alex. 

Obviously, I thought that he laughed because he saw me and Alex together. Why else would he laugh? 

Turns out there was a reason. 

Alex promised to walk me to my next class and as soon as we turned the corner- there were pictures glued all over the walls, the lockers and scattered all over the floor. A picture of Alex with his face beaten up.

My heart sank. His lip was swollen, face bruised all over, whole face so fucking swollen that you could barely see his eyes. It looked like it was taken in the nurse’s office. I knew straight away that this was from back when Alex was beaten up by Diego. 

Alex looked horrified. He stood there as people stared at the pictures and muttered amongst themselves. I had no idea what he must have been feeling, he never talked about that or Bryce. 

"Alex-" I stared as soon as he turned sickly pale. But he just shook his head and started running the other way, away from all the people who were gaping at him like he was an exhibit in a freak show. Justin ran after him in a split second. My feet were glued to the ground.

Someone did this. Someone. Someone had the fucking nerve to obtain this picture, print off a couple of tens of copies of it and stick it all across the busiest corridor during the busiest time of the day. 

A group of guys were leaning against the lockers, the one in the middle held a copy of the picture in his hand. They were all laughing. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you? This isn't funny!" I walked towards them, Zach was the first to look up. He was laughing before but then he looked down at his feet guiltily. Alex was hurt and humiliated and for what? No one ever gave me a proper reason as to why he was being punished by the football team except for the fact that he told on Bryce. 

"It is to me," Monty answered cooly and then he glanced at the picture he was holding. He smirked. 

"You're so fucked up,” I muttered and Monty turned around to look at Diego who raised an eyebrow at him and the two of them burst into laughter. 

"Come on guys," Zach tried to say and he looked around. Everyone around us was now looking our way. So much for not embarrassing myself. The last time I stood up to Monty for a friend, I was pushed to the ground and humiliated. Did I never learn? 

I just shook my head at him and took a deep breath. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it. I kept telling myself that. Just walk away and go find Alex and Justin. Thank God for Justin, I hoped that he was taking care of Alex.

The moment I turned away, I knew I shouldn't have. This was pure entertainment for Monty. High school was a game, the rest of us were either pawns or players. I'm not sure where I stood. 

"You really find  _ that _ attractive?" Monty called after me as he held the picture up in the air. 

It was too much. I felt like I was being pushed over the edge, I've never felt like this before. I took pride in being quite a calm and collected guy. I wasn't violent or aggressive or-

I walked back towards Monty and shoved him hard without even thinking about what I was doing. He wasn't expecting it, he fell into the lockers and hit the back of his head as the picture he held fell to the ground.

Almost immediately, his eyes darkened and he stared right at me. The people around us went silent. He shoved me back ten times as hard and I stumbled on my feet but held my ground surprising even myself. 

Fuck. Fuck, what was I doing? I fucking shoved Monty. 

Zach was ready to step in but something took over and I pushed Monty again. Maybe not as hard, or perhaps he was prepared because he only budged about an inch backwards. 

“You wanna fight?" Monty asked as he took a few steps towards me. His face was only a couple of millimetres away from mine and his eyes pierced right through mine. My heart thudded in my chest. "Let’s fucking fight then!”

I was pushed backwards again, had to quickly grab onto his shirt so I wouldn't fall. It only pissed him off more. And just like that, it escalated. 

Monty's friends stayed back - some friends they were - and his hands curled into fists as he took hold of my shirt too. I pushed him off me, he pushed me back, I pushed him again. I wasn't in control. At all. I swung at him and the next thing I knew I was being picked up from behind like a fucking child having a temper tantrum. 

"What the hell is going on here?" I recognised the voice of Mr Porter and I stopped struggling almost immediately. I blinked, the people in front of me came into focus. 

Zach and Diego held onto Monty while he held a hand up to his cheek. 

I punched Monty. 

***

I never thought I'd see the day I'd be sat outside the principal's office. Not with Monty sitting right next to me - well, there was a chair between us to 'separate’ us in case either of us tried anything again. All I could think about was how pissed my parents were gonna be. First day back and I got into a fight. A  _ fight _ . I don't get into fights. 

Monty was obviously much calmer than me. He held an ice pack to his face where my fist made contact with his skin. My knuckles hurt a little but not too much, I simply hoped that the pain would go away after a while. No one asked me if I was okay or if Alex was okay, it was all about Monty because apparently, _ I _ was the one at fault here. It was so stupid. 

I played with my thumbs and tried my best not to think about it. I'd just go in there and tell the principal  _ exactly _ what happened. He'd see things from my perspective and then- maybe then he wouldn't call my parents. 

My leg bounced up and down and with every minute that passed, my heart beat even faster. I was fucked. 

"Ah," Monty winced and I saw him taking the ice pack away from his face. He gently touched his face with his fingertips like he was trying to assess how bad the damage was. 

"I, uh, I have a mirror," I offered and patted my pockets to find it. 

Monty turned his head to the side and glared. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked and then he turned away again with a scoff. 

Right. Yeah, probably not the best thing to say right now. But the bruise didn't even look bad, it was just… a little redish. A tiny bruise. I was still surprised that I was the one who caused it. 

Another two minutes passed, Monty held the ice pack to his face again and the silence became unbearable. I needed to say something. “I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I muttered. It wasn't my intention to punch him, I swear I'm not an aggressive person. Not like Monty.

Monty snorted obviously not believing a word that came out of my mouth. “Yeah, you did.”

“I didn’t-”

“Who knew a skinny little thing like you had it in him…” 

Monty shook his head again in disbelief and I'm sure I saw the flicker of a smile on his face. He really was fucked up, how could he look pleased right after I punched him? 

I was a little scared, I'll admit. As much as I hated Monty, I didn't want to give him more reasons to hate me. I really didn't want to hurt him, I knew he was already going through so much and yet- fuck, I needed to stop making excuses for him. It was almost like a reflex at this point. 

“Okay I’m not sorry," I decided. "You fully deserved that for embarrassing Alex like that.”

Monty sighed loudly. “And there you go again, assuming I did things that I had no fucking involvement in at all… I don’t give a fuck about your boyfriend. I have better things to do than figure out how to humiliate him. He does that himself effortlessly.”

"He's not my- God, you're such a dick. I can't fucking figure you out." I carded my fingers through my messy hair. Monty managed to mess it up during our small push and shove fight. I couldn't tell if I wanted to kill him or comfort him. On one side, I believed him when he said he wasn't behind this. He would have proudly taken credit for it if he was. Then on the other hand, he was insulting Alex, acting like he couldn't care less and then insulting Alex again. I really couldn't figure him out. It was like a constant guessing game with him. 

The door to the office opened and I sat up straight. The man who stepped outside looked like he was in his sixties, tall and pale and fragile… he scared the shit out of me. 

"Inside.  _ Now." _

Monty and I got to our feet in a split second and the principal held the door open for us. He shut it behind us with a bang and then walked over to his side of the desk. "Sit," he ordered like we were dogs but Monty and I obliged. 

Fuck fuck fuck. I was in trouble. I was gonna get excluded, I was sure of it. What were my parents gonna think? It wasn't supposed to end like this. I was-

"Breathe son, take a sip of water," Principal Bolan said as he slid a glass of water across the table. I was starting to hyperventilate and I quickly reached towards the glass of water and picked it up with shaking hands. My teeth clattered against it and I was this close to having a heart attack. Monty seemed completely at ease compared to me. 

“So? What do you have to say for yourselves? You know violence on school grounds is not permitted.” Bolan started as soon as I put the glass of water down. 

I looked at Monty. I hate that I did but… I did. I stared at him like I expected him to get me out of this mess even though I was the one that got us into it. For once could he just not be a dick? Could he please not throw me under the bus? 

His eyes met mine and then both of us looked away. Monty cleared his throat and took the ice pack away from his face. “It’s my fault, I hung those pictures of Alex all around school as a prank and Winston was just… protecting him. I deserved it.”

I'm not sure who looked more surprised, Bolan or me. He was shocked that Monty could admit it, I was shocked that he admitted to something he didn't do. Which obviously meant that he knew who did it and he was protecting them. My first guess was Diego, he was on the verge of being kicked out and everyone knew how close he and Monty were. 

Bolan nodded slowly as if trying to decide what to do in his head. He certainly wasn't expecting it to go this smoothly. Then he looked my way and my mouth went dry. "And you? What about you? I'm told that  _ you're _ the one who started the fight." He took me in as if to say 'what were you thinking?' I really wish I had an answer for that. 

"I… I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. It won't happen again," was all I could muster to say. 

Bolan looked down at his hands, he sighed loudly and I waited for him to exclude us both. I didn't want to get in trouble myself but I didn't want Monty to be blamed for this either. If only he could have stopped being stupid and told the truth, he didn't have to protect his friends all the damn time. How close was he to getting expelled? He was already on one warning. 

"Right." Bolan looked up and stared straight at me. I swallowed. "Off you go to lesson, Montgomery and I are gonna have a chat."

I felt relief and disappointment at the same time. Monty was gonna get in trouble for this. He may have been a dick but he didn't deserve this. 

I stood up on shaky legs and tried to catch his eye to at least smile at him or- I don't know, just try to apologise. He wasn't even looking my way. I had to walk out with no idea what was going to happen to him. 

By four o'clock, everyone knew about the news. Monty got a second warning. Jess and Sheri actually celebrated because this was one of the few times where a football player didn't get away with the shit he did. He wasn't even the one that did it. 

And what made it worse was how everyone looked at me like I was a hero - the guy who stood up to bully Monty de la Cruz. 

I didn't wanna be that guy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, no idea when i'll post the next chapter but i really enjoyed writing this so hopefully soon :)

**Author's Note:**

> I know that Winston may seem like a wimp at first but he's just nervous about this new school at first :)  
> hope you enjoyed the first chapter


End file.
